I've posted when I needed to vent. I mostly think since you only hear one side of stories, that can make posts seem skewed. As far as my personal post, people who were supportive were great, because that's all I needed at the time, some gentle pats on the back. But there were a couple of mean spirited replies that shocked me at first. They still make me uncomfortable when people go out of their way to be mean to posters with serious problems. But I learned that's part of an online community, people get mean for sport. That helped me not to take too much seriously, but also try to be supportive if I have something to share.

Anonymous wrote:You have to take if I hear with a grain of salt. There's a lot of bitter, dried up old divorced women on this forum in most would rather see you just as miserable as they are

Nailed it

This board helped me when I really needed it. You have to take the good with the bad. Some people just try to incite.

I take a break every now and then. Usually I come to post the kind of advice that was so helpful to me.

You can mock all the cynicism and bitterness, but when something happens to you that rocks your world -- it's nice to know that others have been through the same thing.

I've been reading DCUM for maybe 4 years now. Mostly when I'm bored. I've posted a handful of topics/ questions, usually about a new relationship or long term boyfriend.
From what I've posted, I've gotten great advice, interesting perspectives, and definitely harsh criticisms/ judgements/ words. At first it was hard hearing the harsh/ direct opinions, but once I got used to DCUM I realized I just needed to weed through the replies -- but it WAS helpful to hear them, still.

Reading others issues, though.... It does make you a little jaded and sometimes insecure. I feel like I've learned SO much though. Mostly from hearing people's viewpoints on equality in the marriage, roles within the home, what marriage and partnership actually means, and the selflessness and humbling nature of actually being someone's partner. It's not always 50/50 and there's a lot of give and take. I've been told by my current boyfriend that I have a much better understanding and mature mindset on relationships than most people's he's met. I honestly think it's from reading the relationship section here - it's like a 'what not to do'.

I am one of this in a marriage with huge libido gap with my wife, so this can be helpful to see how common this is. And there have been thoughtful replies for strategies to deal with it.

But being here too much can cause too much focus on that failure in my marriage, and fixating on a problem and venting about it constantly can be detrimental. Moderation and all that.

Anonymous wrote:This forum has been helpful for me to come out denial of issues - the anonymous DCUM crowd helped me spot my DH's affair which I would not have figured out on my own.

Just out of my own selfish curiousity - is it a thread we'd remember?