Anonymous wrote:I see a lot of this too and it does seem different than our grandparents' generation. I'm lucky that my mom is helpful, but my MIL has never babysat and can't be bothered. And I have friends going through this too. The parents are always saying how busy they are and that they can't babysit because they have plans. I think for our grandparents generation the grandkids were their plans... and they enjoyed family activities.

Anyway, I'm very sorry OP. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. Chin up!

Kinda agree as well. My mom is this way too. Could be why they ignored us & left us to our own devices when we were kids!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so aggravated at my mother. My husband is in the hospital from a car accident. We have two kids. Heaven forbid she change her freaking schedule and her perfect retirement routine. That would just be too anxiety provoking. She might even have to, gasp, drive 30 minutes here and back to help. So I'm lugging two young kids to the hospital, running out of food and cooking plain pasta. She can barely be bothered to text, "it's not serious, is it?"

She actually does care. But since she babysat last week for 8 hours she feels taken advantage of and doesn't want to come help. but also guilty now for not stepping up. She even said to me, "I don't want to come over because I have plans with my other granddaughter and she catches everything. I don't want to come to the hospital and risk getting sick." Lamest excuse ever. Just freaking tell me your too burned out from your little sitting job last week. I may not understand but at least you won't compound the situation by playing coy.

What is wrong with that generation? Seems like everyone I know who's over 60 has an attitude of "I did my work in life, I got my money, you're on your own". So selfish! I cannot imagine having a family member or friend in the hospital and not offering to help or bother calling.

Newsflash to you baby boomers, you might regret your attitude when you're old and alone.
Also, if you're not going to step up, at least call. don't text.

That is a valid reason. Older people should not visit hospitals unless they have to, because they are more susceptible to communicable disease. Her not wanting to spread anything to other kids is valid too. You're being selfish by expecting help. Solve your own problem.

Are you OP's mom? Did you miss the part where this is a freaking emergency? Sometimes, people need to lean on their family when there's an emergency and their family needs to get their heads out of their asses and help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is they're probably wondering where they went wrong, raising children who can't seem to cope with their own lives.

I do understand this is a special case, OP, and I'm very sorry to hear that your husband is in the hospital. But, I don't agree with the idea that grandparents should be responsible to help raise grandchildren like many people seem to. It's nice if it can happen, but shouldn't be an expectation. A retired parent has put in more than enough sacrifice time raising YOU TO 20/30/40.

There's definitely an element of selfishness in the baby boomer generation. My grandmother raised me when I was a kid so my momcould finish school. She supported my mom in so many ways, and honestly without her mom would have probably needs to drop out of college. I had a super close relationship with my grandmother which is something I'll always treasure.

Fast forward to my children: my mom could not even be bothered to spend one week helping after the birth of my child. To add insult to injury she minimizes all the work that goes into caring for a young child - because she never had to do it! Plus she always critiques my grandmother for not getting an education. In the months after the birth of my first baby i realized that the mother child bond this was never going to be an experience that we could share. Some people are too selfish - and sometimes that attitude is pervasive throughout an entire generation. My grandmother raised both of us but family values must have skipped a generation.

So what? If you want help, hire help. NO ONE owes you ANYTHING.

I'm sorry about your husband, and I hope he gets better soon, but I'm not sorry for *you*, OP, because anyone who makes such a stupid generalization doesn't deserve sympathy.

Buck up and stop whining.

Anonymous wrote:My parents are always willing to help but we've never asked for anything out of reason. My in laws do extraordinary things for their daughters family but for our kids they are very restrictive and controlled.

Yup, they help out their daughters but the sons are shit out of luck.

Anonymous wrote:My guess is they're probably wondering where they went wrong, raising children who can't seem to cope with their own lives.

I do understand this is a special case, OP, and I'm very sorry to hear that your husband is in the hospital. But, I don't agree with the idea that grandparents should be responsible to help raise grandchildren like many people seem to. It's nice if it can happen, but shouldn't be an expectation. A retired parent has put in more than enough sacrifice time raising YOU TO 20/30/40.

There's definitely an element of selfishness in the baby boomer generation. My grandmother raised me when I was a kid so my momcould finish school. She supported my mom in so many ways, and honestly without her mom would have probably needs to drop out of college. I had a super close relationship with my grandmother which is something I'll always treasure.

Fast forward to my children: my mom could not even be bothered to spend one week helping after the birth of my child. To add insult to injury she minimizes all the work that goes into caring for a young child - because she never had to do it! Plus she always critiques my grandmother for not getting an education. In the months after the birth of my first baby i realized that the mother child bond this was never going to be an experience that we could share. Some people are too selfish - and sometimes that attitude is pervasive throughout an entire generation. My grandmother raised both of us but family values must have skipped a generation.

My parents are always willing to help but we've never asked for anything out of reason. My in laws do extraordinary things for their daughters family but for our kids they are very restrictive and controlled.

Neither my mom nor my ILs have ever watched my kids for 8 hours. Unless that's the day or the accident and you were at the hospital, then you were taking advantage.

Forget your mom. Ask friends and neighbor's for help. I'd happily watch at neighbor's kids in this situation. I'm always at the store, and would also pick up whatever you wanted if you sent me a list. Please ask for help. Your mom isn't going to change.

In my experience there are all kinds of boomers and all kinds of millennials.

Anonymous wrote:Boomers are terrible, there should be a celebration when each one dies off

I am happy you are not one of my children. This is a cruel and hateful thing to say.

Well, OP, I am a boomer and I would be there in a heartbeat to help out with kids, spouse, whatever. It is who I am.
My philosophy is that now I am retired, I have the time to do the important things - volunteering (which I do a lot), helping neighbors, helping my kids - whatever is needed.
I live in a community that is predominantly retired folks, and they are the same way. It is hard for me to keep up with a lot of them in terms of volunteering. And, they are constantly traveling to be with kids/grandkids to help out.
So, it is not all baby boomers.
Oh, and I live outside the DC area - far outside. Maybe it’s that geographic area more than anything else?

And, as for millennials..... my experience with millennials, at the least the ones I know (and I have two millennial kids) - I am very, very impressed with their work ethic, their sense of self, their ambition, and their career focus. I have nothing bad to say about them.

I am sad that our nation is leaving future generations with such incredible debt. That is totally not fair.
I wish our elected officials would do more about lowering our debt for you all.

Sorry your mother is not there for you at this time. But, please, don’t demonize all boomers for your mother’s short comings.
There are many of us who do care and take time to help others.

Anonymous wrote:I am so aggravated at my mother. My husband is in the hospital from a car accident. We have two kids. Heaven forbid she change her freaking schedule and her perfect retirement routine. That would just be too anxiety provoking. She might even have to, gasp, drive 30 minutes here and back to help. So I'm lugging two young kids to the hospital, running out of food and cooking plain pasta. She can barely be bothered to text, "it's not serious, is it?"

She actually does care. But since she babysat last week for 8 hours she feels taken advantage of and doesn't want to come help. but also guilty now for not stepping up. She even said to me, "I don't want to come over because I have plans with my other granddaughter and she catches everything. I don't want to come to the hospital and risk getting sick." Lamest excuse ever. Just freaking tell me your too burned out from your little sitting job last week. I may not understand but at least you won't compound the situation by playing coy.

What is wrong with that generation? Seems like everyone I know who's over 60 has an attitude of "I did my work in life, I got my money, you're on your own". So selfish! I cannot imagine having a family member or friend in the hospital and not offering to help or bother calling.

Newsflash to you baby boomers, you might regret your attitude when you're old and alone.
Also, if you're not going to step up, at least call. don't text.

That is a valid reason. Older people should not visit hospitals unless they have to, because they are more susceptible to communicable disease. Her not wanting to spread anything to other kids is valid too. You're being selfish by expecting help. Solve your own problem.

Op, you take a horrific personal problem and then focus - and have the energy - to pontificate on the issues of an entire generation? I don't get it.

Boomers and the millennials they spawned are absolutely insufferable. We Xers are surrounded.

Boomers are terrible, there should be a celebration when each one dies off