I agree it's totally fine to set some ground rules. Just do so kindly, and be a fun and indulgent aunt in other areas. At this point, you might need to call them all together (including SIL) and say 'hey, I should have thought about this earlier, and apologize for not doing so, but I haven't really thought much about our standard house rules before since it's only been DH and I and we were generally on the same page already. For the rest of your visit, I'd really appreciate it if you (1) only ate food in the lichen and dining room, (2) respected the nice furniture and didn't roughhouse or jump on the couch or run in the dining room. If you want to run around and play, the den or the backyard are the best places for that."

After laying down the rules, you can redirect behaviors as you see them without feeling bad. Maybe casually apologized to SIL about not being used to kids, say you hope your rules are okay, and is there anything that would help them go over well with her kids (basically, be nice about it and don't make it seem like you are judging her parenting).

I think it's totally natural to be hesitant to correct other people's kids if you don't have your own, but most of us who've had them for awhile yet used to it. most kids are respectful of rules once they are laid out, especially if you don't just say 'no' but also give them an outlet for behavior that is okay. My rules for my kids, and visitors, is that food is only okay in the kitchen or dining room and if they are playing 'crazy' they need to take it to our playroom or outside.

Anonymous wrote:If you are such a curmudgeon that some jumping on furniture by kids is a criminal offense, and a few crumbs will ruin your life, I beg you never to become a mother. Aunts are supposed to be fun and loving, but clearly your genetic material missed that gene.

What?? This does not make her a curmudgeon. I'm a laid back parent in many many ways. We do let our little ones jump on our couch, but our couch is old and they absolutely know it's not at everyone else's house because I've said it to them every single time we go to grandmas or a play date. It's called parenting and setting expectations. When I stay with my bil and sil I'm always making sure that what my kids do are okay before they do it (i.e. Snack in the tv room). It's called being courteous and your sil clearly doesn't do that. Make some rules!

Anonymous wrote:If you are such a curmudgeon that some jumping on furniture by kids is a criminal offense, and a few crumbs will ruin your life, I beg you never to become a mother. Aunts are supposed to be fun and loving, but clearly your genetic material missed that gene.

The kids are 8 and 11. Way too old for that.

Anonymous wrote:Just open your damb mouth and tell Billy not to jump on the couch.

LIFE IS NOT HARD.

PP, I love you. Can you narrate conflicts IRL?

Anonymous wrote:If Mom won't put a stop to it, then you need to.
"Hey guys, NO food outside of the kitchen!" "Larla, in this house we sit on the couch, not jump, please sit down"
Don't let them walk all over you

Absolutely! You set the rules for your house and you are enforcing them. You are not there to make your SIL happy.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's not as easy as saying to the kids no eating on the couch. The mom prepares and gives them the snacks. Sure Larlo you can have the kiwi in your uncle's newly furnished living room. They are indulged by mom. My husband tried to be diplomatic by following the kids around and telling them NO; it was exhaustive. He finally had a word with his sister, who as i suspected is offended.

And? So she's offended. She can leave.

Set the rules and stick with them. Make it clear to the adults that you'd like their help in it too. Your house, your rules. Doesn't matter if they like it or not. I don't allow food outside the kitchen either. Jumping on furniture is absurd at that age. I have an 11 yr old, I can't imagine he'd even get the idea to jump on the couch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're allowed to set rules in your own house. Children are perfectly capable of understanding different rules for their house, someone else's house, school, church, a store, etc.

+1 If you do this, it will make for a better visit all around

This. Plus these are no small children and unless there are some special needs at play, you should firmly and consistently tell them the rules and enforce them.

Anonymous wrote:You're allowed to set rules in your own house. Children are perfectly capable of understanding different rules for their house, someone else's house, school, church, a store, etc.

+1 If you do this, it will make for a better visit all around

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's not as easy as saying to the kids no eating on the couch. The mom prepares and gives them the snacks. Sure Larlo you can have the kiwi in your uncle's newly furnished living room. They are indulged by mom. My husband tried to be diplomatic by following the kids around and telling them NO; it was exhaustive. He finally had a word with his sister, who as i suspected is offended.

It is that easy. You take the snacks and send them to the kitchen. If sister acts like a butt over it she's welcome to leave

OP here. It's not as easy as saying to the kids no eating on the couch. The mom prepares and gives them the snacks. Sure Larlo you can have the kiwi in your uncle's newly furnished living room. They are indulged by mom. My husband tried to be diplomatic by following the kids around and telling them NO; it was exhaustive. He finally had a word with his sister, who as i suspected is offended.

Anonymous wrote:Just be light and breezy and they should respond without drama.

I'm sorry Joey but those cookie have crumbs spilling out. Would you please keep food in the kitchen and dining room only?

I'm worried your going to bounce right off, Joey! Please just sit on the furniture and keep your feet on the floor, okay?

Sorry, but "light and breezy" is ridiculous when kids are destroying my house. Ball up lady

It is perfectly fine and Acceptable to set house rules. Kids easily understand different places have different rules. Just stick with them. It drives me nuts when I m at my parents house and tell my son not to do something and my mom says it is ok even when she thinks it is not. Do not give mixed messages. Set the rules and stick with them.