Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are much older now. High school, college, and adults. We always had Christmas in our own home. It was important to me that the kids went to sleep in their own beds and woke up Christmas morning to Santa in their home. Some years we left to visit family Christmas Day after Santa. But we are always home Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.

Yes OP.

Santa at home in their own beds.

Then travel to see grandparents between Christmas and new year.

3-6 year old Chriatmas is magical. What your parents are wanting sounds like your kid's holiday will suck (no offense).

Santa comes one time to your house.

Santa does not come to the grandparents houses. Those gifts are from your parents.

YES. This makes life so much easier.

If your parents realize that your oldest is old enough to "get it" now, then they should also understand that wow part of Christmas is to make the little kids happy, not to create a satisfying experience for their adults. (Not all families may agree with this.) It's not fun for little kids to have to attend a string of high-expectation get-togethers, especially in places that are not familiar to them.

It's fine to travel to share holidays with members of your family if you need to, but it's definitely fair and okay for your and your DH to decide what your own Christmas celebration is going to be. When your kids are grown, what would you hope that their memories of Christmas are like? (Answering that question myself was not easy but has made a world of difference in enjoying holidays.) Good luck, OP - it's not an easy thing to navigate, especially when old hurts or score cards pop up.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are much older now. High school, college, and adults. We always had Christmas in our own home. It was important to me that the kids went to sleep in their own beds and woke up Christmas morning to Santa in their home. Some years we left to visit family Christmas Day after Santa. But we are always home Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.

Yes OP.

Santa at home in their own beds.

Then travel to see grandparents between Christmas and new year.

3-6 year old Chriatmas is magical. What your parents are wanting sounds like your kid's holiday will suck (no offense).

Santa comes one time to your house.

Santa does not come to the grandparents houses. Those gifts are from your parents.

Anonymous wrote:Christmas morning happens in your house, after your kids sleep in their own beds. If your parents want to be there to participate, that's great, but Santa only makes one stop per kid. Their choice.

This. While your kids are young at least.

We have ended up doing two 'Christmas mornings' to accommodate grandparents. The weekend before we have DHs family stay over, have a big dinner, and wake up the next morning and do a special breakfast and presents from them to us and us to them (no stockings or Santa). It's fun for kids and grands, gives us a chance to 'host' Christmas, and makes me feel better about the fact that actual Christmas morning is usually on the road visiting my parents.

Anonymous wrote:We used to do Xmas morning with santa presents etc at home, and drive 6 hours to grandparents on the 26th. After dinner when we arrived, we'd all gather around the tree (including local-to-the-grandparents aunts/uncles/cousins), and exchanged gw gifts. No santa presents. Are your parents at a point in their divorce where they could put their differences aside and both be present at the 'extended family Xmas celebration'? Grandparents aren't automatically involved in Xmas morning/Santa presents, but that might vary from family to family. Set precedent/expectations now, so that when your kids are older you're not trying to change things and getting pushback about how 'this is the way it's always been'

My husband's family did this as well. Everyone is too from us to do this now and he wishes we could do this for our kids to experience the extended family time at Christmas.

This is nuts. You ve your own family now, and you are going to miss stuff. Get used to pissing people off, but don't take these little kids and drive them al, those hours to accommodate both parents. Pick one. Next year do the other or announce Christmas is at your house.

You won't be able to control Santa having multiple visits if you go to your dads because you can't control everyone else. That's ok.

My kids are much older now. High school, college, and adults. We always had Christmas in our own home. It was important to me that the kids went to sleep in their own beds and woke up Christmas morning to Santa in their home. Some years we left to visit family Christmas Day after Santa. But we are always home Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.

Oh hell no. Stay home for Christmas Day, see them after. Or invite them both (ha!). But santa comes *once* at your house.

Decide what you and your DH actually want to do and then do it. Tell them that is the plan and don't back down.
They are going to be mad either way and will create drama over this every single year. One year Grandma will be mad that you went to Grandpa's first and the next year Grandpa will be mad that he didn't get the actual Christmas morning and Grandma got them the same gift.

Personally, I would do Santa at our own home Christmas morning only.

Here's what we do: Christmas Eve with one set of grandparents. Usually involves staying up very late, sometimes midnight mass. Christmas morning at our own house (Santa's only stop), late afternoon Christmas meal at other grandparents' house, 2 hours away. I would love to shift that second grandparent visit to the 26th, but it's been a tough sell. We absolutely do not compromise Christmas morning at our own house, with our kids sleeping in their beds. We refuse to be rushed through that.

Agree that Santa comes once. I mean, really, who do all these people think they are, pretending to be Santa anyway? They're just buying the gifts themselves and lying and saying Santa brought them.

Can you do Christmas at one and New Years at the other? Can you draw a line in the sand about the quantity of presents and tell them that you know it's fun to buy toys for the children, but you don't want them to grow up spoiled. Encourage the grandparents to do experience gifts with the kids, like taking them to a puppet show or a bounce place as a gift.

Santa presents come once. I had to explain this to my parents as well who told my DD who was to young to understand that Sanata was going to leave her presents at their house too. No no no. Santa comes wherever you are Christmas morning. Then you can go to someone else's house and open presents.

Anonymous wrote:
And Santa doesn't come more than once no matter what you decide to do. No way, no how. That would be the fastest way for your kids to figure out Santa, ever, short of telling them yourselves.

Agreed. Santa comes once.

We used to do Xmas morning with santa presents etc at home, and drive 6 hours to grandparents on the 26th. After dinner when we arrived, we'd all gather around the tree (including local-to-the-grandparents aunts/uncles/cousins), and exchanged gw gifts. No santa presents. Are your parents at a point in their divorce where they could put their differences aside and both be present at the 'extended family Xmas celebration'? Grandparents aren't automatically involved in Xmas morning/Santa presents, but that might vary from family to family. Set precedent/expectations now, so that when your kids are older you're not trying to change things and getting pushback about how 'this is the way it's always been'