Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
However, the truly mega wealthy people I know (like family money in the billions) don't act this way. They are as subtle as possible with their wealth and seem super comfortable with everyone. Their kids too. It is the show off wealthy that seem to either consciously or subconsciously form their own parental bubble (vacation together, in a supper club together, get Nats tickets together, chair nonprofits together, live near each other), things that usually require time and money, both valuable commodities some FA families don't have. They have the Range Rovers, the LV purse, the Hermes belt, go to Nantucket or the Cape, and somehow make sure you know that. Kids might pick up on that. Some kids before they start K have been hanging with the same group of kids for years because of it so they start off tight knit. But at school I don't think they self segregate based on SES or FA status because most people don't know who has FA.

Forbes says there are only 500 billionaires in the US out of a total population of 325 million people. I am impressed that you know many of those billionaires so well and can attest to their wonderful characters and modest living. None of them could possibly have drug addled children/grandchildren or promote racist conspiracy theories or like flashy ways to show off their wealth. They all possess old-fashioned, middle-class values and enjoy living like regular people - if not for the lack of employment, multiple big houses, and very large personal staff. I heard Warren Buffet loves Dairy Queen! The Donald is a regular junk food addict...This image couldn't possibly be a product of PR to protect their political and economic interests at all.

PP, I don't know WTH axe to grind you've got but I do know about 6 DMV families, and you wouldn't necessarily know they are that wealthy unless you've known them a long time, and they have some breeding, so surprise surprise I guess it's middle class values. I don't know. I don't spend a lot of time getting worked up about it. You on the other hand should do some yoga, you're so wound up you might burst into glitter.

I went to a big 3, came from a family with money, and had no idea who was on FA. I never heard kids talking about it. Social Status had little to do with income.

During the school day, everyone is friends of course.

On the weekends, it's easiest to just get together with whomever lives near your home (whether they go to your same school or not).

My kids are friends with the kids who live near our house (most of whom go to public, and others of whom go to various privates). Even though my kids have been in private school, I feel grateful that they know the kids in the neighborhood because it means that they can set up their own get-togethers (without me needing to drive anywhere). In private school, the kids live in a wide variety of zip codes and so it's just hard to get together on weekends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It depends what you mean by friends, OP.

In my elite school, I was one of the least wealthy students (there was no financial aid anyway, so I didn't realize this at first), everyone was friendly with everyone else. As an international school, absence of prejudice was especially important.

However, there was no mistaking that students who got together outside of school grouped themselves in some measure by SES. Some families belonged to the same exclusive social/dancing group, others rode horses together, others traveled extensively around the world during the summer. While everyone liked me at school, I didn't feel as if I made close friends there.

This.

This??
They are friendly and there's no bullying
But the differences between lifestyle and what others have and don't have do come up every so often. Country clubs, Nantucket houses, ski vacations. A lot of families travel together over breaks etc so it's easy to feel a little left out. But no one is mean about it. (We are at STA)

+1 our experience as well.

Anonymous wrote:
However, the truly mega wealthy people I know (like family money in the billions) don't act this way. They are as subtle as possible with their wealth and seem super comfortable with everyone. Their kids too. It is the show off wealthy that seem to either consciously or subconsciously form their own parental bubble (vacation together, in a supper club together, get Nats tickets together, chair nonprofits together, live near each other), things that usually require time and money, both valuable commodities some FA families don't have. They have the Range Rovers, the LV purse, the Hermes belt, go to Nantucket or the Cape, and somehow make sure you know that. Kids might pick up on that. Some kids before they start K have been hanging with the same group of kids for years because of it so they start off tight knit. But at school I don't think they self segregate based on SES or FA status because most people don't know who has FA.

Forbes says there are only 500 billionaires in the US out of a total population of 325 million people. I am impressed that you know many of those billionaires so well and can attest to their wonderful characters and modest living. None of them could possibly have drug addled children/grandchildren or promote racist conspiracy theories or like flashy ways to show off their wealth. They all possess old-fashioned, middle-class values and enjoy living like regular people - if not for the lack of employment, multiple big houses, and very large personal staff. I heard Warren Buffet loves Dairy Queen! The Donald is a regular junk food addict...This image couldn't possibly be a product of PR to protect their political and economic interests at all.

Anonymous wrote:The richest kids are best friends outside of school and their parents are friends with each other. Everyone is "friendly" at school but that's where it ends. Cliques almost always break by family SES.

This, and I don't think it's unique to private school, I see the same thing at our local public (we are in private but interact quite often with the neighborhood kids who go to the neighborhood schools). My neighbors have the same complaint.

However, the truly mega wealthy people I know (like family money in the billions) don't act this way. They are as subtle as possible with their wealth and seem super comfortable with everyone. Their kids too. It is the show off wealthy that seem to either consciously or subconsciously form their own parental bubble (vacation together, in a supper club together, get Nats tickets together, chair nonprofits together, live near each other), things that usually require time and money, both valuable commodities some FA families don't have. They have the Range Rovers, the LV purse, the Hermes belt, go to Nantucket or the Cape, and somehow make sure you know that. Kids might pick up on that. Some kids before they start K have been hanging with the same group of kids for years because of it so they start off tight knit. But at school I don't think they self segregate based on SES or FA status because most people don't know who has FA.

Anonymous wrote:At the local private schools, some amount of FA is received by about 1/4 of the entire student population (it's info on the schools' websites) -- so day to day, a kid's not going to know who in his or her class gets some amount of FA -- there are so many! So I'd agree with the posters who've said it doesn't matter much during the school day. After school, I agree that it has a lot more to do with a home's proximity to other classmates and what you like to do as after-school activities, weekend activities, and summer camps, etc. The best/closest friendships are formed outside of the classroom.

Regarding the importance of parent friendships -- if the kids are in lower or maybe middle school, then perhaps some kids' friendships are occasionally encouraged by their parents' friendships, but the older kids are (and definitely by high school) there's much less linkage between parent and child friendships.

Good to hear parents have less impact as they get older because some parents are so obnoxious and transparent about what they are doing. It is sad because they really prevent some friendships from forming. Wish schools would just flat out tell parents to butt out.

At the local private schools, some amount of FA is received by about 1/4 of the entire student population (it's info on the schools' websites) -- so day to day, a kid's not going to know who in his or her class gets some amount of FA -- there are so many! So I'd agree with the posters who've said it doesn't matter much during the school day. After school, I agree that it has a lot more to do with a home's proximity to other classmates and what you like to do as after-school activities, weekend activities, and summer camps, etc. The best/closest friendships are formed outside of the classroom.

Regarding the importance of parent friendships -- if the kids are in lower or maybe middle school, then perhaps some kids' friendships are occasionally encouraged by their parents' friendships, but the older kids are (and definitely by high school) there's much less linkage between parent and child friendships.

Anonymous wrote:From what I've seen at GDS: everyone is friendly with each other at school — but outside of school the really rich kids don't go out of their way to include non rich.

And vice versa.

Regardless of who's to "blame," I see very different groups outside school.

Anonymous wrote:I'd say its not about FA at all but it is directly related to what area of town you live in, if you belong to certain country clubs and if your parents are in the same social circles.

Yes this can be the case and worse in certain grades. We are wealthy and my kids have friends from all social economic groups. I will say that in my daughter's grade the financial aid parents segregate themselves with separate book club and only hang with each other even though I have extended several invitations. But yes while most are nice yes there is the country club crew (not all but a percentage) that only want their kids and themselves with a certain crowd. It can't be a coincidence that all of your "friends" are super wealthy. Some of that is strategic. I will say once again that there is hope especially as they get older and they push out parents' input.

It definitely splits by SES. 99% of life does the same.
Like previous posters have said, everyone (well mostly everyone) is exceedingly nice at school. Are we best friends with the very wealthy families? No. Do you they go camping with us? No. Do we go Skiing in Switzerland with them? No. Like attracts like when it comes to friendships beyond the casual "let's chat on the sidelines" level of friendship.

I'd say its not about FA at all but it is directly related to what area of town you live in, if you belong to certain country clubs and if your parents are in the same social circles.

The richest kids are best friends outside of school and their parents are friends with each other. Everyone is "friendly" at school but that's where it ends. Cliques almost always break by family SES.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From what I've seen at GDS: everyone is friendly with each other at school — but outside of school the really rich kids don't go out of their way to include non rich.

That is our experience at one of the top local Catholic girls schools. Everyone is very nice, but one of our DD's rich friends visited our home once years ago and that was that. She was apparently horrified (we don't live in a rat trap or anything, but it's a modest, basic home that needs a little work) and that was that - she seemed to distance herself from DD and went towards a more wealthy group.
I guess the mistake was having someone over to our house. You know, realizing what they have versus where we live.

DD has also gone on trips with other girls to their second homes. We have some people in our family who have a second home but they're shacks. These girls have palatial estates for second homes. It's awkward.

No tiny amount of financial aid changes that. I say tiny because the thousands that we are paying are a huge burden for us whereas their full tuition is nothing to them (we do know people who give many thousands to their big 3 school on top of multiple tuitions).

This sounds closer to reality.
No one is saying that the kids are being mean or intentionally excluding anyone.
It's just REALLY hard to connect when there are so many differences in lifestyle. A lot of adults can't do it, and past a certain innocent age, kids have a hard time too.

+1 We weren't on financial aid but outside of school, the kids that went to the same country clubs, second homes at the Beach, same vacation spots for Christmas and Spring break, did seem to be better friends with each other than those that didn't. Everyone was friendly inside school but outside, it seemed to split into more socio-economic circles.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know who receives financial aid (other than friends who've talked with me about getting aid). I haven't seen any exclusion based on SES, and my middle school kids have friends who with a wide range of SES. One thing that can lead to narrowing a bit, though, is what activities/camps the kids do over the summer. In the extreme, some kids go together to expensive sleep away camp while others need to go for whatever local options are least expensive and most convenient to their neighborhoods or parents' workplace. And to the extent my kids get together more with kids who live in our neighborhood, and they sometimes form tighter bonds by seeing each other more, that can lead to a bid of breaking people up by SES (our neighborhood is mostly wealthy).

Yeah, well, you know once you visit someone's home let me tell you. You know.