Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go, sit towards the back, and skip the repast. It was 27 years ago, and she was important to your stepchildren.

You should check your tone.

Why? PP's tone is perfectly fine.

You should go. You've been with him and his children for 25 years. Your presence is to support your DH and your step kids. It sounds like you had a very good relationship with her.

I agree. You should go since you were friendly with the ex. I don't know why any of her family members would be upset. They will most likely be grateful that you helped her out when she needed it.

You should go and your DH should go. Your step children will need your support.

I would go. Sounds like there was a mutual respect. And more importantly, it sounds like the kids would appreciate it.could you ask them if they would be hurt if you went?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go, sit towards the back, and skip the repast. It was 27 years ago, and she was important to your stepchildren.

You should check your tone.

NP here and I am baffled by this post. I think OP and PP's tone are fine.

Anonymous wrote:I think funerals are okay to avoid. Who really wants to go to one anyway? It's not like you were close. Reserve funerals for your own loved ones.

Funerals are for the living. The OPs loved ones just lost their mother. Her step daughter has asked her to attend. She should go.

Anonymous wrote:The question isn't whether you should go (you should based on the info you gave) but why your DH isn't going to support his children after their mother's death? That seems selfish on his part unless there is something else you aren't telling us.

=1 This is his childrens' mother. For him it's a no-brainer.

I think it would be gracious if you to go.

The one thing no one should skip is a funeral. Everyone remembers who attended the funeral of their loved ones. Unless you were the sworn enemy of the deceased. you should go. I would suggest going for even the funeral of co-workers, teachers, neighbors etc. and not just your own loved ones.

Having said that, if you are not immediate family, you should be in the back, dress conservatively and respectfully - covered and minimal makeup, and keep a low profile.

Anonymous wrote:The question isn't whether you should go (you should based on the info you gave) but why your DH isn't going to support his children after their mother's death? That seems selfish on his part unless there is something else you aren't telling us.

This!

The question isn't whether you should go (you should based on the info you gave) but why your DH isn't going to support his children after their mother's death? That seems selfish on his part unless there is something else you aren't telling us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop making this about you. You go to the funereal to support your step kids and DH.

First of all, DH isn't going. Second of all I wasn't making it about me but I was asking to get an idea on the perspective from other family side..would they want me there? I was actually doing the opposite of being selfish I wanted to make sure I wasn't making them uncomfortable.

Ignore the asshole pp. (dear asshole pp: you have a reading comprehension problem and anger issues, time to log off.)

I think you should go for support for your kids and plus you were a friend to her. You truly did quite a bit for her. You are a class act.

Just curious why isn't your husband going?

Anonymous wrote:Stop making this about you. You go to the funereal to support your step kids and DH.

First of all, DH isn't going. Second of all I wasn't making it about me but I was asking to get an idea on the perspective from other family side..would they want me there? I was actually doing the opposite of being selfish I wanted to make sure I wasn't making them uncomfortable.

I was prepared to tell you to sit this one out but with your additional information I say go.

My parents divorced when I was small and my mom remarried a year or so later. My dad died when I was 14 and my step father came to the funeral. All of us kids (there's 6 of us and I'm the youngest) were really unhappy about it. It was very inappropriate...mainly because we just didn't like him and there was no reason for him to be there. I'm not sure they'd ever even met (certainly not when I was around.) I don't think this situation applies to you though. You sound like a really good person.