Anonymous wrote:So he was gone for work all week? Seems like he wants to spend some time with his DD after being gone so long.

You missed crucial parts of the story.

My DH is also emotionally abusive and used to lie and gaslight me. I started doing the same. This is totally not my nature, I could never lie... But it has really worked.. he seems a bit confused and hesitant and has got much nicer. It's also helped keep the peace, since I just don't bother to argue over things, I just tell him what he wants to hear.

Of course it's not a llife plan but for now I feel much saner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the DCUM women thank you for allowing them to whip out their favorite relationship buzzword today.

Just because it's a buzzword, doesn't mean this isn't a PERFECT example of the phenomenon.

You seem to be very in to making this comment. Are you guilty of gaslighting yourself? You seem to enjoy minimizing emotional abuse...

+1

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP, my husband does the exact same thing to me. My MIL is a psychiatrist and has told me I need to get out, and she is helping me. I know what you are going through, and it's really hard especially if you have kids. You want to stick it out for the kids, but you can't fix a mental disorder if they are not willing to get help. I am literally a shell of my former self from the mental games and abuse I have dealt with for the past 10 years (the first 5 years of our marriage was good, then he turned into a crazy person)

Wow. I posted upthread about my husband and his gaslighting, and my journal-keeping.
I would have a few questions for you, actually. Can you do an AMA with your MIL as consultant?

This sounds like my marriage. Google passive aggressive hasband and crazy maker.

I have been putting up with exactly same stuff in 7 years of my married life, never knew there was a term for it. I will look into it to understand more.
I wish you the best OP.

Anonymous wrote:OP, the DCUM women thank you for allowing them to whip out their favorite relationship buzzword today.

Just because it's a buzzword, doesn't mean this isn't a PERFECT example of the phenomenon.

You seem to be very in to making this comment. Are you guilty of gaslighting yourself? You seem to enjoy minimizing emotional abuse...

So he was gone for work all week? Seems like he wants to spend some time with his DD after being gone so long.

Is it possible he could also be losing it mentally? Maybe he needs to see a neurologist?

I feel you OP, my husband does the exact same thing to me. My MIL is a psychiatrist and has told me I need to get out, and she is helping me. I know what you are going through, and it's really hard especially if you have kids. You want to stick it out for the kids, but you can't fix a mental disorder if they are not willing to get help. I am literally a shell of my former self from the mental games and abuse I have dealt with for the past 10 years (the first 5 years of our marriage was good, then he turned into a crazy person)

Keep a journal, OP. That's the only way to keep track of reality with some people. There are a few types of people who live in their own version of reality, and they are a nightmare to deal with, because they make you feel crazy when they're the ones with the issues. People who are leading double lives, like addicts and cheaters, will also lie a lot to keep you off balance, so you never really know what they're doing and you're never sure what is real.

Why do you sound as if you're living separate lives? He doesn't tell you his weekend plans? How do you coordinate and do things together? He makes plans alone with your daughter without telling or including you? Why wouldn't he tell you, even more so if you'd been discussing which performers were inappropriate. That's a consensus parenting decision.

Your situation is creepy, because, for whatever reason, he's trying to keep you off balance. Document it. I have dealt with someone who was always lying and insisting on different stories, keeping a lot vague, and I kept my sanity by keeping a journal and by having a good memory.

I don't know OP. My DH does this also and I am not sure if he is gas-lighting or has his own version of reality. In my case there is good evidence on both sides. He does have occasional "altered reality" and he does get confused between fantasy and reality. On the other hand, he can also be very defensive when he thinks I am upset with him and I do suspect gas lighting at times.
So look for patterns of behavior and try to record as much as possible. I don't know if this is helpful but I do want you to know you are not the only one dealing with this! It's nuts.

Anonymous wrote:This might sound juvenile, but I would one up his game. His concert is tonight, right? I would also go out and be sure to arrive home 3 hours later than him and when he asks where you were, you reply that you told him you were meeting friends.... No arguing, just treat him the same way he is treating you.

This is a good idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit, this is scary. These are SERIOUS levels of manipulation and abuse. This isn't just him being a normally nice person with some manipulative traits - this is a dangerous individual.

You are not only being gaslighted, but you are being deliberately sidelined out of your DD's life as your DH tries to exert more power and more control in the family. He doesn't want you to be the "favorite" parent, as if parenting is a competition, and he also doesn't care about you personally.

You are not safe in this marriage, and especially because your post seems to indicate a pattern of gaslighting behavior.

I am giving you this warning and advice for the preservation of your sanity and your mental and emotional health: get. out. now.

I do not given divorce advice lightly or often on this forum, but you need to divorce this man.

That's quite the reaction. You got all that from OP's post?

My DH wouldn't dream of treating me like that. My friends, my parents, my siblings, even my boss wouldn't treat me like that. That is literally emotionally abusive behavior. I am trying to imagine a world where my DH would do this and it could only ever happen if he was an abusive individual who didn't love me.

This is crazy on so many levels OP. What a complete selfish douche.

I say get out now, while you can. My God, life is not worth putting up with that.