Anonymous
11/22/2016 00:13
Subject: Re:MIL and her "alone time" with DH
It's not at all unusual for a mother to want to spend some alone time with their child. We have a rule whenever we go to visit either of our mothers. We find one afternoon per trip where grandma and her child get to spend the afternoon together. The in-law takes the kids off for some afternoon adventure and we meet up to have dinner together. We see our mothers only once or twice a year and the least we can do is spend one afternoon alone with our mother.
That said, the parent who is taking the kids, always gets the car. Both of our mothers still drive in the daylight, so this works out. If your mother doesn't drive, then I would probably suggest that you go and pick up grandma and drop grandma and her son off someplace where they can have lunch and sit for a couple of hours, then go and pick them up again. You take the car and the kids and do something for them.
That said, the parent who is taking the kids, always gets the car. Both of our mothers still drive in the daylight, so this works out. If your mother doesn't drive, then I would probably suggest that you go and pick up grandma and drop grandma and her son off someplace where they can have lunch and sit for a couple of hours, then go and pick them up again. You take the car and the kids and do something for them.
Anonymous
11/21/2016 23:47
Subject: MIL and her "alone time" with DH
NO. No . No. just drop him off. Keep the car. This is the compromise you came up with.
Anonymous
11/21/2016 23:14
Subject: MIL and her "alone time" with DH
Aside from stranding you at a hotel with a small child and no car, (and there should be an easy logistical solution to that), I think it's nice that your MIL wants to spend a few hours alone with her son.
I'm in my 40s, married for 12 years, two children. I have the most interesting conversations with my mom and my dad when I happen to be alone with them. I get so much insight into their inner lives and their pasts that I would never get when we're all together. I think when they are long gone, I will remember most the things we talked about when we were alone together. Lots of things that even my siblings, who live much closer to them, don't know or appreciate.
OP, you want to begrudge your MIL and husband 4 measly hours together. That's pretty lousy of you. Figure out a way to make that time worthwhile or at least manageable for yourself and let them have it.
I'm in my 40s, married for 12 years, two children. I have the most interesting conversations with my mom and my dad when I happen to be alone with them. I get so much insight into their inner lives and their pasts that I would never get when we're all together. I think when they are long gone, I will remember most the things we talked about when we were alone together. Lots of things that even my siblings, who live much closer to them, don't know or appreciate.
OP, you want to begrudge your MIL and husband 4 measly hours together. That's pretty lousy of you. Figure out a way to make that time worthwhile or at least manageable for yourself and let them have it.
Anonymous
11/21/2016 23:11
Subject: Re:MIL and her "alone time" with DH
I like spending alone time with my sons. We talk about their wives. LOL.
Anonymous
11/21/2016 23:07
Subject: MIL and her "alone time" with DH
Anonymous wrote:OP here... my MIL is crazy and my husband absolutely won't stand up to her. I feel excluded and sad for my child. When I plan outings for the family when she visits she always changes the plans so it's just her and my husband and me and my son excluded. My mother doesn't do this with my siblings and their spouses. I don't know the area well where she lives and it's totally suburban and nothing within walking distance and she insists my son drive in case they won't to go somewhere because god forbid he should drive her car. She makes no effort to spend time w me or my son. I'm dreading thanksgiving and her alone time while I take my son on a walk around suburbia for 4 hours. She is selfish and I'm glad others think this is strange too. My husband for some odd reason is utterly terrified of his mother and would never disobey her. She would DIE if he showed up w our child as our son is relegated to the kitchen only of her house and backyard not the front.
Well I would be far more worried about my child being treated like a second class citizen. Your DH needs to do something about that. Your son will be in therapy in 10 years talking about how daddy pushes him aside every holiday for mean grandma and he has to stay in the kitchen. Seriously. That is a problem.
Anonymous
11/21/2016 23:07
Subject: MIL and her "alone time" with DH
Anonymous wrote:OP here... my MIL is crazy and my husband absolutely won't stand up to her. I feel excluded and sad for my child. When I plan outings for the family when she visits she always changes the plans so it's just her and my husband and me and my son excluded. My mother doesn't do this with my siblings and their spouses. I don't know the area well where she lives and it's totally suburban and nothing within walking distance and she insists my son drive in case they won't to go somewhere because god forbid he should drive her car. She makes no effort to spend time w me or my son. I'm dreading thanksgiving and her alone time while I take my son on a walk around suburbia for 4 hours. She is selfish and I'm glad others think this is strange too. My husband for some odd reason is utterly terrified of his mother and would never disobey her. She would DIE if he showed up w our child as our son is relegated to the kitchen only of her house and backyard not the front.
Don't go. DH can go alone. Refuse to go until he works out a plan that works for you.
Anonymous
11/21/2016 23:03
Subject: MIL and her "alone time" with DH
OP here... my MIL is crazy and my husband absolutely won't stand up to her. I feel excluded and sad for my child. When I plan outings for the family when she visits she always changes the plans so it's just her and my husband and me and my son excluded. My mother doesn't do this with my siblings and their spouses. I don't know the area well where she lives and it's totally suburban and nothing within walking distance and she insists my son drive in case they won't to go somewhere because god forbid he should drive her car. She makes no effort to spend time w me or my son. I'm dreading thanksgiving and her alone time while I take my son on a walk around suburbia for 4 hours. She is selfish and I'm glad others think this is strange too. My husband for some odd reason is utterly terrified of his mother and would never disobey her. She would DIE if he showed up w our child as our son is relegated to the kitchen only of her house and backyard not the front.
Anonymous
11/21/2016 23:02
Subject: Re:MIL and her "alone time" with DH
Seems weird, but if my son were grown, and I didn't like his wife, I might like some alone time too. Does he act different when he's around you than when he's around her?
Anonymous
11/21/2016 23:00
Subject: MIL and her "alone time" with DH
Anonymous wrote:I have a 3 year old boy. 30 years from now, if I only see him and his family a few days a year, yeah, I don't think it's too much to expect that I could spend 4 hours with my son, alone.
OP, you get to see your DH every day. You have "family time" every weekend. Why the hell would you begrudge your MIL some time with her son? There is nothing wrong with it except your attitude.
I agree with this. He's still her son!
Anonymous
11/21/2016 22:51
Subject: Re:MIL and her "alone time" with DH
This is seriously messed up, OP. Your MIL sounds certifiable. And just plain rude. I have three boys and two girls. My oldest two are married. In a million years I would never ask to have "alone time" with my son when they visit. When they are here, I want to spend time with ALL of them. Of course I love my son. I also love my DIL and my grandbaby. If anything, I offer to keep the baby so that my son and DIL can get out and do something fun as a couple.
And not letting you stay at her house? That is beyond weird. Your DH needs stand up to his batshit crazy mama. I am both a DIL and a MIL. Your MIL is exactly why there are so many jokes about horrid MILs. I simply would not put up with that.
And not letting you stay at her house? That is beyond weird. Your DH needs stand up to his batshit crazy mama. I am both a DIL and a MIL. Your MIL is exactly why there are so many jokes about horrid MILs. I simply would not put up with that.
Anonymous
11/21/2016 22:51
Subject: MIL and her "alone time" with DH
This is NOT normal. The hanging out with DH thing, not the hotel thing - I value my privacy, too, but it's extremely rude to exclude some while including others.
However your battle is not with her, it's with your husband who let's people treat his wife that way!
However your battle is not with her, it's with your husband who let's people treat his wife that way!
Anonymous
11/21/2016 22:42
Subject: MIL and her "alone time" with DH
So OP, you never spend time alone with your Mom? Or even if she visits while you have your kids with you, isn't that also time with her, particularly if kids are young? Maybe she is going about it in not so "politically correct way" but she just wants some time with her son. You might be a conversation grabber. What about if your mom wants to take you out for a dinner, just you, and not DH? Would your DH throw a tantrum? If yes, then I can see your point, if he is perfectly ok with it, then why the double standard?
Anonymous
11/21/2016 22:42
Subject: MIL and her "alone time" with DH
Maybe this is in her presentation?
You and your mom could theoretically go out for a spa appointment. DH and dad could go fishing together. MIL and DH could go out for lunch What's odd is that she's just presented it as "alone time" and is making it inconvenient for everyone else. Maybe she just wants to sit on the couch and look at him for four hours, but maybe she has something she wants to discuss.
Make it easy, make it normal and pick up as if nothing is amiss when they're done. Don't give her another reason to get annoyed with you.
You and your mom could theoretically go out for a spa appointment. DH and dad could go fishing together. MIL and DH could go out for lunch What's odd is that she's just presented it as "alone time" and is making it inconvenient for everyone else. Maybe she just wants to sit on the couch and look at him for four hours, but maybe she has something she wants to discuss.
Make it easy, make it normal and pick up as if nothing is amiss when they're done. Don't give her another reason to get annoyed with you.
Anonymous
11/21/2016 22:37
Subject: MIL and her "alone time" with DH
I have a 3 year old boy. 30 years from now, if I only see him and his family a few days a year, yeah, I don't think it's too much to expect that I could spend 4 hours with my son, alone.
OP, you get to see your DH every day. You have "family time" every weekend. Why the hell would you begrudge your MIL some time with her son? There is nothing wrong with it except your attitude.
OP, you get to see your DH every day. You have "family time" every weekend. Why the hell would you begrudge your MIL some time with her son? There is nothing wrong with it except your attitude.
Anonymous
11/21/2016 22:37
Subject: MIL and her "alone time" with DH
Anonymous wrote:My MIL insisted on having alone time with my husband every time we see her. It's annoying. We travel to see her as a family and she wants to take an afternoon to hang out alone with my husband. God forbid she should see her grandchild which she can only hand in "small doses". We are going to see her for 4 days for thanksgiving. She doesn't let us stay in her home so we stay in a hotel with a rental car etc. she would like to spend the afternoon on Friday from 12-4 with DH. Im annoyed. Not a whole lot to do without a car and I'd like to be together as a family. Is it normal for MIL to do this alone time thing?
So what? If your husband wants to do this, and you don't like it, then your issue is with him, not MIL. Take it up with him.