Anonymous wrote:Gonna say I do the same thing when my kids were little. Two October birthdays + Hanukkah coming early and we'd spread it out. Even with Christmas gifts as well - many of the people (aunts and uncles) who gift at birthdays don't gift at Hanukkah or Christmas (different families) so it would be held for that. Was never any sort of pecking order or any mean feelings on my side, and as they get older it doesn't happen, but I don't think it was meant to be a slam or "cheap" of her.

It is not a big deal if she gives it to the kid at a random, later time with "Look what auntie gave you. Lets draw a picture of the train to thank her."

It is terribly rude for her to take the gift and claim it is from someone else, especially from herself or Santa, and never have her kid thank the original giver.

If her kid has too many presents, let the giver know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, we dole out presents in installments all the time. It just works out better that way. We get a big shipment from Amazon or something, give a few, save a few for later. What a horrible horrible thing to do to a fragile little mind, indeed.

+1
A train is a pretty special toy and will go well thematically with Christmas. Your SIL sounds like a normal person who has common sense. It will make Christmas a whole lot special for the boy. She is not giving it to someone else. She is just delaying the gratification. Why not?

No, this is not normal.

It is weird and rude.

Gonna say I do the same thing when my kids were little. Two October birthdays + Hanukkah coming early and we'd spread it out. Even with Christmas gifts as well - many of the people (aunts and uncles) who gift at birthdays don't gift at Hanukkah or Christmas (different families) so it would be held for that. Was never any sort of pecking order or any mean feelings on my side, and as they get older it doesn't happen, but I don't think it was meant to be a slam or "cheap" of her.

I would be ok with them saving it but would still want the kid to know it was from me.
Next time give him his gift in person OP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, we dole out presents in installments all the time. It just works out better that way. We get a big shipment from Amazon or something, give a few, save a few for later. What a horrible horrible thing to do to a fragile little mind, indeed.

+1
A train is a pretty special toy and will go well thematically with Christmas. Your SIL sounds like a normal person who has common sense. It will make Christmas a whole lot special for the boy. She is not giving it to someone else. She is just delaying the gratification. Why not?

I asked in advance if the train was okay to get. It certainly wasn't his first train

OP, I don't quite understand why you're working so hard to make it a big faux pas on your SIL's part. It's really no big deal. Young children are happier and appreciate presents more when they get them often, a few at a time. I bet your nephew got a ton of stuff for his birthday, so parents decided to save some for Christmas. It doesn't have to be about money. Kids' toys pile up like there's no tomorrow, and many parents just don't feel the need to gift endlessly. It's really okay, just forget it already.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, we dole out presents in installments all the time. It just works out better that way. We get a big shipment from Amazon or something, give a few, save a few for later. What a horrible horrible thing to do to a fragile little mind, indeed.

+1
A train is a pretty special toy and will go well thematically with Christmas. Your SIL sounds like a normal person who has common sense. It will make Christmas a whole lot special for the boy. She is not giving it to someone else. She is just delaying the gratification. Why not?

I asked in advance if the train was okay to get. It certainly wasn't his first train

Anonymous wrote:OMG, we dole out presents in installments all the time. It just works out better that way. We get a big shipment from Amazon or something, give a few, save a few for later. What a horrible horrible thing to do to a fragile little mind, indeed.

+1
A train is a pretty special toy and will go well thematically with Christmas. Your SIL sounds like a normal person who has common sense. It will make Christmas a whole lot special for the boy. She is not giving it to someone else. She is just delaying the gratification. Why not?

So SIL has plenty of money. Money isn't an issue.

OMG, we dole out presents in installments all the time. It just works out better that way. We get a big shipment from Amazon or something, give a few, save a few for later. What a horrible horrible thing to do to a fragile little mind, indeed.

Op, you are wealthier than your SIL, true?

I can imagine she might not be comfortable if THE BIGGEST, BEST gift the kid gets, around this time of year, is a present from you.

IDK why she did it in the first place, but it's pretty clear why she told you-- she didn't want you to say "oh, Larlo, did you love your birthday train?" Or to see it later at their house and say "oh, that's the train we got you!" And then have him confused about Santa.

Either way, definitely a good time to ask if you should stop sending gifts.

Anonymous wrote:First Pp here. That's really weird and nasty. I don't know how I would react in the moment- probably not aggressively because I would be so taken aback. If I can muster it, I might just say I don't know why you told me that. Ugh. I would minimize time with her.

That may not be the case at all. Perhaps he had what she thought was a bit too much for his birthday and so it made sense to her to save some money by giving him the train for Christmas. She wanted to 'come clean' and let you know. I wouldn't take offense. She was not looking at it from your perspective. When he is older you can give his birthday gift directly to him perhaps.

Anonymous wrote:As someone who is pretty broke, she might be using it to "Play Santa" when she can't. You might not take credit but the kids childhood gets a win.

Oh FFS, like OP even cares about the kid's childhood!

OP--You have to ask why. If not please ask her. "So you said the you took the train that Jim and I sent in October for Larlo's birthday and will be wrapping for him for Christmas. Why are you doing that?"

And then come post here because DCUM nation is really scratching its head in curiosity.

My SIL does this too, routinely, with our gifts, on the explanation that her children receive too many gifts so she can't give them all of them. But guess what, OP? What happens at Christmas? Is your gift opened then? Hahaha.

We stopped giving gifts because our gifts were never opened. It's a gift pecking order.