Anonymous
08/25/2016 16:30
Subject: My husband hates women..and everyone else
record him.
Anonymous
08/25/2016 16:29
Subject: My husband hates women..and everyone else
I would record him (safely) and play it for a divorce lawyer. He's using hate speech - that has to count for something in a custody hearing.
Anonymous
08/25/2016 16:27
Subject: My husband hates women..and everyone else
Anonymous wrote:He has had a medical evaluation. No issues. I have asked him to go to therapy, both individually and together. He refuses.
Did you go with him and tell the doctor what he is saying? Mini strokes can cause personality changes.
Anonymous
08/25/2016 16:25
Subject: My husband hates women..and everyone else
Maybe he has a brain tumor?
Anonymous
08/25/2016 16:24
Subject: My husband hates women..and everyone else
Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP, I could have written this, almost exactly. I've been married 4 years and we have a 3 year old. This has been going on around 2-3 years. There were no huge red flags when we were dating (4 years) except that he listened to Howard Stern and liked some comedians who I found offensive...which was for sure a yellow flag, but since I saw no signs of misogyny and racism, it wasn't a complete deal breaker. He was a Democrat, seemingly a decent person in terms of feminism and diversity.
Now...he's full-on Trump. Social media is partly to blame, I think...he immersed himself in the alt-right Twitterverse and I swear he has been brainwashed. Or abducted by aliens who stole his decency.
His only concession to the presence of our 3 year old is that he won't use the n-word in front of him. And I had to demand that...like, it wasn't obvious!
I can't say he goes around ranting in public, but he does rant in private and it is vile. He has a loathing for "social justice warriors"...basically, everything I stand for. He seriously says he feels oppressed as a white man in our society. It's sick. And it's weird...I thought Howard Stern was bad years ago, but now my DH thinks he's a pussy.. He's listening to these extreme right podcasts now instead.
I hear the Folks saying "divorce him" and I think I'd say the same to a stranger in the same circumstance. But I'm with OP in not wanting to leave my child alone with him. And honestly I'm sure I could not win more than 50/50 custody (he is a very involved dad and our child adores him). And honestly I don't have the courage of heart to contemplate giving up half of the days with my child. I just can't right now. But I hear what people are saying about creating a line in the sand and showing its not tolerable. Luckily, I do not fear speaking up when he says out of line shit. But it still feels unreal to me. Like he has a brain tumor or something. This is not the man I married.
He changed so drastically, so quickly that I have some small hope that somehow he can come back to sanity and decency.
This is totally what scares me about marriage sometimes. You hope you grow together instead of apart and you also hope they don't out of the blue become a raging asshole.
Anonymous
08/25/2016 15:54
Subject: Re:My husband hates women..and everyone else
Last night he told me out of the blue that this country started going downhill when it became illegal to beat your wife and kids. What do I even say in response to that?
nothing, you start planning to leave. protect your child. any hints he could be violent?
Anonymous
08/25/2016 15:54
Subject: My husband hates women..and everyone else
Wow, OP, I could have written this, almost exactly. I've been married 4 years and we have a 3 year old. This has been going on around 2-3 years. There were no huge red flags when we were dating (4 years) except that he listened to Howard Stern and liked some comedians who I found offensive...which was for sure a yellow flag, but since I saw no signs of misogyny and racism, it wasn't a complete deal breaker. He was a Democrat, seemingly a decent person in terms of feminism and diversity.
Now...he's full-on Trump. Social media is partly to blame, I think...he immersed himself in the alt-right Twitterverse and I swear he has been brainwashed. Or abducted by aliens who stole his decency.
His only concession to the presence of our 3 year old is that he won't use the n-word in front of him. And I had to demand that...like, it wasn't obvious!
I can't say he goes around ranting in public, but he does rant in private and it is vile. He has a loathing for "social justice warriors"...basically, everything I stand for. He seriously says he feels oppressed as a white man in our society. It's sick. And it's weird...I thought Howard Stern was bad years ago, but now my DH thinks he's a pussy.. He's listening to these extreme right podcasts now instead.
I hear the Folks saying "divorce him" and I think I'd say the same to a stranger in the same circumstance. But I'm with OP in not wanting to leave my child alone with him. And honestly I'm sure I could not win more than 50/50 custody (he is a very involved dad and our child adores him). And honestly I don't have the courage of heart to contemplate giving up half of the days with my child. I just can't right now. But I hear what people are saying about creating a line in the sand and showing its not tolerable. Luckily, I do not fear speaking up when he says out of line shit. But it still feels unreal to me. Like he has a brain tumor or something. This is not the man I married.
He changed so drastically, so quickly that I have some small hope that somehow he can come back to sanity and decency.
Now...he's full-on Trump. Social media is partly to blame, I think...he immersed himself in the alt-right Twitterverse and I swear he has been brainwashed. Or abducted by aliens who stole his decency.
His only concession to the presence of our 3 year old is that he won't use the n-word in front of him. And I had to demand that...like, it wasn't obvious!
I can't say he goes around ranting in public, but he does rant in private and it is vile. He has a loathing for "social justice warriors"...basically, everything I stand for. He seriously says he feels oppressed as a white man in our society. It's sick. And it's weird...I thought Howard Stern was bad years ago, but now my DH thinks he's a pussy.. He's listening to these extreme right podcasts now instead.
I hear the Folks saying "divorce him" and I think I'd say the same to a stranger in the same circumstance. But I'm with OP in not wanting to leave my child alone with him. And honestly I'm sure I could not win more than 50/50 custody (he is a very involved dad and our child adores him). And honestly I don't have the courage of heart to contemplate giving up half of the days with my child. I just can't right now. But I hear what people are saying about creating a line in the sand and showing its not tolerable. Luckily, I do not fear speaking up when he says out of line shit. But it still feels unreal to me. Like he has a brain tumor or something. This is not the man I married.
He changed so drastically, so quickly that I have some small hope that somehow he can come back to sanity and decency.
Anonymous
08/25/2016 15:44
Subject: My husband hates women..and everyone else
He has had a medical evaluation. No issues. I have asked him to go to therapy, both individually and together. He refuses.
Anonymous
08/25/2016 15:42
Subject: My husband hates women..and everyone else
Anonymous wrote:He is an accountant.
I am not sure I could get primary custody. From what I hear, courts usually award 50/50.
You should talk to a lawyer. If you can show just cause, you might be awarded primary custody. A lawyer will tell you... document everything!
Have you asked him to see a therapist for his anger issues?
Anonymous
08/25/2016 15:40
Subject: My husband hates women..and everyone else
Anonymous wrote:He is an accountant.
I am not sure I could get primary custody. From what I hear, courts usually award 50/50.
If you can (safely) document him in action, you should be able to get primary custody.
Anonymous
08/25/2016 15:37
Subject: My husband hates women..and everyone else
Has he had a medical evaluation?
Anonymous
08/25/2016 15:32
Subject: My husband hates women..and everyone else
Anonymous wrote:He's a Trump supporter, right?
How did you guess?
Anonymous
08/25/2016 15:31
Subject: My husband hates women..and everyone else
He's a Trump supporter, right?
Anonymous
08/25/2016 15:29
Subject: My husband hates women..and everyone else
Anonymous wrote:And what about our child? This behavior isn't going to stop when I'm not there. In fact, he will be so angry, it will most likely get worse.
You are right that it won't stop and may get worse, but if you're divorced, you can then be a safe haven for your child. You and your home will be where they will know you won't behave like that, where they can get understanding and support after something happens, and where they can ask questions if they don't understand something. As long as you are married to your husband, your child won't view you that way, in their eyes you'll be a single unit with your husband and your child will be afraid that anything they say to you will get back to dad. If you're divorced, your child will have much more confidence that they can trust you with their feelings about it.
Anonymous
08/25/2016 15:29
Subject: My husband hates women..and everyone else
Anonymous wrote:Child is 4. We only have one, because I was waiting for this issue to resolve before I got pregnant again.
He was always somewhat macho (liked violent movies, told dirty jokes, etc), but the hate is a newer behavior. It probably started two or three years ago, but we were in the thick of early parenthood, so I can't say exactly when.
You need to take your child and leave him. Since your child is 4 you can leave now without worrying about school. Can you go visit your parents, a friend, somewhere away for a bit?