I was wondering how your wife has been taking it all. Sounds like she's been biting her tongue until now. I'd seriously distance myself from a family like yours. Your sister is completely out of line. If her ILs treated her the way she's been treating your wife I'm sure she'd have bitten some heads off. She's immature and toxic and I'd keep my wife and kid away from her as much as possible.

Op here. My wife says and I quote "Start handling your sister or I will. You think she's butthurt now? Wait til I start handling it"

Anonymous wrote:OP here. When I say my sister is well intentioned it's because she really does think she's sticking up for her loved ones.

Remind her she doesn't need to stick up for a grown man.

You need some direct language here, OP.
Tell your sister that she is being incredibly inappropriate by mentioning divorce, and creating bad blood between your wife and you.
Tell her you and your wife have been nothing but patient ALL THESE YEARS with her, but that her lack of boundaries is truly stupendous and you can't bear it anymore.
Tell her that you need to distance yourself from her because it's causing you too much stress. That you continue to love her, but that she has to change before you can allow her back into your life.

We were in the same situation. We somehow manage to spend a lot of time with family now without sharing anything personal. We literally will have an hour of facetime and it's all "DC is doing great -- yes, great. School is great, life is great, teachers are great." And we are great "Yes, work is great, life is great, boss is great." Obviously everything is NOT always great, but that's just as much as we can share now to make sure the judgement stops (in our class it was my mom, but we obviously still wanted to see my dad, so we just don't share details with my dad, either). It is weird, but I found that I don't need their advice anymore anyway -- at the time, it was an adjustment to basically stop sharing as much. Now, when my mom wants to "judge", there is literally no information for her to twist.

Stop being a pussy and sharing your family business with everyone. You make your own problems.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. When I say my sister is well intentioned it's because she really does think she's sticking up for her loved ones.

Is she married or have kids?

It doesn't really matter what she thinks. You're goal is not to change her mind, it's to get her to speak respectfully to you and your family. You need to shut down disrespectful communication by clearly expressing the boundary, and then leaving the conversation if the boundary is not respected.

Yes, she has a husband and a son. You're right. I've just got to find a way to do so without making it worse.

If her kid is older, they probably used baby powder. My husband has older kids and he insisted we use it. I simply made it disappear. Problem solved. He got the hint. Its an old school thing.

Why are you sharing so much of your personal life? You don't discuss your vasc. with your sister or parents!

OP here: it wasn't the vasectomy I was discussing but the doctor. Nephew is only 3 but sister used baby powder. I can't just throw something away that doesn't belong to me.

You need to care less when they get upset. You're being manipulated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. When I say my sister is well intentioned it's because she really does think she's sticking up for her loved ones.

Is she married or have kids?

It doesn't really matter what she thinks. You're goal is not to change her mind, it's to get her to speak respectfully to you and your family. You need to shut down disrespectful communication by clearly expressing the boundary, and then leaving the conversation if the boundary is not respected.

Yes, she has a husband and a son. You're right. I've just got to find a way to do so without making it worse.

If her kid is older, they probably used baby powder. My husband has older kids and he insisted we use it. I simply made it disappear. Problem solved. He got the hint. Its an old school thing.

Why are you sharing so much of your personal life? You don't discuss your vasc. with your sister or parents!

OP here: it wasn't the vasectomy I was discussing but the doctor. Nephew is only 3 but sister used baby powder. I can't just throw something away that doesn't belong to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. When I say my sister is well intentioned it's because she really does think she's sticking up for her loved ones.

Is she married or have kids?

It doesn't really matter what she thinks. You're goal is not to change her mind, it's to get her to speak respectfully to you and your family. You need to shut down disrespectful communication by clearly expressing the boundary, and then leaving the conversation if the boundary is not respected.

Yes, she has a husband and a son. You're right. I've just got to find a way to do so without making it worse.

If her kid is older, they probably used baby powder. My husband has older kids and he insisted we use it. I simply made it disappear. Problem solved. He got the hint. Its an old school thing.

Why are you sharing so much of your personal life? You don't discuss your vasc. with your sister or parents!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. When I say my sister is well intentioned it's because she really does think she's sticking up for her loved ones.

Is she married or have kids?

It doesn't really matter what she thinks. You're goal is not to change her mind, it's to get her to speak respectfully to you and your family. You need to shut down disrespectful communication by clearly expressing the boundary, and then leaving the conversation if the boundary is not respected.

Yes, she has a husband and a son. You're right. I've just got to find a way to do so without making it worse.

It will get worse before it gets better. You need to be okay with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. When I say my sister is well intentioned it's because she really does think she's sticking up for her loved ones.

Is she married or have kids?

It doesn't really matter what she thinks. You're goal is not to change her mind, it's to get her to speak respectfully to you and your family. You need to shut down disrespectful communication by clearly expressing the boundary, and then leaving the conversation if the boundary is not respected.

Yes, she has a husband and a son. You're right. I've just got to find a way to do so without making it worse.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. When I say my sister is well intentioned it's because she really does think she's sticking up for her loved ones.

Is she married or have kids?

It doesn't really matter what she thinks. You're goal is not to change her mind, it's to get her to speak respectfully to you and your family. You need to shut down disrespectful communication by clearly expressing the boundary, and then leaving the conversation if the boundary is not respected.

OP here. When I say my sister is well intentioned it's because she really does think she's sticking up for her loved ones.

Anonymous wrote:Boundaries go both ways OP. I get it. I was raised in a similar family. You need to set boundaries, too. Don't share.

+1. My family (well, mostly my parents) can be incredibly insular and protective. Each of us kids had to learn to be very, very careful with what we share about our spouses and our lives once we got married. It was tough because we all were always massive oversharers and in each others business but our marriages and our relationships with each other are so much better with some healthy boundaries put up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boundaries go both ways OP. I get it. I was raised in a similar family. You need to set boundaries, too. Don't share.

OP here. I seem to be the only one of them who believes spending every day with your parents when you're grown with a family of your own is unhealthy.

I didn't say that. At all. I said don't share. You don't discuss your sex life with your parents even if you see them daily, right? At least I hope not. So, add these other things to the list of "things we do not discuss." Doesn't mean stay away from them.