Mind your own business op.

There is a fear she will convince him to marry her and she will shut the family out. She desperately wants him to marry her.

^^I can somewhat relate. We have an elderly relative in a difficult situation who refuses to move in with his son's family despite what we think. He is a grown man whose wishes must be respected. Once he is ready to accept he's old and frail and needs someone to take care of him, we're there to help. Not before, no. It's insulting to him.

Anonymous wrote:But a grown up with health issues who has no idea the mess he is on and can't manage his diabetes? He got lost leaving his hotel room looking for the elevator. Called us because he was confused and couldn't figure out how to get downstairs and couldn't remember his room number to go back to the room. He needs assistance. The girlfriend at this point is whatever but really he should be spending his money on health care help and not on her children.

Would you really butt out if you saw a parents health declining like this? Or would you just sit back and watch them go down hill?

He's not your parent. Your spouse and you need to stop assuming FIL has a child's mind, then have an adult conversation with him. If he refuses help, yes, you should leave him alone. He is not at the stage where you bring up the big guns (the judicial declaration of incompetence).

He has refused a home health aid. Said he doesn't need it. His doctor highly reccomended it after his last bad infection and toe amputation and he said okay but then decided he didn't want anyone coming to his house and didn't need help. He gets angry when we talk about it and acts very irrational on a daily basis. We went to get coffee when he was visiting and they were reloading the Splenda when he went to get some and got so angry it wasn't out he cursed at the cashier and slammed his coffee in the trash then stormed out. He's extremely hot tempered now and irrational. Easily frustrated all the time.

Meds not mess

But a grown up with health issues who has no idea the mess he is on and can't manage his diabetes? He got lost leaving his hotel room looking for the elevator. Called us because he was confused and couldn't figure out how to get downstairs and couldn't remember his room number to go back to the room. He needs assistance. The girlfriend at this point is whatever but really he should be spending his money on health care help and not on her children.

Would you really butt out if you saw a parents health declining like this? Or would you just sit back and watch them go down hill?

Anonymous wrote:Not the case at all. We don't need the money and that isn't the priority. It's his health at this point.

He is a grown-up, and you should butt out.

Hire a home health aide?

Not the case at all. We don't need the money and that isn't the priority. It's his health at this point.

OP, just say you want to inherit from the man. We get it LOL

Will a state social worker come for a visit and do an assessment if we request one or is that a long shot?

Anonymous wrote:Companionship is good for a man's health, though. Men really flounder when alone.

I totally agree. My husband and I were the only ones out of all his siblings that would go out with them to dinner. We accepted her and really didn't have a major issue with her until the health decline and seeing how she impacts his health decisions. He was told not to drive for a period after a toe was amputated and she told him he could if he felt comfortable doing it. He also was to stay off of his foot for a period of time and she was dragging him around going shopping- the infection and amputation didn't end up healing well and he lost another toe shortly after. Just one of many examples of the way she influences his healthcare decisions.

Companionship is good for a man's health, though. Men really flounder when alone.

Op here... It was suggested by his doctor that we hire someone to come by daily to monitor his blood sugar and administer his medications as a start. He has the financial resources to do this but doesn't want it and says he doesn't need it. He never remembers to check his blood sugar and can't remember what medicines to take and when to take them. My BIL lives nearby but isn't too keen on helping him out and gets frustrated with my FIL. My FIL has an explosive temper when he gets disoriented and lashes out.

The girlfriend certainly doesn't contribute to him getting healthy. They go out to eat for every meal including multiple Starbucks throughout the day. She tells him not to go to appts unless he feels sick. I too felt the same way that if she is making him happy and keeping him company who cares but with the decline in his health, I can't help but think she is taking total advantage of him. She manipulates him into paying for school for her kids and all of their things. It's not just like he is paying for her and taking her out its the paying for everything and her kids that is very disturbing.