Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alert the media: Teenager smokes marijuana

Bigggggg difference between trying marijuana and smoking enough to harbor paraphernalia.

Bigggggg difference between smoking enough to harbor paraphernalia and an unused pipe.

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure it's not a sculpture?

Have a conversation about family rules related to drug use. Is it allowed with certain limitations? Is it flatly prohibited? Are drug tests now in his future? Etc.

take the pipe away - take anything else you find, tell your husband and discuss with son. It's that easy.

I agree you should remove it and communicate a zero tolerance policy for drugs and alcohol. It is however much more common than when I was in high school. (Most kids I knew drank but did not smoke pot. It is probably the reverse now, or at least both are very common.)

Are you sure it's not a sculpture?

Anonymous wrote:You are not snooping. It is your house.
Take the pipe, and directly confront him with it after school.
Say "What is this, and why do you have it?"
Don't give him time to make up a lie or clever response. He better answer directly.

Be the parent.

I disagree.

Don't ask what it is, you know what it is. Don't ask why do you have it, it is pretty obvious? Don't confront him. Just tell him you found it and then have a serious discussion about your concerns. Maybe he will be honest instead of defensive. You might learn a lot. Maybe he will too.

Yeah, you want to follow up on this! First you want to make sure weed is the only thing he's doing. Lots of kids can achieve highly and still make some pretty crappy choices that they can't take back. Some kids can hit a little weed and keep moving forward and some end up losers. You don't know which one you are until it is sorted. Going in the room in your house that you pay for is not snooping. Rummaging through his things is snooping - but not uncalled for depending on the situation. He does need to consider the consequences if he gets caught by someone other than you and the impact that may have on his future goals. Man up Mom

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely take the pipe and give it a day or two to see if he brings it up. If he brings it up you have the tough conversation. If he doesn't you present him with what you found and have the tough conversation. He'll likely tell you that it's someone else's or that it was given to him as a gift. Decide how you will handle that explanation.

OP here-
I believe in a more straight-forward approach. I will go home early today to try to see him before he goes out.

I really appreciate everyone's input. With my second child I expect this. But with this child - this is really a shock. And I really do wonder if it's a mistake or something. He is such an over achiever, fitness god, eye-contact communicator- i mean, he is always the one to ask "is everything ok?" if he sees I might be steaming about something...

I will write again tomorrow to let you all know what happens. thanks again DCUM

Again, YOU ARE THE MOM! You text him right now and tell him to go home straight from school and wait there until you get home! You shouldn't have to wait for a window to talk to your kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want to take it, take a picture with your phone.

OP here - this might work.

OP, it is YOUR HOUSE! YOU ARE THE PARENT! YOU ARE ALLOWED TO GO INTO YOUR CHILD'S ROOM AND CONFISCATE DRUG PARAPHANALIA!!!

Seriously, why wouldn't you take it? Why are you afraid of your son finding out that you are going into his room?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alert the media: Teenager smokes marijuana

Bigggggg difference between trying marijuana and smoking enough to harbor paraphernalia.

Yes, agreed. OP, did you ever use? There is a big difference between passive users, folks who smoke when offered at parties, and active users, who procure and bring to parties, etc. Big difference.

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely take the pipe and give it a day or two to see if he brings it up. If he brings it up you have the tough conversation. If he doesn't you present him with what you found and have the tough conversation. He'll likely tell you that it's someone else's or that it was given to him as a gift. Decide how you will handle that explanation.

OP here-
I believe in a more straight-forward approach. I will go home early today to try to see him before he goes out.

I really appreciate everyone's input. With my second child I expect this. But with this child - this is really a shock. And I really do wonder if it's a mistake or something. He is such an over achiever, fitness god, eye-contact communicator- i mean, he is always the one to ask "is everything ok?" if he sees I might be steaming about something...

I will write again tomorrow to let you all know what happens. thanks again DCUM

You are not snooping. It is your house.
Take the pipe, and directly confront him with it after school.
Say "What is this, and why do you have it?"
Don't give him time to make up a lie or clever response. He better answer directly.

Be the parent.

9 out of the 10 pot heads I knew in high school underachieved. In college it's a bit different because they obviously had the candle power and ambitious to get into an very selective college. And they're more mature to balance things. I will not let my kids smoke weed in high school. Period.

I would absolutely take the pipe and give it a day or two to see if he brings it up. If he brings it up you have the tough conversation. If he doesn't you present him with what you found and have the tough conversation. He'll likely tell you that it's someone else's or that it was given to him as a gift. Decide how you will handle that explanation.