Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait? Hearing about your DH's abuse is so difficult for you that you don't want to go to counseling with him? And, you never thought about working with a counselor to learn how to deal with your own emotional regulation issues that prevent you from supporting your spouse through such a difficult time? What a freakin drama queen you are. I can't imagine being with such an unsupportive person who can't stop thinking about themselves. Talk about self-centered.

I think that many people who have a traumatic background, particularly those of us who go on to become high functioning adults, seek out partners who avoid emotionally dark places. It can feel much safer as someone who has been abused to have a partner who keeps it light (or even shallow) and doesn't ask a lot of questions. I know that was the case with me and my now ex-spouse. It's not a healthy dynamic, but you can't put all the blame on the partner who is now asked to come up with all these emotional resources that she simply might not have.