Then say so, and make it up to your DIL with some time to herself too.

Anonymous wrote:Uh, they aren't my parents. By day 3 I need to be away from them for a few hours or I will lose my mind. 2 full days (including hosting a full holiday meal for them!!) is plenty of time to spend with ILs.

Your DH probably just doesn't want to have to deal with them himself.

At least in our family, my ILs aren't here to see me, at all. They are first here to see my H, and a distant second, are here to see our kids. Several times they tried to dump the kids on me and cajole my H into taking just them somewhere so they can have him to themselves.

Can't you empathize with their desire to have some alone time with their son? Can you really not imagine ever wanting this with your children when they are grown up and you don't see them much?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and PP, I hear you! DH uses me as a human shield when his parents are in town. I SAH for now, so I am cooking/serving them three meals a day, babysitting them all day because otherwise they mope or get into trouble (attempt to renovate the house, get lost on walks, etc), and choreographing fun! Memories! Good times! with them and the kids. And then on the weekend when I just want five minutes to run an errand or dry my hair, DH lines up next to them in the kitchen at Meal O'Clock with the hungry bird look like he's never seen a stove or store, or looks at me and says "what are we doing today?".

That is why I always schedule my haircut and color (which takes 5 hours for all they know) for the weekend of their visit, which are always 10 days long.

Wise woman.

Nope. A wise woman would have an adult conversation with her husband and tell him to knock it off, and that he is in charge of his guests. Not willing to take a few days off work? Then they stay for long weekends only.

Anonymous wrote:OP and PP, I hear you! DH uses me as a human shield when his parents are in town. I SAH for now, so I am cooking/serving them three meals a day, babysitting them all day because otherwise they mope or get into trouble (attempt to renovate the house, get lost on walks, etc), and choreographing fun! Memories! Good times! with them and the kids. And then on the weekend when I just want five minutes to run an errand or dry my hair, DH lines up next to them in the kitchen at Meal O'Clock with the hungry bird look like he's never seen a stove or store, or looks at me and says "what are we doing today?".

That is why I always schedule my haircut and color (which takes 5 hours for all they know) for the weekend of their visit, which are always 10 days long.

Wise woman.

OP and PP, I hear you! DH uses me as a human shield when his parents are in town. I SAH for now, so I am cooking/serving them three meals a day, babysitting them all day because otherwise they mope or get into trouble (attempt to renovate the house, get lost on walks, etc), and choreographing fun! Memories! Good times! with them and the kids. And then on the weekend when I just want five minutes to run an errand or dry my hair, DH lines up next to them in the kitchen at Meal O'Clock with the hungry bird look like he's never seen a stove or store, or looks at me and says "what are we doing today?".

That is why I always schedule my haircut and color (which takes 5 hours for all they know) for the weekend of their visit, which are always 10 days long.

Your husband doesn't want to be alone with them!!! At least that;s how mine would be. He wants me to be a 24-7 buffer.

In a 4 day visit I will take a short amount of time for myself. I wish it could be more. The thing is--when in laws are visiting they want to spend the majority of their time with their grandchild but if I'm present then DS wants to be wherever I am and not with them as much. So I see it as doing them a favor--if I'm away then they get his full attention. But unfortunately they don't see it this way--they think I'm being rude. It is what it is--I'm far more pleasant when I have some time to myself.

I work full time and it's my time off as well. Being "on" all the time as a hostess always depletes me. But they never see it that way. They are more concerned for their son (DH) who works "so hard" and "never gets a break". Meanwhile poor DH was home by 3pm every day last week and took a day off ("worked from home") to play golf as well. I'm a teacher and MIL subs so she thinks that somehow that's the same thing and my job is a cakewalk and low-stress. But he plays into it and all that comes out of it is that I look like a poor hostess. So I relish those few precious hours to myself.

"Offended" is a choice

Anonymous wrote:My DIL does this--makes excuses to avoid us. It IS rude. Go to a museum! Make a memory!

I don't get this characterization. I don't spend all my waking hours in a given day with anyone, even DH or my kids - why should I have to do it with my ILs? It is perfectly normal to take breaks. My parents, not my ILs, give me grief about this when they visit. It needs to be "constant contact." I am so stressed out due to lack of time to myself when they visit that I claim to go to bed by 9pm.

Anonymous wrote:ILs are visiting Wednesday through Sunday. I want to go shopping by myself all morning/early afternoon on Saturday, figuring DH and the kids can spend time with them. DH thinks they will be offended that I won't be with them the whole visit. Thoughts?

If you work fulltime or stay at home with young kids, absolutely go. You likely habe zero time to effectively do errands and zero Me Time. 5 days is lng enough to stay with a working family to know they will still need to be taking care of business, not waiting on you you you.

Take a vacation together if you all want 24/7 quality time, don't houseguest, unless you are all retired.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DIL does this--makes excuses to avoid us. It IS rude. Go to a museum! Make a memory!

Or she is trying to give you space to enjoy your son and grandkids while she gets some holiday shopping done! Win-win!

This!

I don't believe in getting stressed about this kind of thing.

If it is a week long visit, u should spend time with in-laws. More than a week, you can take some time for yourself and it will be just fine. My ILs visit for a couple of months at a time. They are elderly and the travelling takes a lot out of them. For a week or so, till they settle down, I will spend all my free time with them, but after a week or so, once a routine has been established, I will take some time away too.

Also ask what will they want to do?

It doesn't sound like a Thanksgiving holiday, it sounds more like torture! Spend every minute with them? Good Lord, definitely not, go shopping.

I'm an introvert and have to take breaks like this to enjoy the rest of the time with longer term guests