Anonymous wrote:

ThatBetch wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ThatBetch wrote:I'm with the PP(s?) who said you sound jealous. She's been through a lot, she's worked hard to reclaim her body, and she's enjoying the results. Her life is all about her right now, and that's probably healthier than you seem to think. I'm sure you've been "obsessed" for a time with something important to you, or something that made you feel good, right? Maybe a bit myopic about Thing You Were Into? This sounds pretty human to me.

I think it's fair to call your friend out for scheduling a date with some new guy *while she was out with you*, because that's messed up. You're well within your rights to tell her that you'd prefer she be present with you when you're with her.

I think the rest of your judgments are inappropriate. You should keep that to yourself, and possibly spend some time considering what the roots of your frustrations really are (which is the proper application of that "self-awareness" bit you mentioned).

OP here. If being totally fixated on yourself and no one else is considered healthy, I don't want to be it. I find self-absorption one of the most off-putting traits there is. It has nothing to do with jealousy. I have always found this trait hideous in people. It is possible to be beautiful and not obsessed with your appearance and everyone after you. I have many gorgeous friends that are not totally self-absorbed. They may take time to look good but they have other interests and conversations beyond themselves. If taking constant selfies, looking at your reflection in every window/mirror you pass by, primping for hours, talking about yourself and all the men after you, texting men and sending selfies every couple minutes while you're out to eat with others, and not being able to engage in much conversation other than yourself is normal to you, than you may be a shallow person as well.

You seem really cranked up about a person whose behavior has nothing to do with you, and very little bearing on your life at all. Again, you may want to explore why that is.

I'm not cranked up. I was asking what others have done when they've found that an old friend's behavior has changed for the worse? Just getting advice. Not losing my mind over it. It does affect me because this friend calls me often talking about herself, all the men who love her, etc. When I do see her, there's very little to talk about anymore other her and her men. She's not very present when we are together because she always texting people. So I was wondering what others would do. Would they say something or back away, etc?

I had an overweight friend lose a lot of weight, get divorced, and become extremely vain. She looked fantastic and felt great. I was thrilled for her. So were many other people. But six years later, the talk about how hot she is, how many men she's sleeping with/want to sleep with her/tell her she's the most gorgeous woman they've ever met gets old. We're in our forties and we have many more things to talk about than hotness and men. But I said nothing, because she's the type who can (and has) bite your head off about anything. I've blocked her on Facebook because she posts about fifteen selfies per day, and I check in with her via email about once a year.

Anonymous wrote:You are not her best friend if you don't tell her.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 50 year old sister is like this. Talking about everything she eats, liposuction, her nose. I told her she changed and I don't like it.

I'm a lot like your sister. I talk about my faults because I feel guilty that I have faults. I let everyone around me including strangers know that I am working on my faults. For example I currently have a zit in my eyebrow, I have told countless people that I am sorry I have this awful zit here, I popped it and I have been putting something on it a few times a day. I tell people because I find my zit offensive, I don't want others even strangers to think I'm trying to offend them with my zit. I own my flaws and I work on them. Having someone see my flaws like my zit or that I'm 20 pounds over weight makes me feel awful. No one should have to look at or be around someone who isn't pleasing to them visually.

Seriously, get help.

ThatBetch wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ThatBetch wrote:I'm with the PP(s?) who said you sound jealous. She's been through a lot, she's worked hard to reclaim her body, and she's enjoying the results. Her life is all about her right now, and that's probably healthier than you seem to think. I'm sure you've been "obsessed" for a time with something important to you, or something that made you feel good, right? Maybe a bit myopic about Thing You Were Into? This sounds pretty human to me.

I think it's fair to call your friend out for scheduling a date with some new guy *while she was out with you*, because that's messed up. You're well within your rights to tell her that you'd prefer she be present with you when you're with her.

I think the rest of your judgments are inappropriate. You should keep that to yourself, and possibly spend some time considering what the roots of your frustrations really are (which is the proper application of that "self-awareness" bit you mentioned).

OP here. If being totally fixated on yourself and no one else is considered healthy, I don't want to be it. I find self-absorption one of the most off-putting traits there is. It has nothing to do with jealousy. I have always found this trait hideous in people. It is possible to be beautiful and not obsessed with your appearance and everyone after you. I have many gorgeous friends that are not totally self-absorbed. They may take time to look good but they have other interests and conversations beyond themselves. If taking constant selfies, looking at your reflection in every window/mirror you pass by, primping for hours, talking about yourself and all the men after you, texting men and sending selfies every couple minutes while you're out to eat with others, and not being able to engage in much conversation other than yourself is normal to you, than you may be a shallow person as well.

You seem really cranked up about a person whose behavior has nothing to do with you, and very little bearing on your life at all. Again, you may want to explore why that is.

I'm not cranked up. I was asking what others have done when they've found that an old friend's behavior has changed for the worse? Just getting advice. Not losing my mind over it. It does affect me because this friend calls me often talking about herself, all the men who love her, etc. When I do see her, there's very little to talk about anymore other her and her men. She's not very present when we are together because she always texting people. So I was wondering what others would do. Would they say something or back away, etc?

Anonymous wrote:

ThatBetch wrote:I'm with the PP(s?) who said you sound jealous. She's been through a lot, she's worked hard to reclaim her body, and she's enjoying the results. Her life is all about her right now, and that's probably healthier than you seem to think. I'm sure you've been "obsessed" for a time with something important to you, or something that made you feel good, right? Maybe a bit myopic about Thing You Were Into? This sounds pretty human to me.

I think it's fair to call your friend out for scheduling a date with some new guy *while she was out with you*, because that's messed up. You're well within your rights to tell her that you'd prefer she be present with you when you're with her.

I think the rest of your judgments are inappropriate. You should keep that to yourself, and possibly spend some time considering what the roots of your frustrations really are (which is the proper application of that "self-awareness" bit you mentioned).

OP here. If being totally fixated on yourself and no one else is considered healthy, I don't want to be it. I find self-absorption one of the most off-putting traits there is. It has nothing to do with jealousy. I have always found this trait hideous in people. It is possible to be beautiful and not obsessed with your appearance and everyone after you. I have many gorgeous friends that are not totally self-absorbed. They may take time to look good but they have other interests and conversations beyond themselves. If taking constant selfies, looking at your reflection in every window/mirror you pass by, primping for hours, talking about yourself and all the men after you, texting men and sending selfies every couple minutes while you're out to eat with others, and not being able to engage in much conversation other than yourself is normal to you, than you may be a shallow person as well.

You seem really cranked up about a person whose behavior has nothing to do with you, and very little bearing on your life at all. Again, you may want to explore why that is.

ThatBetch wrote:I'm with the PP(s?) who said you sound jealous. She's been through a lot, she's worked hard to reclaim her body, and she's enjoying the results. Her life is all about her right now, and that's probably healthier than you seem to think. I'm sure you've been "obsessed" for a time with something important to you, or something that made you feel good, right? Maybe a bit myopic about Thing You Were Into? This sounds pretty human to me.

I think it's fair to call your friend out for scheduling a date with some new guy *while she was out with you*, because that's messed up. You're well within your rights to tell her that you'd prefer she be present with you when you're with her.

I think the rest of your judgments are inappropriate. You should keep that to yourself, and possibly spend some time considering what the roots of your frustrations really are (which is the proper application of that "self-awareness" bit you mentioned).

OP here. If being totally fixated on yourself and no one else is considered healthy, I don't want to be it. I find self-absorption one of the most off-putting traits there is. It has nothing to do with jealousy. I have always found this trait hideous in people. It is possible to be beautiful and not obsessed with your appearance and everyone after you. I have many gorgeous friends that are not totally self-absorbed. They may take time to look good but they have other interests and conversations beyond themselves. If taking constant selfies, looking at your reflection in every window/mirror you pass by, primping for hours, talking about yourself and all the men after you, texting men and sending selfies every couple minutes while you're out to eat with others, and not being able to engage in much conversation other than yourself is normal to you, than you may be a shallow person as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 50 year old sister is like this. Talking about everything she eats, liposuction, her nose. I told her she changed and I don't like it.

I'm a lot like your sister. I talk about my faults because I feel guilty that I have faults. I let everyone around me including strangers know that I am working on my faults. For example I currently have a zit in my eyebrow, I have told countless people that I am sorry I have this awful zit here, I popped it and I have been putting something on it a few times a day. I tell people because I find my zit offensive, I don't want others even strangers to think I'm trying to offend them with my zit. I own my flaws and I work on them. Having someone see my flaws like my zit or that I'm 20 pounds over weight makes me feel awful. No one should have to look at or be around someone who isn't pleasing to them visually.

You need therapy. Seriously. This is not normal. No one wants to hear about your zit. You are making things much worse by talking about them. And you need some serious help with your self-esteem. Please get help.

Psst... Obvious troll is obvious.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 50 year old sister is like this. Talking about everything she eats, liposuction, her nose. I told her she changed and I don't like it.

I'm a lot like your sister. I talk about my faults because I feel guilty that I have faults. I let everyone around me including strangers know that I am working on my faults. For example I currently have a zit in my eyebrow, I have told countless people that I am sorry I have this awful zit here, I popped it and I have been putting something on it a few times a day. I tell people because I find my zit offensive, I don't want others even strangers to think I'm trying to offend them with my zit. I own my flaws and I work on them. Having someone see my flaws like my zit or that I'm 20 pounds over weight makes me feel awful. No one should have to look at or be around someone who isn't pleasing to them visually.

You need therapy. Seriously. This is not normal. No one wants to hear about your zit. You are making things much worse by talking about them. And you need some serious help with your self-esteem. Please get help.

Anonymous wrote:My 50 year old sister is like this. Talking about everything she eats, liposuction, her nose. I told her she changed and I don't like it.

I'm a lot like your sister. I talk about my faults because I feel guilty that I have faults. I let everyone around me including strangers know that I am working on my faults. For example I currently have a zit in my eyebrow, I have told countless people that I am sorry I have this awful zit here, I popped it and I have been putting something on it a few times a day. I tell people because I find my zit offensive, I don't want others even strangers to think I'm trying to offend them with my zit. I own my flaws and I work on them. Having someone see my flaws like my zit or that I'm 20 pounds over weight makes me feel awful. No one should have to look at or be around someone who isn't pleasing to them visually.

I'm with the PP(s?) who said you sound jealous. She's been through a lot, she's worked hard to reclaim her body, and she's enjoying the results. Her life is all about her right now, and that's probably healthier than you seem to think. I'm sure you've been "obsessed" for a time with something important to you, or something that made you feel good, right? Maybe a bit myopic about Thing You Were Into? This sounds pretty human to me.

I think it's fair to call your friend out for scheduling a date with some new guy *while she was out with you*, because that's messed up. You're well within your rights to tell her that you'd prefer she be present with you when you're with her.

I think the rest of your judgments are inappropriate. You should keep that to yourself, and possibly spend some time considering what the roots of your frustrations really are (which is the proper application of that "self-awareness" bit you mentioned).

Sounds to me like a very typical case of mid-life crisis.

She may be realizing that she only will get admiration from men for a few more years & that her days are numbered.
And add her recent divorce + that could explain her intense obsession w/her appearance.

I would limit contact w/her until she gets over herself.

Give her until a year after her divorce. Then if she hasn't changed back, dump her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds typical of people that are dating. What else is she supposed to do with herself? Methinks you might be jealous her focus is on herself and men, and not you?

No, not quite. I think when I go out of state to visit someone for only 2 days and they spend an entire meal with someone they don't even know on a date instead of spending time with me, it may be a tad rude. Why could this date not have waited till I left town? I think my friend may be addicted to men and the attention they give her.

Wah wah. She may have been rude but you are way overreacting.