Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 13:37     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
Anonymous wrote:Just ranting cause I am so mad. Have male friend with son that is dating girl that lives 4 hours away with a child. They met online and he goes back and forth every other weekend to visit her. 4 hours up and 4 hours back. He had a really bad week with his son being sick him having to have serious dental work done and having to give up vacation out west due to hospitalization. 10:30 at night I get call to come up an hour away to be with him and son at hospital ER while he is worked up. I have had to my eye appointments for him when he had some sort of goop falling out of his eyes and this is after spending a weekend with her(who by the way is trying to get into nursing school). She couldn't even figure out to get him to an Urgent Care while he was there. Now I am making follow up appointments for son. She doesn't work, she isn't in school...where is this cow? Why isn't she down here tending to a man she claims to love. Am I wrong but isn't that what you do for the people you love? You come and help them in a time of crisis? She comes down to visit only when things are just perfect, she strings him along by saying "I love you" and things like that but she doesn't show up when needed. I am starting to get pissed at him for being so gullible. She is walking up on 40, has a child , no career skills, and just now trying to get into nursing school and can't pass the damn math test to get in. He is willing to have her come and live in his home and get through school and support her and she can't show up during a week of crisis. Can't figure out to make appointments to follow up, nothing.

Am I crazy or is he being jerked around by this chick...I am now done ranting


OP, the guy needs to figure out that there are plenty of young, attractive women in this area who do not have kids. He sounds desperate and needy. He needs to pull the plug but you can't tell him that, he has to realize it himself. Possibly after incurring a whole lot of pain.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 13:31     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
Anonymous wrote:
You mentioned that she lives 4 hours away and has a child of her own. The "point of her" is that he loves her. Her not driving up to help him in the hospital is not unreasonable. I would actually consider it irresponsible for her to drive up in the middle of the night with her young child. You sound like you really just don't like her. Have you ever met her?


+1 You actually don't know her situation. She may have family nearby but they may not look kindly on her dropping off her kid for days to see her not quite fiancé in the hospital for something that isn't life or death when he has a support sytem nearby. You don't know her money situation to even afford this and it would be awkward to say, I can come, but you need to pay for my gas etc. As for career or lack thereof, her situation may be one that suits your friend. There are guys that need to be the knight in shining armor. Or maybe she will stay home with the kids and if and when the nursing career/school happens the hours will be flexible enough she can still do a lot of the afternoon stuff with the kids. There are split of things that I see like the DH that travels all the time or works insane hours and personally I can't imagine what kind of money he would need to make or what outsourcing I would need for it to be worth it to me. But other couples are not us, and they value different things and make different compromises and choices than I would make. And that's okay. As long as they feel it works for them, that is really all that matters.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 13:17     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
Anonymous wrote:Just ranting cause I am so mad. Have male friend with son that is dating girl that lives 4 hours away with a child. They met online and he goes back and forth every other weekend to visit her. 4 hours up and 4 hours back. He had a really bad week with his son being sick him having to have serious dental work done and having to give up vacation out west due to hospitalization. 10:30 at night I get call to come up an hour away to be with him and son at hospital ER while he is worked up. I have had to my eye appointments for him when he had some sort of goop falling out of his eyes and this is after spending a weekend with her(who by the way is trying to get into nursing school). She couldn't even figure out to get him to an Urgent Care while he was there. Now I am making follow up appointments for son. She doesn't work, she isn't in school...where is this cow? Why isn't she down here tending to a man she claims to love. Am I wrong but isn't that what you do for the people you love? You come and help them in a time of crisis? She comes down to visit only when things are just perfect, she strings him along by saying "I love you" and things like that but she doesn't show up when needed. I am starting to get pissed at him for being so gullible. She is walking up on 40, has a child , no career skills, and just now trying to get into nursing school and can't pass the damn math test to get in. He is willing to have her come and live in his home and get through school and support her and she can't show up during a week of crisis. Can't figure out to make appointments to follow up, nothing.

Am I crazy or is he being jerked around by this chick...I am now done ranting

Yep there are always men who be easily manipulated by women. A lot of women look for this type of man. It makes themselves feel better if you can walk all over some guy. It start early. Many women(for what ever reason - think all men are future rapest, other just have a negative opinion of men, etc) raise their sons to alway defer to women...even when it goes against their own interest.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 13:09     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I really don't understand why you are so invested in this relationship. It is not appropriate, and it would be inappropriate even if you were his sister.

You are expecting:

- she will drive 4 hours late at night to hand-hold him in the hospital
- she will leave her child to do this

Those are not reasonable expectations, particularly as, if you flip the situation around, your "friend" has a very involved "friend" who lives close by and can hand-hold in late night emergencies.

I think something else is going on here.


Sorry there is no sorted story behind this. I have know him for >5yrs and seen him go through some rough stuff concerning women and no he isn't exactly a brain surgeon when it comes to women. He has flown across country for her and spent money he didn't have to do this. He has done so much for her I don't think putting your child in good hands to go be with the man you are talking about getting engaged to is to much to ask. Him and his son could soon be her immediate family soon. Go see what you can do for them, how about some sacrifice on her part.


You don't know her, OP. It's not your business. It is completely inappropriate for you to micromanage his romantic life, regardless of his ability to manage his own. You admit you've never met this woman, so you have no idea what sacrifices she makes or what kind of commitment she actually wants from him. Your vehemence on this subject is inappropriate. Learn how to establish healthy boundaries.


You missed the part where I said I was venting and writing on DCUM is as much meddling as I am ever intending to do. It is completely so not my business. I am completely supportive to him about this relationship if this is what he wants then I am happy for him. I guess I am feeling like I see a friend walking over a cliff while he is looking the other way and there is no way for me to warn him "watch out for that cliff"


Nah, you're not completely supportive of him about this relationship. You think she's jerking him around and just described their relationship as "walking over a cliff." I don't think you're supportive at all.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 13:07     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I really don't understand why you are so invested in this relationship. It is not appropriate, and it would be inappropriate even if you were his sister.

You are expecting:

- she will drive 4 hours late at night to hand-hold him in the hospital
- she will leave her child to do this

Those are not reasonable expectations, particularly as, if you flip the situation around, your "friend" has a very involved "friend" who lives close by and can hand-hold in late night emergencies.

I think something else is going on here.


Sorry there is no sorted story behind this. I have know him for >5yrs and seen him go through some rough stuff concerning women and no he isn't exactly a brain surgeon when it comes to women. He has flown across country for her and spent money he didn't have to do this. He has done so much for her I don't think putting your child in good hands to go be with the man you are talking about getting engaged to is to much to ask. Him and his son could soon be her immediate family soon. Go see what you can do for them, how about some sacrifice on her part.


You don't know her, OP. It's not your business. It is completely inappropriate for you to micromanage his romantic life, regardless of his ability to manage his own. You admit you've never met this woman, so you have no idea what sacrifices she makes or what kind of commitment she actually wants from him. Your vehemence on this subject is inappropriate. Learn how to establish healthy boundaries.


You missed the part where I said I was venting and writing on DCUM is as much meddling as I am ever intending to do. It is completely so not my business. I am completely supportive to him about this relationship if this is what he wants then I am happy for him. I guess I am feeling like I see a friend walking over a cliff while he is looking the other way and there is no way for me to warn him "watch out for that cliff"
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 13:03     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I really don't understand why you are so invested in this relationship. It is not appropriate, and it would be inappropriate even if you were his sister.

You are expecting:

- she will drive 4 hours late at night to hand-hold him in the hospital
- she will leave her child to do this

Those are not reasonable expectations, particularly as, if you flip the situation around, your "friend" has a very involved "friend" who lives close by and can hand-hold in late night emergencies.

I think something else is going on here.


Sorry there is no sorted story behind this. I have know him for >5yrs and seen him go through some rough stuff concerning women and no he isn't exactly a brain surgeon when it comes to women. He has flown across country for her and spent money he didn't have to do this. He has done so much for her I don't think putting your child in good hands to go be with the man you are talking about getting engaged to is to much to ask. Him and his son could soon be her immediate family soon. Go see what you can do for them, how about some sacrifice on her part.


You don't know her, OP. It's not your business. It is completely inappropriate for you to micromanage his romantic life, regardless of his ability to manage his own. You admit you've never met this woman, so you have no idea what sacrifices she makes or what kind of commitment she actually wants from him. Your vehemence on this subject is inappropriate. Learn how to establish healthy boundaries.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 12:59     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
Anonymous wrote:OP, I really don't understand why you are so invested in this relationship. It is not appropriate, and it would be inappropriate even if you were his sister.

You are expecting:

- she will drive 4 hours late at night to hand-hold him in the hospital
- she will leave her child to do this

Those are not reasonable expectations, particularly as, if you flip the situation around, your "friend" has a very involved "friend" who lives close by and can hand-hold in late night emergencies.

I think something else is going on here.


Sorry there is no sorted story behind this. I have know him for >5yrs and seen him go through some rough stuff concerning women and no he isn't exactly a brain surgeon when it comes to women. He has flown across country for her and spent money he didn't have to do this. He has done so much for her I don't think putting your child in good hands to go be with the man you are talking about getting engaged to is to much to ask. Him and his son could soon be her immediate family soon. Go see what you can do for them, how about some sacrifice on her part.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 12:51     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, heading to emerg to be with him, making eye appointments, being so involved... Are you just upset that you're in the friend zone? Why aren't you two together?


+1. The only person in this scenerio who seems to be getting jerked around here is OP.


I want to see him married and happy but he makes the worst decision about women. He will be walking up on his 3rd marriage this time around. I want him to do it right and be the last marriage. I am not being jerked around if you look at me as a sister. I am doing what you would do for your little brother.


I am trying to imagine being pissed that I had to be with my nephew when he was ill in the hospital in the middle of the night, and thinking that my brothers girlfriend should be there instead. Can't do it. It still doesn't make sense.


I am not pissed about being there to help. I am more than happy to. I am pissed about afterward when the rest of the week started to implode with the dental surgery and the child still sick that she didn't show up. She is nearly a fiance and he has done so much for her. 4hrs driving doesn't see that much she could do for him.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 12:38     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, heading to emerg to be with him, making eye appointments, being so involved... Are you just upset that you're in the friend zone? Why aren't you two together?


+1. The only person in this scenerio who seems to be getting jerked around here is OP.


I want to see him married and happy but he makes the worst decision about women. He will be walking up on his 3rd marriage this time around. I want him to do it right and be the last marriage. I am not being jerked around if you look at me as a sister. I am doing what you would do for your little brother.


I am trying to imagine being pissed that I had to be with my nephew when he was ill in the hospital in the middle of the night, and thinking that my brothers girlfriend should be there instead. Can't do it. It still doesn't make sense.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 12:38     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
OP, I really don't understand why you are so invested in this relationship. It is not appropriate, and it would be inappropriate even if you were his sister.

You are expecting:

- she will drive 4 hours late at night to hand-hold him in the hospital
- she will leave her child to do this

Those are not reasonable expectations, particularly as, if you flip the situation around, your "friend" has a very involved "friend" who lives close by and can hand-hold in late night emergencies.

I think something else is going on here.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 12:34     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, heading to emerg to be with him, making eye appointments, being so involved... Are you just upset that you're in the friend zone? Why aren't you two together?


+1. The only person in this scenerio who seems to be getting jerked around here is OP.


I want to see him married and happy but he makes the worst decision about women. He will be walking up on his 3rd marriage this time around. I want him to do it right and be the last marriage. I am not being jerked around if you look at me as a sister. I am doing what you would do for your little brother.


It doesn't sound like your friend needs to get married again. It sounds like he needs to be a parent who can deal with his child being ill in the middle of the night without calling an older woman to come bail him out.


I agree with you. He should be able to handle this. His first wife died very young so hospitals kinda freak him out so I get him needing someone there. It just should have been the girlfriend. I don't mind helping but what is the point of her?


You mentioned that she lives 4 hours away and has a child of her own. The "point of her" is that he loves her. Her not driving up to help him in the hospital is not unreasonable. I would actually consider it irresponsible for her to drive up in the middle of the night with her young child. You sound like you really just don't like her. Have you ever met her?


Here is the thing. I haven't met her and have actually been pretty happy with the relationship except for things like this. He is thinking of purposing to her and they have discussed it so I think that maybe she would make him and his child a priority, not over her child, but at least a second priority. She has family that she lives with the could take her son, best friend really close. Lots of support system around her so that should could go and support him. Never assumed she would drag her child out in middle of night but she could have come on her own and chose not to.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 12:28     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, heading to emerg to be with him, making eye appointments, being so involved... Are you just upset that you're in the friend zone? Why aren't you two together?


+1. The only person in this scenerio who seems to be getting jerked around here is OP.


I want to see him married and happy but he makes the worst decision about women. He will be walking up on his 3rd marriage this time around. I want him to do it right and be the last marriage. I am not being jerked around if you look at me as a sister. I am doing what you would do for your little brother.


It doesn't sound like your friend needs to get married again. It sounds like he needs to be a parent who can deal with his child being ill in the middle of the night without calling an older woman to come bail him out.


I agree with you. He should be able to handle this. His first wife died very young so hospitals kinda freak him out so I get him needing someone there. It just should have been the girlfriend. I don't mind helping but what is the point of her?


You mentioned that she lives 4 hours away and has a child of her own. The "point of her" is that he loves her. Her not driving up to help him in the hospital is not unreasonable. I would actually consider it irresponsible for her to drive up in the middle of the night with her young child. You sound like you really just don't like her. Have you ever met her?
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 12:27     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is she hawt?


Yeah she is "hot" and I think that is some of the motivation behind him letting her jerk him around, but how long can that last?

Where is that thread about how OP (man) is married to a hot woman but she is a b1tch, and now he's thinking of divorcing her?
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 12:26     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, heading to emerg to be with him, making eye appointments, being so involved... Are you just upset that you're in the friend zone? Why aren't you two together?


+1. The only person in this scenerio who seems to be getting jerked around here is OP.


I want to see him married and happy but he makes the worst decision about women. He will be walking up on his 3rd marriage this time around. I want him to do it right and be the last marriage. I am not being jerked around if you look at me as a sister. I am doing what you would do for your little brother.


It doesn't sound like your friend needs to get married again. It sounds like he needs to be a parent who can deal with his child being ill in the middle of the night without calling an older woman to come bail him out.


I agree with you. He should be able to handle this. His first wife died very young so hospitals kinda freak him out so I get him needing someone there. It just should have been the girlfriend. I don't mind helping but what is the point of her?
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2016 12:20     Subject: Why do men allow themselves to be jerked around?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, heading to emerg to be with him, making eye appointments, being so involved... Are you just upset that you're in the friend zone? Why aren't you two together?


+1. The only person in this scenerio who seems to be getting jerked around here is OP.


I want to see him married and happy but he makes the worst decision about women. He will be walking up on his 3rd marriage this time around. I want him to do it right and be the last marriage. I am not being jerked around if you look at me as a sister. I am doing what you would do for your little brother.


It doesn't sound like your friend needs to get married again. It sounds like he needs to be a parent who can deal with his child being ill in the middle of the night without calling an older woman to come bail him out.