My husband did this on his own when our kids were small and not only has it not borne any of the heavily hinted at fruits from his company (promotion, major raise, etc.), he realized when our eldest son was 8 that he didn't even know him. Their relationship has yet to recover, and DS is 12 now. I was a single mom for three years, raising two kids while working and fighting cancer. That took its toll on our relationship. I got used to being on my own and distance was created. I'm proud of him for getting the degree, but it wasn't good for our family, at least it hasn't been so far, four years after he finished it. You've done damage. To fix it, you need to be there for them and give them help on THEIR terms, not yours. They may not want you to babysit - he sees the kids so little as it is. I bet they'd love a cleaning service or a meal service, though.

Yikes!

My dad wanted to be a lawyer and went one term but decided seeing his kids was more important. I don't think he's regretted it, and this was years ago when you could actually get a job once you finished.

Butt out! She probably doesn't want you meddling i. Her kid's lives too. She'd probably like for them to have a backbone as well.

Wow your son is headed for a divorce thanks to your meddling. And still you have no remorse and keep pushing!?? You are clueless. But have also apparently raised a clueless son. DIL probably wants to get the hell away from all of you and I don't blame her. If you really care about your son's happiness you will give them no strings attached money so they can hire help. Don't expect her to auto forgive you for fucking up their lives after that either. And STOP telling them what to do, what's best in the long run, etc, etc. FFS he's a grown man it's time for you to get to know him and treat him as an adult and not as your baby. You need to earn back her trust and respect by respecting them as a couple and family and backing WAAY off.

Otherwise, Good luck seeing your grandkids after she gets primary custody, and watching your son use his hard earned degree to pay for his lonely divorced dad apartment & child support.

And btw, she's also right, you did help rob your son of experiencing his kids' formative years which no money wil ever buy back. No idea how you can justify that.

What is a terminal degree??

Oh man. I sincerely hope that he is at a top 5 law school and is able to get a good job when he is done.

Anonymous wrote:A 29 yo married man with kids is letting his parents make career decisions for him. Wow.

Yeah, OP, this is a HUGE boundary issue. This shouldn't be happening at all. That alone could kill a marriage.

You have the best intentions. You are a loving mother and MIL.

You need to stop micromanaging your adult child's life.

He needs to live his life and make his own mistakes.

Please, for the love of all things holy, BACK OFF.

There is no need to mull over the past. It's done.
There is dire need to give them space, and perhaps help without strings attached - but only if you can really do that! Many people cannot.

Wow. I agree with your DIL, completely. Your grandchildren deserve to have their father around. Not to mention, they deserve a mother who isn't scrambling working full time and raising them practically alone. A law degree is not what it used to be and sounds not worth it at all to me.

She doesn't want you to babysit because the pressure you put on them has put her in a terrible position.

Wow, indeed. And as a lawyer, I totally agree. It does not even seem like your son actually wants to practice, just wants a degree for the sake of a degree and a bump up in his current job. If the latter is the case, I would seriously suggest he reconsider the next 18 months. Their lives (her life in particular) sounds miserable.

Your DIL was right letting you know how she feels. Would you have tolerated your MIL interfering in your relationship with your DH? You owe them both an apology and really need to back off. It's not any if your business.

Anonymous wrote:A 29 yo married man with kids is letting his parents make career decisions for him. Wow.

While the cheap ass parents don't contribute

A 29 yo married man with kids is letting his parents make career decisions for him. Wow.

*offer to

Off to subside her ability to stay home if you meddle so much.
Give her 5k per month and she won't hate you,

Wow. I agree with your DIL, completely. Your grandchildren deserve to have their father around. Not to mention, they deserve a mother who isn't scrambling working full time and raising them practically alone. A law degree is not what it used to be and sounds not worth it at all to me.

She doesn't want you to babysit because the pressure you put on them has put her in a terrible position.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the only thing you can do is
1. apologize (and never say "but... it will pay off, I'm right, etc.")
2. back the f off forever
3. offer all the help you can by either watching their kids all the time or giving them enough money to hire a cleaning service and regular babysitting.

If you want to be close to your grandkids, do it.

Just saw she doesn't welcome your babysitting overtures. Give them money for babysitters, food services, cleaning services, etc. Offer to babysit when kids are asleep at night too.

This! Show you care about her needs NOW.