Your child's rights are important. If he didn't abuse the child, he is going to get shared custody. You can spend another $15K, but that isn't going to change. What do you have to gain from continuing a contentious court battle?

Get a divorce so he isn't entitled to half your earnings and assets from here out. If he's unemployed, then that's what could happen. He will never, ever follow through on his financial promises. Find a plan B that doesn't involve him.

I understand he was abusive, but I've seen this play out enough times to know how that affects divorce and custody cases. There was even a woman with 2 kids, who was married to an abusive narcissist that stole $60K from her. She didn't get that money back, and he got 50% custody. I even testified about abuse I witnessed.

Hi everyone the 15k got me only a 2 year protective order which he's appealing

A temporary custody order in place

A temporary child support/mortgage contributions (he's been unemployed for 2 yrs not paid or contributed 1 penny for 1.5 year)

1 week after he agreed to bring mortgage current, received foreclosure notice

He's been fired from every job the entire length of our marriage with a dual Masters Degree

If anyone has ever experienced the wrath and harrowing vengeance of a man suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder you could trully relate to my sheer utter hell on earth.

The pathological lies, the financial devastation, you name it he's done it to me and my child. I have learned throughout my ordeal attorneys are there to make $, Commonwealth of VA does not recognize or care about my child having witnessed her father physically and verbally abuse me. Thus my child is not covered on the protective order.

Dealing with a Narcissist with the Legal System is the most harrowing experience, not to mention he's former Law enforcement, attended Law School for 2 semesters. In hindsight no doubt he planned his strategy more than 2 years ago and trapped me in one of the most "parental rights" vs "child's rights" in the US

Please understand I'm not stupid and didn't ever take my marriage sacrament lightly thus I endured for over 15 years. He filed for divorce and has done anything and everything to delay, extend, and rack up attorney fees with anything and everything. I am his target, I genuinely am in constant fear of my safety and my child's. Narcissists use the child as a pawn. I have contacted organizations that support advocacy however there's little to nothing in terms of legal representation.

Thank you for those of you who genuinely care and tried to point me to resources, for those of you that continue to judge/respond with such harshness please consider looking at the Domestic Violence wheel and know that I'm literally dealing with such utter anxiety/distress as a result. I do not want to continue to be a victim and doing everything I can to get out of this mess and move forward.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you need done by an attorney? You really can do a lot of this on your own after being given legal advice. What did your attorney do for $15K?

Her husband is probably making it incredibly difficult- hiding assets, dropping debts, etc. There definitely are certain people for whom you will need to spend a lot of money to divorce. However, hiring a lawyer who didn't manage to get much one done for the $15k you gave him sucks, but doesn't entitle you to pro bono legal representation.

This is what I don't understand about divorce. You could spend $40K on attorneys fees for assets that aren't worth that much. Is it worth all of that stress? Why can't people just end the marriage and move forward?

Of course you and I see it that way but some people are just difficult and spiteful.

OP, MUST you be divorced right now? Can't you just leave and go live with someone or use whatever money you have left and get an apartment? Eventually he will want a divorce when he wants to move on and then he can sue you for one and pay for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you need done by an attorney? You really can do a lot of this on your own after being given legal advice. What did your attorney do for $15K?

Her husband is probably making it incredibly difficult- hiding assets, dropping debts, etc. There definitely are certain people for whom you will need to spend a lot of money to divorce. However, hiring a lawyer who didn't manage to get much one done for the $15k you gave him sucks, but doesn't entitle you to pro bono legal representation.

This is what I don't understand about divorce. You could spend $40K on attorneys fees for assets that aren't worth that much. Is it worth all of that stress? Why can't people just end the marriage and move forward?

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your comments, I'm literally on the verge of being destitute. I can assure you I'm in no way wealthy or being a freeloader. My husband has ruined my credit, I can't even apply for a secure credit card to borrow against. I had to beg, borrow and sell to come up with the 15k. My husband is having our home foreclosed and I'm not on the loan to even try to save it, he took my car. Believe me I'm on the verge of being destitute. Please don't judge my circumstances if you have never been married to someone like my husband and show some compassion, I'm already dealing with so much physical, psychological, financial and environmental abuse at my husbands hands. The last thing I need is to be judged or reprimanded. Thank you.

For all of you who have shared links, I have literally contacted every single on of those resources to no avail. Thank you

Do you have family that can help? You have spent 15K, although it is ridiculous that your divorce isn't final after all of that.

Anonymous wrote:What do you need done by an attorney? You really can do a lot of this on your own after being given legal advice. What did your attorney do for $15K?

Her husband is probably making it incredibly difficult- hiding assets, dropping debts, etc. There definitely are certain people for whom you will need to spend a lot of money to divorce. However, hiring a lawyer who didn't manage to get much one done for the $15k you gave him sucks, but doesn't entitle you to pro bono legal representation.

What do you need done by an attorney? You really can do a lot of this on your own after being given legal advice. What did your attorney do for $15K?

Anonymous wrote:


+1

PP that worked at legal services. You'd be amazed how many poor people remain separated but not divorced because they can't afford the process of divorce including representation and filing fees. It blows my mind that custody/child support are so easy to do pro se but divorce is not (even when there are no minor children involved).