Anonymous
11/14/2016 11:29
Subject: Have you dated someone that was still friends with their ex?
What's "too comfortable"? Groping and french kisses when they greet? Being polite about coordinating schedules and calendars? Or just saying hi in an awkward situation cordially, talking and smiling together?
...maybe she's trying to show her new bf how sane and normal she is? Maybe the ex asked, so that he can be sure that the new bf isn't some psychotic he needs to worry about being around his kids?
If he dumps her after she was brave enough to expose herself like that, for that reason alone - I don't think that's a very nice thing to do
...maybe she's trying to show her new bf how sane and normal she is? Maybe the ex asked, so that he can be sure that the new bf isn't some psychotic he needs to worry about being around his kids?
If he dumps her after she was brave enough to expose herself like that, for that reason alone - I don't think that's a very nice thing to do
Anonymous
11/14/2016 10:44
Subject: Re:Have you dated someone that was still friends with their ex?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm friends with my ex. In fact, we vacation together because we want our kid to experience that. There is nothing to be jealous about. My ex know I still think he is an ass and a horrible romantic parter, but we can be friends when it comes to our child.
I know two divorced couples that vacation together. They always have sex when the kids are out. Like in the hotel bathroom. One explained that it's easy because they "have a history." I would be wary of these blurred lines if dating a divorcee.
Ick. I have vacationed often with my Ex and our kids. You couldn't pay me to sleep with him or be intimate in any way. We vacation together strictly for the kids. We go further and longer than we would if we were managing the kids by ourselves. Plus it's nice that we both get to see the kids react to new experiences instead of one of us being left out.
Sadly, when exDH got remarried his new wife no longer allowed him to do this. But neither did she include the kids on their vacations. So all the kids see is that Dad used to go on vacation with them, but now he goes on vacation with his new wife and doesn't invite them.
I am the one who first said that ex and I vacation together. We have never engaged in anything even remotely sexual. We didn't even sleep with each other when we were together. Why would we now?
Anonymous
11/12/2016 20:09
Subject: Re:Have you dated someone that was still friends with their ex?
My husband and I are both friends with my ex. My ex and I divorced because we decided that we worked better as friends. We've always been great friends, and divorce didn't change that. He's one of my dearest friends. Our kids have never had to deal with their parents fighting, because they've only seen their parents laughing and joking together.
Anonymous
11/12/2016 13:55
Subject: Re:Have you dated someone that was still friends with their ex?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm friends with my ex. In fact, we vacation together because we want our kid to experience that. There is nothing to be jealous about. My ex know I still think he is an ass and a horrible romantic parter, but we can be friends when it comes to our child.
I know two divorced couples that vacation together. They always have sex when the kids are out. Like in the hotel bathroom. One explained that it's easy because they "have a history." I would be wary of these blurred lines if dating a divorcee.
Ick. I have vacationed often with my Ex and our kids. You couldn't pay me to sleep with him or be intimate in any way. We vacation together strictly for the kids. We go further and longer than we would if we were managing the kids by ourselves. Plus it's nice that we both get to see the kids react to new experiences instead of one of us being left out.
Sadly, when exDH got remarried his new wife no longer allowed him to do this. But neither did she include the kids on their vacations. So all the kids see is that Dad used to go on vacation with them, but now he goes on vacation with his new wife and doesn't invite them.
Anonymous
11/12/2016 13:15
Subject: Have you dated someone that was still friends with their ex?
Yes - my husband is still friends with his very first college girlfriend. When I met my hubby she was living in SF so it didn't bother me. Now so many years later I know they are just friends. They talk about 1 or 2 times a year. Mostly happy birthday calls.
Anonymous
11/12/2016 10:18
Subject: Have you dated someone that was still friends with their ex?
Anonymous wrote:If she still is in love with her ex, your friend would have seen the signs by now and then meeting the ex would have been the a-ha moment for the behavior. Why is your friend trying to cut bait? Is he not into her and looking for an excuse, feeling the pressure like this sh$$ is about to get real because he met the ex-husband and maybe the kids, or worried about her being unfaithful because he has been burned before?
Because at the end of the day, it isn't about her ex-spouse, it's about her relationship with your friend. Does he feel like it is lacking, like they never spend time together, he comes after walking the dog on the list of priorities, that they don't communicate well, she holds back with him but not with other people etc. If your friend feels things are going well other than this worry, as pp mentioned if there really is too much getting along with the ex, that will end with a serious relationship unless the person has issues with setting boundaries in general. If the person has issues with setting boundaries, chances are that dynamic will play out in their relationship and cause issues. It's like we say when someone complains that they have an in law problem, it's like no, you have a spouse problem if your spouse isn't setting boundaries and has your back with his/her parents.
He's been cheated on in the past so he's very insecure when it comes to relationships.
Anonymous
11/12/2016 07:56
Subject: Re:Have you dated someone that was still friends with their ex?
The man I am dating is very good friends with his ex-wife, and I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!
My BF and his ex-wife got married when they were around 24 or 25, and were both BRAND-NEW in their profession (the same profession). They both admit that they never should have gotten married, as they were both way too career-driven and didn't have time for their relationship. They still respect each other very much, but they're much better as friends than as spouses.
She remarried several years after she and my BF divorced, but her second husband died a few years ago. My BF hasn't remarried since he divorced, but he has been in a few long-term relationships. They are both very secure in seeing the other be happy in relationships. There doesn't appear to be any jealousy. I find that to be a very positive thing!
I am not at all "threatened" by his relationship with his ex-wife, and instead feel the opposite. I love seeing how secure he is!
My BF and his ex-wife got married when they were around 24 or 25, and were both BRAND-NEW in their profession (the same profession). They both admit that they never should have gotten married, as they were both way too career-driven and didn't have time for their relationship. They still respect each other very much, but they're much better as friends than as spouses.
She remarried several years after she and my BF divorced, but her second husband died a few years ago. My BF hasn't remarried since he divorced, but he has been in a few long-term relationships. They are both very secure in seeing the other be happy in relationships. There doesn't appear to be any jealousy. I find that to be a very positive thing!
I am not at all "threatened" by his relationship with his ex-wife, and instead feel the opposite. I love seeing how secure he is!
Anonymous
11/12/2016 07:30
Subject: Have you dated someone that was still friends with their ex?
I think it depends on a lot of things. I am friends with one ex, though we have not seen each other in 20 years. My wife was friends with two of her ex's, but her ex's gf was jealous of her, and a choice was given. (by her ex's new gf).
In my case, the reason by I broke up with the ex was, as I got older, I developed a strong desire to be a parent. My ex was 20 y older than me, and at 54, she was not going to have a child. She knew it. I knew it. There was also concern as to would I have to take care of her later. Funny thing is, today, she is healthier than me. I am fighting cancer and have heart problems. She? no medical issues.
In my case, the reason by I broke up with the ex was, as I got older, I developed a strong desire to be a parent. My ex was 20 y older than me, and at 54, she was not going to have a child. She knew it. I knew it. There was also concern as to would I have to take care of her later. Funny thing is, today, she is healthier than me. I am fighting cancer and have heart problems. She? no medical issues.