Anonymous
08/11/2016 09:39
Subject: Re:DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
Anonymous wrote:I don't think the problem is that he wants to cut back or even retire, but that he seems to be doing it on a whim.
(1) As others point out, there doesn't seem to have been any serious thought given to retirement $$ or any changing desires on his part for full-time/different work again. Quitting "just because" will likely make him virtually unemployable (absent some highly sought-after skill, excellent network, etc.)
(2) The reliance on your work seems selfish. It doesn't really seem fair for one spouse to unilaterally decide to retire very early if that early retirement is basically being bankrolled by their spouse. If it is just that he thinks it might make sense for you to keep working - stability, health insurance, your professional development - but isn't in any way insisting on it, then that would be a different situation.
(3) This definitely doesn't make sense if you still have to cover the entirety of the cost of a kid's higher education.
My advice: compromise and agree for him to work (perhaps at reduced hours) until junior is through college - then pledge to support his full retirement or other choices) then.
Well, it depends on what they want to do in retirement (other than OP's desire to buy expensive stuff), but seems like they could make it work with him willing to work part time (which is what OP stated).
The pension plus his pt income can pay for basic living expenses. I think perhaps OP's DH thinks she should continue to work to pay for her own "expensive" stuff. Doesn't sound like he's interested in those things.
I think OP needs to look at this from his side, too, which I don't think she's really done objectively.
Anonymous
08/11/2016 09:39
Subject: Re:DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
Anonymous wrote:If he retires now there's a decent chance he'll never get a meaningful job again. At 55 hell get bored and frustrated soon but they won't take him back. He probably just needs some time off. Maybe he can get a sabbatical or something. He doesn't have a plan and if he is serious about this he needs a plan. It sounds like he hasn't thought things through financially.
+1
Anonymous
08/11/2016 09:33
Subject: Re:DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
I don't think the problem is that he wants to cut back or even retire, but that he seems to be doing it on a whim.
(1) As others point out, there doesn't seem to have been any serious thought given to retirement $$ or any changing desires on his part for full-time/different work again. Quitting "just because" will likely make him virtually unemployable (absent some highly sought-after skill, excellent network, etc.)
(2) The reliance on your work seems selfish. It doesn't really seem fair for one spouse to unilaterally decide to retire very early if that early retirement is basically being bankrolled by their spouse. If it is just that he thinks it might make sense for you to keep working - stability, health insurance, your professional development - but isn't in any way insisting on it, then that would be a different situation.
(3) This definitely doesn't make sense if you still have to cover the entirety of the cost of a kid's higher education.
My advice: compromise and agree for him to work (perhaps at reduced hours) until junior is through college - then pledge to support his full retirement or other choices) then.
(1) As others point out, there doesn't seem to have been any serious thought given to retirement $$ or any changing desires on his part for full-time/different work again. Quitting "just because" will likely make him virtually unemployable (absent some highly sought-after skill, excellent network, etc.)
(2) The reliance on your work seems selfish. It doesn't really seem fair for one spouse to unilaterally decide to retire very early if that early retirement is basically being bankrolled by their spouse. If it is just that he thinks it might make sense for you to keep working - stability, health insurance, your professional development - but isn't in any way insisting on it, then that would be a different situation.
(3) This definitely doesn't make sense if you still have to cover the entirety of the cost of a kid's higher education.
My advice: compromise and agree for him to work (perhaps at reduced hours) until junior is through college - then pledge to support his full retirement or other choices) then.
Anonymous
08/11/2016 09:32
Subject: DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
You sound terrible!
You want him to work till 65 so you can buy frivolous crap?
You want him to work till 65 so you can buy frivolous crap?
Anonymous
08/11/2016 09:29
Subject: DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
This is actually the plan that DH and I have. He works the crappy, stressful job to make money to support our family. I took a job I enjoyed the doesn't pay well and have taken time off to care for the babies. When our youngest is out of college (our mortgage will be paid off by that point), he will retire and maybe work part-time or something. I will keep working in my not incredibly stressful career until we're financially secure enough for me to retire.
Anonymous
08/11/2016 09:24
Subject: DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You are greedy OP. You want him to keep working so you can satisfy your desire for vulgar material goods. Shameful.
How is desire for luxury goods any worse than wanting to sit on one's ass all day long starting at age 55? Unless there is a serious health condition I despise people who want to retire to early. There was even a sponge Bob episode that made fun of this.
What?
My parents retired early (50 and 40) and have been traveling (in a frugal manner) ever since. They do not sit on their asses all day long, unlike when they were working. They're by no means rich but have planned their finances out very carefully.
traveling is not productive either. I despise people who make that the center of their lives, too.
I get the feeling you don't have many friends.
+1 I find people who don't travel very very boring.
Traveling, seeing the world, and learning about different cultures is about opening up your mind, learning new things, and appreciating the beauty of this world. I despise people who are too ignorant to realize this.
I think it's kind of sad when people only have their work to give them meaning in life. I guess to some, "you live to work". For others, "we work to live" and enjoy life. As they say, life's too short.
hahahaha
i held jobs and raised kids on different continents. so yeah i find traveling in order "to learn about different cultures" kinda hilarious. you are empty and ignorant.
? Why do you find learning about different cultures hilarious? Are you xenophobic? How is the love of travel empty and ignorant? You sound unhinged.. though I hardly ever use that word on here, I think it applies to you, especially considering you seem to like watching sponge bob. Even my kids don't like that show.
you obviously despise yourself. I feel sad for you and your kids. BTW, I am an immigrant, and so is my DH from a different country to me. We have kids, and we like to expose our kids to traveling, too. So yea, we love traveling, eating different ethnic foods and learning about different cultures.
Anonymous
08/11/2016 09:19
Subject: DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
PP, what's up your butt today?
I've also lived and worked on multiple continents, like you, but I still see a lot of value in travel. Why the nastiness?
-NP
I've also lived and worked on multiple continents, like you, but I still see a lot of value in travel. Why the nastiness?
-NP
Anonymous
08/11/2016 08:39
Subject: DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You are greedy OP. You want him to keep working so you can satisfy your desire for vulgar material goods. Shameful.
How is desire for luxury goods any worse than wanting to sit on one's ass all day long starting at age 55? Unless there is a serious health condition I despise people who want to retire to early. There was even a sponge Bob episode that made fun of this.
What?
My parents retired early (50 and 40) and have been traveling (in a frugal manner) ever since. They do not sit on their asses all day long, unlike when they were working. They're by no means rich but have planned their finances out very carefully.
traveling is not productive either. I despise people who make that the center of their lives, too.
I get the feeling you don't have many friends.
+1 I find people who don't travel very very boring.
Traveling, seeing the world, and learning about different cultures is about opening up your mind, learning new things, and appreciating the beauty of this world. I despise people who are too ignorant to realize this.
I think it's kind of sad when people only have their work to give them meaning in life. I guess to some, "you live to work". For others, "we work to live" and enjoy life. As they say, life's too short.
hahahaha
i held jobs and raised kids on different continents. so yeah i find traveling in order "to learn about different cultures" kinda hilarious. you are empty and ignorant.
Anonymous
08/11/2016 08:33
Subject: DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You are greedy OP. You want him to keep working so you can satisfy your desire for vulgar material goods. Shameful.
How is desire for luxury goods any worse than wanting to sit on one's ass all day long starting at age 55? Unless there is a serious health condition I despise people who want to retire to early. There was even a sponge Bob episode that made fun of this.
You "despise" peopel who want to retire early, but you watch Sponge Bob?
yes, i watched it with my kids. it's a pretty clever cartoon, actually. if you were a bit less of a conformist, you might start living a more interesting life.
Anonymous
08/11/2016 08:31
Subject: DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You are greedy OP. You want him to keep working so you can satisfy your desire for vulgar material goods. Shameful.
How is desire for luxury goods any worse than wanting to sit on one's ass all day long starting at age 55? Unless there is a serious health condition I despise people who want to retire to early. There was even a sponge Bob episode that made fun of this.
What?
My parents retired early (50 and 40) and have been traveling (in a frugal manner) ever since. They do not sit on their asses all day long, unlike when they were working. They're by no means rich but have planned their finances out very carefully.
traveling is not productive either. I despise people who make that the center of their lives, too.
I get the feeling you don't have many friends.
+1 I find people who don't travel very very boring.
Traveling, seeing the world, and learning about different cultures is about opening up your mind, learning new things, and appreciating the beauty of this world. I despise people who are too ignorant to realize this.
I think it's kind of sad when people only have their work to give them meaning in life. I guess to some, "you live to work". For others, "we work to live" and enjoy life. As they say, life's too short.
Anonymous
08/11/2016 08:27
Subject: Re:DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
OP, I understand how your DH feels. He just wants a breather. I'm a DW btw. I also took some time off myself. My DH was going through a rough time at work, and I told him to quit and take some time off (DH is 52). He took several months off and found another job and is much happier now. I don't want my DH to be miserable.
I agree with another PP - can he scale back work, maybe take unpaid leave for several months?
If your DH was the sole (or main) provider for decades, then don't you think he deserves some breathing room?
It sounds like you guys are financially pretty well off if you own that much property. Having expensive things is nice, but it shouldn't come at the expense of another's happiness. He just wants to relax. You, OTH, want material things. I guess I'm a bit biased though because I'm not that materialistic. Ask yourself what's more important in life.
I agree with another PP - can he scale back work, maybe take unpaid leave for several months?
If your DH was the sole (or main) provider for decades, then don't you think he deserves some breathing room?
It sounds like you guys are financially pretty well off if you own that much property. Having expensive things is nice, but it shouldn't come at the expense of another's happiness. He just wants to relax. You, OTH, want material things. I guess I'm a bit biased though because I'm not that materialistic. Ask yourself what's more important in life.
Anonymous
08/11/2016 08:18
Subject: DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
It sounds to me like you're resentful that he's at the point he can retire and you're not. I have a 10 year gap in my relationship as well and we've discussed it...I'm the older one and I can retire when I am eligible to, even if that means my spouse has to work while I don't. It's the privilege of age and having worked my whole life. Just like my spouse, your time will come, but your spouse's comes first! Too bad so sad!
Anonymous
08/11/2016 08:10
Subject: DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You are greedy OP. You want him to keep working so you can satisfy your desire for vulgar material goods. Shameful.
How is desire for luxury goods any worse than wanting to sit on one's ass all day long starting at age 55? Unless there is a serious health condition I despise people who want to retire to early. There was even a sponge Bob episode that made fun of this.
You "despise" peopel who want to retire early, but you watch Sponge Bob?
Anonymous
08/11/2016 08:08
Subject: DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You are greedy OP. You want him to keep working so you can satisfy your desire for vulgar material goods. Shameful.
How is desire for luxury goods any worse than wanting to sit on one's ass all day long starting at age 55? Unless there is a serious health condition I despise people who want to retire to early. There was even a sponge Bob episode that made fun of this.
What?
My parents retired early (50 and 40) and have been traveling (in a frugal manner) ever since. They do not sit on their asses all day long, unlike when they were working. They're by no means rich but have planned their finances out very carefully.
traveling is not productive either. I despise people who make that the center of their lives, too.
I get the feeling you don't have many friends.
Anonymous
08/11/2016 08:07
Subject: DH says he wants to quit his job....and just take time off
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You are greedy OP. You want him to keep working so you can satisfy your desire for vulgar material goods. Shameful.
How is desire for luxury goods any worse than wanting to sit on one's ass all day long starting at age 55? Unless there is a serious health condition I despise people who want to retire to early. There was even a sponge Bob episode that made fun of this.
What?
My parents retired early (50 and 40) and have been traveling (in a frugal manner) ever since. They do not sit on their asses all day long, unlike when they were working. They're by no means rich but have planned their finances out very carefully.
traveling is not productive either. I despise people who make that the center of their lives, too.