Anonymous wrote:It's a delicate issue. If there was no parental or societal or peer pressure, wouldn't most teens pursue easy majors?

No.

Anonymous wrote:I chose my own major in college and was certainly old enough and mature enough to do so. My parents did help pay for college but once I graduated from high school, I was treated like the adult I was (being 18 at the time). Barring some unforeseen difficulties, I can't imagine why I wouldn't afford my own children the same respect.

This is me, too.

I did call my parents when I dropped one of my majors (I had gone into college with a double major), and picked up a minor that gave me marketable skills the others didn't offer. They appreciated that I told them, but it wasn't a requirement. I just tell them most things that are going on in my life. Still, at 36.

FWIW, the major I stuck with was one of those liberal arts majors that get folks upset on this board. And I use it (and my minor!) every single day, in my paying job.

I changed my major in college. I was not required by the University to ask parental permission first nor was I required by the University to inform them of the change.

I chose my own major in college and was certainly old enough and mature enough to do so. My parents did help pay for college but once I graduated from high school, I was treated like the adult I was (being 18 at the time). Barring some unforeseen difficulties, I can't imagine why I wouldn't afford my own children the same respect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they had to discuss wanting to change majors with me before doing it.

When you are not paying, you are not in control.

We are paying, but do not want to be in control. We are paying because we earn the money, and because we don't want DC to have student debt. We believe it is our responsibility to pay for his education through his undergraduate degree.

Just because we pay our kids' way doesn't make us dictators. As they get older, especially, we view our role as "trusted consultant." Our DC mostly treats us this way, because we don't exert control over him and his choices. He understands that college is an investment and that it is his responsibility to get an education and experience so as to enable him to be self-supporting after he gets his degree.

+1000.

Anonymous wrote:We have four in or through college. They shared the big stuff with us because we have a close relationship with them. They certainly didn't need my permission. We paid for part. They had merit scholarships for part. To me, who paid was irrelevant. These are adults. I trust my adult kids to find their own paths.

I agree. Especially since they aren't given 18 years of working to save up for their own college. The same parents who want all that control are the ones who would absolutely freak out of their poor, browbeaten could decided to hell with college if it means having mom and dad control every aspect.

My kid knows he gets a one shot deal from us. He can choose his own way, but if he screws it up, he has to pay for his own second chance. I think that's fair. He gets no string attached college money, and he gets to be an adult.

You should try to help your child make decisions that is right for him/her. To expect an 18 yo to know how to spend the rest of their lives is a bit much. Even if they get the degree there's no assurance they will work in the field. Let them feel like they can explore options and discover what they really are good at. Eventually you have to trust them. Since our goal is our child's happiness, we let her pick. Frankly if she quit tomorrow and became a bohemian instead of the physicist she planned on, we would probably still pay her rent. Don't any of you remember having dreams of all the possible things you could become? The world was full of wonder and opportunity when I was young. Why would I steal my DD's dreams away from her? BTW, she has a bohemian friend and she's lovely and doing very well writing songs in Hawaii. It's not the worst that could happen.

We have four in or through college. They shared the big stuff with us because we have a close relationship with them. They certainly didn't need my permission. We paid for part. They had merit scholarships for part. To me, who paid was irrelevant. These are adults. I trust my adult kids to find their own paths.

The only reason I graduated with the major I did is because my father pressured me into it my senior year of high school and I was too nervous to tell him 2nd semester of freshman year that I wanted to switch. I regretted it for a few years after graduating but got over it eventually because regrets are just wasted mental energy. For whatever it's worth, I had a full ride merit scholarship but my parents were providing my health insurance, paying for my cell phone on the family plan, and letting me live at home in the summers between school and the start of my internships.

Based on my experience, I decided I will try to do things a bit differently with my kids. I'll save a certain amount for each of them to use for higher education and expect them to manage it as they wish but once it's gone it's gone. I don't want any control, and I only want whatever amount of input or advice they're comfortable with me giving, although of course I hope our relationship is good enough that they'll want to talk to me about what's going on in their life. But I don't want to assume that's the case or put them in a pressured situation if I'm wrong.

Even though you pay, you kid is NOT required to tell you if they change their major. The school doesn't require a permission slip like they did in kindergarten.

Seems like this is a dynamic that gets set well before college. Both my kids actually call to discuss course selection every semester. We sure don't ask them to, but they like some guidance. Sometimes our guidance is to tell them to talk with their advisor.

One DC did change majors, and we did discuss the pros and cons but it was pretty straightforward in the end - DC was getting poor grades in the first course of study and ended up being passionate about and getting good grades in the second so it was a no brainer. That DC ended up in a great graduate school in an unrelated field so it was better to do well than to major in a particular subject.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they had to discuss wanting to change majors with me before doing it.

When you are not paying, you are not in control.

This ... my parents didn't pay ... and I didn't feel obligated to tell them anything.

It's a delicate issue. If there was no parental or societal or peer pressure, wouldn't most teens pursue easy majors?

Anonymous wrote:They're adults. You helicopter parents need to back off. It's not your life.

how about if i "back off" on paying the tuition and living costs as well then?

Anonymous wrote:Or can they pursue whatever major they want? I heard a story of a pre-med kid changing to the far easier and less marketable gender studies ... the parents didn't know until junior year when the daughter informed them she was not preparing for MCAT or medical school. Yikes.

Weird question OP. Of course they can pursue whatever major they want. You always have the option of paying or not paying for it. You can't force an adult (or child if you still think of them as that) to pursue a major if it doesn't fit them. It would be nice for them to tell you that they are changing their major but all students have different relationships with their parents.