Anonymous
10/20/2016 09:46
Subject: Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
Anonymous wrote:If THIS is OPs hill to die on (baby shower thrown by MIL before OPs first child is even born) does anyone else foresee a very difficult parenting journey for OP?
You might as well rip the bandaid off now OP and let MIL know she cannot see baby until two montus after baby is born and only if she provides an updated copy of her shot records, she is not allowed to sing any lullabies or read any books to baby if they are not the same "classics" OPs mom read to her, she cannot rock the baby to sleep, no toys, no presents, no clothes, no babysitting, no treats, no Christmas visits especially if it involves bringing future grandkid to Christmas services so their church friends can see how cute baby is and No. Non-organic. Food. Or. Snacks.
Deviation from said rules will result in immediate cut off from the baby, unless you need emergency babysitting, in which case the babysitting rule will be dropped (but not the others).
And also let MIL know that if she plays along and follows all your rules, you promise to be very angry at her in six to ten years when she doesn't have a close relationship with the now kid sized baby while maintaining a close relationship with her other grandkids.
It is, after all, the dcum way.
Sorry, but "parenting" is not the same thing as "appeasing MIL."
Anonymous
10/20/2016 09:44
Subject: Re:Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
Hill to die on was a joke. There is at least one dcum poster who seems to rep the interests of mils, and who is always telling anyone who complains that they chose the wrong "hill to die on."
Anonymous
10/20/2016 09:38
Subject: Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
This really is an Internet thing and not real life.
Anonymous
10/20/2016 09:37
Subject: Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
If THIS is OPs hill to die on (baby shower thrown by MIL before OPs first child is even born) does anyone else foresee a very difficult parenting journey for OP?
You might as well rip the bandaid off now OP and let MIL know she cannot see baby until two montus after baby is born and only if she provides an updated copy of her shot records, she is not allowed to sing any lullabies or read any books to baby if they are not the same "classics" OPs mom read to her, she cannot rock the baby to sleep, no toys, no presents, no clothes, no babysitting, no treats, no Christmas visits especially if it involves bringing future grandkid to Christmas services so their church friends can see how cute baby is and No. Non-organic. Food. Or. Snacks.
Deviation from said rules will result in immediate cut off from the baby, unless you need emergency babysitting, in which case the babysitting rule will be dropped (but not the others).
And also let MIL know that if she plays along and follows all your rules, you promise to be very angry at her in six to ten years when she doesn't have a close relationship with the now kid sized baby while maintaining a close relationship with her other grandkids.
It is, after all, the dcum way.
You might as well rip the bandaid off now OP and let MIL know she cannot see baby until two montus after baby is born and only if she provides an updated copy of her shot records, she is not allowed to sing any lullabies or read any books to baby if they are not the same "classics" OPs mom read to her, she cannot rock the baby to sleep, no toys, no presents, no clothes, no babysitting, no treats, no Christmas visits especially if it involves bringing future grandkid to Christmas services so their church friends can see how cute baby is and No. Non-organic. Food. Or. Snacks.
Deviation from said rules will result in immediate cut off from the baby, unless you need emergency babysitting, in which case the babysitting rule will be dropped (but not the others).
And also let MIL know that if she plays along and follows all your rules, you promise to be very angry at her in six to ten years when she doesn't have a close relationship with the now kid sized baby while maintaining a close relationship with her other grandkids.
It is, after all, the dcum way.
Anonymous
10/20/2016 09:36
Subject: Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There are no rules when it comes to throwing a party. Anyone can throw a party. Period.
If any invited guest is offended by an invite from a relative and/or views a baby shower as a gift grab, then that person is simply an asshat...and who wants an asshat at their shower?
Both my mother and MIL hosted bridal and baby showers for me (two different states). And I've been to dozens of showers hosted by family. Nobody bats an eye.
You know what I did find offensive? Being expected to foot the bill for a bridal shower along with the MOH and bridesmaids when most of us were in law school (and not working) because the mother said it would be "inappropriate" for her to host it. You know who should host parties? People with the time, energy, money and interest.
I agree.
And fwiw, I am in my 40s and have never met a first time mom who did not have their family baby shower thrown by one of the future grandmas.
The family shower (people you are closest to) is completely separate from the shower people you are not close to throw (coworkers and casual friends).
Family showers with thise closest sounds nice. What if instead it is a guest list of people who baby's mom does not know?
MOMS/MILs often throw bridal showers, but they are restricted to inviting only those that the bride and groom invited to the wedding.
With baby showers, some moms/mils invite their own friends, who are not close to dd/dil at all, resulting in awkwardness.
Anonymous
10/20/2016 09:32
Subject: Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
Anonymous wrote:There are no rules when it comes to throwing a party. Anyone can throw a party. Period.
If any invited guest is offended by an invite from a relative and/or views a baby shower as a gift grab, then that person is simply an asshat...and who wants an asshat at their shower?
Both my mother and MIL hosted bridal and baby showers for me (two different states). And I've been to dozens of showers hosted by family. Nobody bats an eye.
You know what I did find offensive? Being expected to foot the bill for a bridal shower along with the MOH and bridesmaids when most of us were in law school (and not working) because the mother said it would be "inappropriate" for her to host it. You know who should host parties? People with the time, energy, money and interest.
This is one of the most intelligent things I've ever read on DCUM. Spot on.
OP, go ahead and die on that hill so we don't have to invite you to my party.
Anonymous
10/20/2016 09:30
Subject: Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Traditions are important in society. The family baby/bridal shower is a right of passage in some communities.
Showers thrown by grandma on behalf of the families is a perfectly normal and appropriate tradition that is VERy common.
Sip and sees thrown by mom are tacky, right in the same vein as destination weddings.
Wrong, because a sip and see is just an ooen house. It is not a gift giving affair. But I understand how some people might equate any party with gifts.
Anonymous
10/20/2016 09:27
Subject: Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like the biggest b***h! Are you sad because no one threw you a shower?
What a useless thread.
I am an aggrieved DIL, and I am not the only one
Anonymous
10/20/2016 09:27
Subject: Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
I think the moms of dcum just hate their MILs and in many cases, their own moms too, so they look for fault in even the kindest and most normal of traditions.
Anonymous
10/20/2016 09:25
Subject: Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
Anonymous wrote:Traditions are important in society. The family baby/bridal shower is a right of passage in some communities.
Showers thrown by grandma on behalf of the families is a perfectly normal and appropriate tradition that is VERy common.
Sip and sees thrown by mom are tacky, right in the same vein as destination weddings.
Anonymous
10/20/2016 09:23
Subject: Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
Anonymous wrote:There are no rules when it comes to throwing a party. Anyone can throw a party. Period.
If any invited guest is offended by an invite from a relative and/or views a baby shower as a gift grab, then that person is simply an asshat...and who wants an asshat at their shower?
Both my mother and MIL hosted bridal and baby showers for me (two different states). And I've been to dozens of showers hosted by family. Nobody bats an eye.
You know what I did find offensive? Being expected to foot the bill for a bridal shower along with the MOH and bridesmaids when most of us were in law school (and not working) because the mother said it would be "inappropriate" for her to host it. You know who should host parties? People with the time, energy, money and interest.
I agree.
And fwiw, I am in my 40s and have never met a first time mom who did not have their family baby shower thrown by one of the future grandmas.
The family shower (people you are closest to) is completely separate from the shower people you are not close to throw (coworkers and casual friends).
Anonymous
10/20/2016 09:06
Subject: Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
OP, you sound like the biggest b***h! Are you sad because no one threw you a shower?
What a useless thread.
What a useless thread.
Anonymous
10/20/2016 09:02
Subject: Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think it is extremely poor manners to be so petty about the particulars actually.
Showers are happy celebrations. Who cares who throws them?
Most people don't care about the celebration. They only care about raking in the stuff so they don't have to buy it. If they really cared about the celebration, they would buy their own stuff and host a sip n see themselves AFTER the baby is born so guests could really celebrate the true guest of honour. But they don't do that, do they?
You don't speak for most people. Most people I know that had showers couldn't care less about the gifts and felt awkward about even doing a registry. They were in it for the celebration of a new baby.
Anonymous
10/20/2016 08:11
Subject: Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
Traditions are important in society. The family baby/bridal shower is a right of passage in some communities.
Anonymous
10/20/2016 08:01
Subject: Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think it is extremely poor manners to be so petty about the particulars actually.
Showers are happy celebrations. Who cares who throws them?
Most people don't care about the celebration. They only care about raking in the stuff so they don't have to buy it. If they really cared about the celebration, they would buy their own stuff and host a sip n see themselves AFTER the baby is born so guests could really celebrate the true guest of honour. But they don't do that, do they?
Oh let's not start expecting moms with brand new babies to throw Sip and See parties. Horrible idea.