Anonymous wrote:I hate that Good Cop (pig-headed grandparents) / Bad Cop (parents) dynamic that can be set up by some grandparents on extended stays or vacations. Total manipulation and self-centeredness.
Good luck.

Last month when they stayed it was 24 days of BS:
3 yo, go ask your mom if you can play on the treadmill. Oooh, Mom said No, let's do it later!
3 yo, let's ask your mom if you can have some chocolate again! Ooh, mom said no it's one hour to dinner.
3 yo, here's a third piece of cake, hide over here and eat it but don't tell your mom, it can be our secret!
3 yo, if you eat your dinner you can have some cake later! Ok, if you eat half your dinner you can have half a piece of cake now!
3 yo, here is a platter of donuts, what you don't want your ham and eggs any longer, OK!

I hate that Good Cop (pig-headed grandparents) / Bad Cop (parents) dynamic that can be set up by some grandparents on extended stays or vacations. Total manipulation and self-centeredness.
Good luck.

If they won't cooperate at all, then stay at a hotel.

You don't want your child to be constantly tempted. You don't always want to be frustrated and angry.

^^lives far away, not loves

Anonymous wrote:There is no pleasing most grandparents. Now they want to feed the kid to death, tomorrow they will blame you for making the kid obese. Go everywhere and control everything, and let them hate you.

This is my dad to a T. Hates teens who are overweight and addicted to screens but gives my preschool kids sugary foods and unlimited screentime. Luckily he loves far away but if we ever moved closer I'd really have to set and maintain boundaries. Idk why he doesn't get that the behaviors he's encouraging now will lead to the things he's against in older children.

Just an observation here - I am familiar with the Italian 'food is love' culture, and it usually involves delicious homemade food, but OP says they go out for pizza and burgers, and eat lots of ice cream. These are 2 different things. I can totally get my head around letting DS indulge in a plateful of Nonna's manicotti or something (which is also an indulgence for Nonna, getting to watch her GS eat her food), but that doesn't mean if Nonna is treating to a restaurant it has to be Shake Shack. OP, if I were you I would insist - like, threaten not to come insist - that they make some modifications, especially when eating out. Homemade specialty cookies, fine, but why all the store-bought and restaurant junk?

You will have to work with both parties. Remind your child that you are all going to be trying really hard to eat well at Grandma and Grandpa's house so there will be no wrong when you say enough on the treats. Allow some ( A little extra compared to what you've been doing at home so he "gets" that this is a treat but not overboard) and then be firm when it's time to stop. Same with them - be firm when it's time to stop. If they don't cooperate, get up and put it away. Remind your mom that you understand her feelings that food is love and you are allowing some treats but cannot and will not allow DC to suffer because she is trying to love him. Tell her she can find another way!

Op- go, but make it clear to your son that he will have to abide by house rules for food similar to what others mention.

It will help if you and your DH (and other kids if your son has siblings) have the same rules. Immediate family rules so that your son isn't singled out-- you are all eating healthier.

If grandma is trying to slip him treats, he needs to ask you first.

Your son will need to learn self control and better habits- this is a good training ground.

If your family complains, this is about your son's health and instructions from his doctor.

I would say don't go. I have never been overweight, but I did struggle with bulimia as a teenager that was brought on in part because of my family's bizarre attitudes about food -- tons of high calorie meals from morning till night but omigod you're not eating that are you?!?!? Now that the grandchildren have arrived, the one who is overweight is suffering through the same thing.

So, if people won't behave rationally about food, I would refuse to deal with them at mealtime.

I think you have to do what you can when you can, but accept that this week will be one of no progress (and remove the feeling that it will be huge backslide). There is not much you can do without making it into a huge issue and that doesn't help a young kid develop healthy habits.

I would -
- up exercise as much as possible
- make good choices yourself and occasionally make the point that it's ok to indulge ever know and again, but not healthy to eat this way all the time
- privately tell your son that GP offer food with love, but now doctors and scientists think about food as fuel.
- Set limits where possible (when it won't cause a scene).
- Have same rules for everyone in your family - so if you're limiting something child is having, all kids are limited, you are limited, etc.

Etc. Just make the best of it.

Anonymous wrote:They're traditional Italians, they say they love their grandchildren by giving lots of food. They have good intentions but I need them to stop.

Can you explain to them that they are going to love their grandchild to DEATH if he eating habits don't change? Are you willing to walk away from the vacation if they can't abide by your wishes?

My parents are not obese, they maybe have been a little overweight at different points in their lives but not now. We have had other large relatives, an obese uncle who died of a massive heart attack in his 40s comes to mind. My mother remembers how many of her meatballs he could inhale, for them food is love.

Are your parents obese?

If you want to see your parents, you're going to have to deal. They're not going to change. Either be the bad guy all week and say no to things when grandma/grandpa have already said yes or go so far as to remove food from in front of him. Or let it go for a week, knowing you/he'll have to work that much harder when vacation is over. Personally I'd do a combo of both.

Traditional ethnic people are like this and they aren't going to change. In their view all of their other kids/grandkids were raised on this food and have turned out fine, so who is some dr. to say that lifestyle doesn't work. Not saying ALL ethnic folks are like this -- some view the doctor's word as the will of God -- but many ARE like your parents and getting them to change is nearly impossible.

Anonymous wrote:If they are not willing to make changes for the sake of your child's health then don't visit. It's not much different than if they refused to put sunscreen on your child at the beach or refused to let him brush his teeth while visiting.

You are asking for common sense, doctor recommended accommodations for his health that are easy to comply with, not a total upheaval of their lives.

I wouldn't visit if they insisted or stay at a hotel and control the food outings.
This will not be a vacation for you.