We hire help. Some people will help bring things to the kitchen but they're just left on the kitchen counter and the people we've hired will do the rest.

Anonymous wrote:My family is Italian-American and everyone helps clean up.

Same heee with our Irish-American family. And, the men do the cleaning while the women have tea. This is because the women do the cooking.

But guests that aren't part of the family aren't expected or asked to help clean up.

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws expect you to help and consider themselves wronged if you leave before every dish is cleaned, dried and put away. Even if dinner was 3 hours later than promised, it is 10 PM and your three young children are melting down.

This is the WORST. If you're going to host something, host it.

I have a friend who always has dinner ready hours after she said it would be on the table. We've learned to eat a full meal immediately before we go over. I don't get people like this, especially when no one has asked them to host. Let's all just meet at a restaurant!

At my parents, everyone pitches in and it's noticeable that DH doesn't naturally join in. However, at my ILs,no one helps with anything-- and my ILs expect to be hosted similarly when they visit us. I prefer when everyone helps, but have gotten used to just enjoying being lazy when I'm at the ILs.

Guests who aren't family at a holiday dinner don't clean up. Family dinners at holidays I want some help cleaning up. I cook for 12 people, all of whom are able bodied and capable.

Anonymous wrote:People often offer, but I nearly always refuse.

However, if you are also staying at my house for the holiday, haven't lifted a finger to help with the holiday preparations despite the fact that I am hosting your entire side of the family, actively got in my way while I was cooking the meal, and otherwise are a royal pain in the ass while you are a guest, I'm going to add you not volunteering to help with the dishes to the list of reasons I hate your visits.

+1

LOL. This.

I don't let guests wash dishes. Period. Medium-clise friends I might let bring in a dirty dish or two from the dining room before shooing them away. Close friends I let help clear the table and occasionally wrap up leftovers, because it makes them feel comfortable.

People often offer, but I nearly always refuse.

However, if you are also staying at my house for the holiday, haven't lifted a finger to help with the holiday preparations despite the fact that I am hosting your entire side of the family, actively got in my way while I was cooking the meal, and otherwise are a royal pain in the ass while you are a guest, I'm going to add you not volunteering to help with the dishes to the list of reasons I hate your visits.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in PA with depression era parents. Guests never lifted a finger. They never brought anything or helped in any way.

This is the way I am, too. I'm a 30 year old white female, for context.

I think it's lousy manners to put a guest "to work" in your home. I also think it's weird and rude to start assigning dishes for people to bring to an event I'm hosting in my home, so I don't do that either. If I'm hosting someone in my home, I consider myself 100% responsible for everything, start to finish. It feels inappropriate to me to start rummaging through someone's kitchen to "help", so it feels unnatural for me to offer to help with food prep and dishes. However, I know that many people consider not offering to help rude, so I usually offer but don't insist. I also offer to bring a dish, because I know that's socially expected, too.

Exceptions are VERY close girlfriends and family with whom I truly have emotionally strong and positive relationships. I don't think anything of cleaning their kitchens or whatever.

My family has started using fancy paper plates at big meals. No dishes at all to do! And no one judges.

My in-laws expect you to help and consider themselves wronged if you leave before every dish is cleaned, dried and put away. Even if dinner was 3 hours later than promised, it is 10 PM and your three young children are melting down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have our cleaning person come and help with dishes. It is a totally luxury I know but so worth it. The family enjoys the whole evening together. Kitchen is spotless and leftovers are all organized.

Isn't it difficult to get someone during the holidays? Do they eat with you?

Not everyone in America celebrates every holiday. What were you doing on Sukkot? See? It's not a holiday you probably celebrate. Well, not everyone celebrates Thanksgiving or Christmas or 4th of July.

My family is Italian-American and everyone helps clean up.

Is this at your girlfriend's family's house? Are there other young people or are you the only ones?

Anonymous wrote:It depends. At my former inlaws I loved to clean up just to avoid that awful family. I was happy to be alone washing dishes.

Growing up, I learned that. Everyone was chatting, it was boring so I'd sneak off to the kitchen to clean up and used it as an excuse.