Title: Parents of Teens Still Not Understanding Teens or
Mom Capriciously Doles Out Mammoth Punishment, Assuses Teen of Overreaction, Hasn't a Clue Why This Upsets Teen or
The teen version: My Mother Ruined My Life At Thanksgiving
CNN version: Thanksgiving Mom Held in Violation of 8th Amendment

I would take it away permanently . Maybe in a year or 2 she will mature enough to handle one.

Phones are like crack and kids get very angry when they are cut off. I agree that you need to use this as an opportunity to teach her that she needs to listen to you and that she needs to learn proper phone etiquette. These meltdowns get even more dramatic when they get older if you don't set limits now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair to her, sounds like you were pretty aggressive about it and the "I had to physically take it from her" sounds vaguely threatening and like it might have gotten violent.

If she is hysterically crying that is a major clue that you did something seriously wrong.

What???? She hates having her phone taken away means Mom is wrong????????

Because she's hysterically upset, duh?

Really, this is so confusing to me. Teen has hissy fit over losing phone that MOM PAYS FOR and somehow Mom needs to coddle teen??? No Teen that is not driving needs a phone.

Agree. Mom, you did nothing wrong.

This is what thirteen years olds do. It is self absorbed and rude, as they are. Get. Used to it.

The bad parenting was that you waitied all night until the punishment was huge and unexpected.

You probably should,have taken it earlier in the night and prevented the whole thing.

Why does a 13 yo have anything that is beyond a flip phone in the first place?

Anonymous wrote:Why not have approached this in a soft, joking way during dinner. "Hey Larla, we miss you! Larla, come to the table." What you did was so heavy handed and after the fact.

How old are are your kids?

Why not have approached this in a soft, joking way during dinner. "Hey Larla, we miss you! Larla, come to the table." What you did was so heavy handed and after the fact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was talking to her boyfriend and you are annoying her. She does not want you going through her text messages.

Yep. This.

Time to run a check on her texts and social media.

The, cut off her data access. Take away the smart phone and give her one of those starter text only phones.

This

Mom of a 15 year old here:
Yes, you should have shut down the phone use before dinner. But you didn't. Okay. It was a choice and there's no going back in time.

Your response after dinner was fine. Her refusal to give up the phone means she is not getting it back until Dec 5 (I picked that since it's a Monday. She needs another weekend without it.) She needs to understand that her response to you was so unacceptable and that you're not playing around. You giveth the phone and you taketh the phone. Period.

Let her mope away all weekend. And let know when she'll get it back. Write it on the calendar in the kitchen. She'll be a major drama queen. But she doesn't get to terrorize the family. One disrespectful, nasty comment from her results in her getting the phone on Dec 6. The second comment results in Dec 7. And so on.

Shut this nonsense down. Stay calm and stay united with your spouse. You'll all get through it. And she'll be perfectly fine without a phone until Dec 5.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair to her, sounds like you were pretty aggressive about it and the "I had to physically take it from her" sounds vaguely threatening and like it might have gotten violent.

If she is hysterically crying that is a major clue that you did something seriously wrong.

Says the mom of a sweet toddler.

If she is crying hysterically over being told to.put down her phone it means she is a 13 year old used to getting her own way who got called out for being a brat.

There it is!
I can't believe people are harping on "what do you mean you had to physically take the phone" instead of the fact that this 13 year old out and out refused a request. If Mom had to then struggle with her to get the phone out of her hand so what... The only problem with this story is that it had to come to that.

I think you were fine. I also would not have her taken the phone to the guest house. The limits should have been in place prior.

But I am a firm believer that if she is going to not mind and have an attitude, then yes the phone gets taken away for two days. No big deal.

Signed someone who used to stay on the phone for hours and hours. When my mom came in to say goodnight I would hide my phone under my bed and then stay on it with my friends until one of us fell asleep around midnight.

Teenage girls and phones are a thing and ok. Sass and talking back is not ok at all in my book. As long as my kids are sweet and respectful they can pretty much get away with what they want.

She will survive, I promise!

I think if you do go through her texts and emails you'll find the real reason she's hysterical.

Best option would have been to speak with her before this ever happened. She clearly is a heavy phone user so this is likely not the first time you've noticed.

Second option would have been to say something while you were there. SHe likely wouldn't have thrown a fit in front of others - maybe just be pissy but that would have been better and you would not have looked like a lax parent. Just a simple "Excuse me - you are a guest. Please put the phone away unless you are somewhere private" would have been a suitable warning.

Third option is where you are now. I think it's fine to remind her that having a phone in her face ignoring people is very rude and she needs to find something else to keep her busy for a while until she cools off.

Anonymous wrote:She was talking to her boyfriend and you are annoying her. She does not want you going through her text messages.

Yep. This.

Time to run a check on her texts and social media.

The, cut off her data access. Take away the smart phone and give her one of those starter text only phones.