Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH takes the dishes and literally tosses them into the dishwasher without a thought about how it should be placed inside to maximize the number of dishes washed. Last night he put a cookie sheet on the top rack. Just laid it there horizontally. WTF?

But...he's really charming. And I kind of find it all adorable.

I have a rule: You can ask me to do something OR you can show me how to do do something , but you can't have both. If you want both you can do it your f*#cing self.

I do the dishes, make the bed, clean the floors MY way. If you don't like it then have fun doing it while I'm out with the guys.

You sound like a catch.

My house is always immaculate because having a clean, organized house is important to me. I recognize that my DH does not even see clutter the way I do. Neither do my kids. A cup sitting next to the sink would not even be on their radar. I would notice it instantly - like a hawk sees a mouse. Expecting my DH to put his cup in the dishwasher sounds great, but he is not going to remember. If I remind him - even nicely - it's going to sound like nagging. And we aren't talking about a sink full of dirty dishes. It's one cup. Or one plate. It's not worth becoming "that wife". So, I will get mildly annoyed, then smile and remember all the really great things he does all day. And I'll put the dish in the sink.

We have been married 30 years. I think we have both learned to let the little stuff go. Yesterday my DH and my BIL tracked mud all over my kitchen and dropped a deer head in my shiny new farmhouse sink. Normally dead things are dressed and processed before they come inside. Apparently they wanted the boys to see the rack before they removed it. Gross. That is a hill worth dying on. I think I scared them both. The did a great job cleaning up.

Anonymous wrote:My DH takes the dishes and literally tosses them into the dishwasher without a thought about how it should be placed inside to maximize the number of dishes washed. Last night he put a cookie sheet on the top rack. Just laid it there horizontally. WTF?

But...he's really charming. And I kind of find it all adorable.

I have a rule: You can ask me to do something OR you can show me how to do do something , but you can't have both. If you want both you can do it your f*#cing self.

I do the dishes, make the bed, clean the floors MY way. If you don't like it then have fun doing it while I'm out with the guys.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW does this, drives me nuts. She will leave the entire day of dishes next to the sink

Yup. That's me. I hate dishes. I do almost everything else though so I don't feel bad about it.

Ha, I'm another DW who leaves dishes in the sink. Drives my DH crazy. We did have a marriage counselor who told him to lighten the eff up.

Not sure if this is helpful, but I know the more my DH nags me to do things the less I do them. Or he'll tell me I did things wrong (why did you load the dishwasher that way?" or "why would you vacuum like that?!") and the more critical of me he is, the less I do. When he's appreciative I do more. One of those "you get more flies with honey than vinegar" sort of things.

Anonymous wrote:DW does this, drives me nuts. She will leave the entire day of dishes next to the sink

Yup. That's me. I hate dishes. I do almost everything else though so I don't feel bad about it.

My husband usually does the dishes so I'm usually the one guilty of this crime. Oops!

OP, I get it. This drives me crazy, too. My husband did stop putting his crumpled paper napkin on his dirty plate, so I am grateful for that.

At least he puts it in the sink. Mine will set his on the counter NEXT TO THE SINK

I'll just add that I hate it when my husband and teenage son put their dirty dishes in the sink WITH their crumpled napkin and any other wrapper trash on the plate.

DW does this, drives me nuts. She will leave the entire day of dishes next to the sink

I WOULD LOSE MY MIND.

We keep our dishwasher empty though -- if it is clean and you have a dish, unload it, don't put the dish in the sink.

Everyone has their pet peeves. This would absolutely make me insane. For me, dishes in the sink tends to lead to "broken window" syndrome (which I know has been debunked on crime, but it's totally true in keeping my house clean).

1. No dishes in the sink.
2. Bed made daily
3. Laundry put away, no clothes strewn on furniture/floor/clean laundry waiting in a basket.

If those 3 things happen consistently, our house stays tidy. When one of those things goes, it is a quick descent down to messy town.

My husband didn't do any of those 3 things naturally when we got married, but luckily I married someone who is easy going and willing to try things I tell him are important to me. He told me after a few years of being married and seeing how his brother lives (him and his wife are borderline hoarders, but a lot of the mess stems from not taking care of things when they first come up), that he feels like his life is way better and easier now with those habits.

Now, as to how to change it... for me, the only things that work with getting DH to change a behavior are 1) Being super extra nice about it, not naggy or bitchy, and just sincerely telling him it would mean a lot to me and 2) Giving him time. He does change and adapt to my suggestions, but it can take him months and the more I push, the more he pushes back. Asking once and then letting it go for at least a few months is key with my husband. We both had to come to realizations about the best way to keep our household & marriage happy, and after several years of that learning, the process sped up because we both moved towards the middle versus our natural approach (me demanding, him resisting).

Op, that's a personal pet peeve, not a universally accepted thing.

In my experience as someone who had a zillion roommates before living with my husband, your system doesn't work. I don't know why, but it just doesn't. Very few people will wash a dish or put it in the dishwasher right after using it.

Anonymous wrote:If that is the only thing, you are lucky

Yep. Let it go. Do you really want to be that girl? The one who nags about one fucking dish?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If that is the only thing, you are lucky

Of course it's not the only thing. But its such a small thing to fix. I used to take the garbage cans to the curb and then leave them there all day until he came home. Who cares? He does. He told me that he doesn't like them sitting out there. So I now bring them in after the trash is picked up. It takes a couple of seconds. Why can't he do that?

Because he doesn't love and value you. Obviously.

My teenage boys do this. My husband knows better.