Anonymous
Post 08/12/2016 19:04     Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
Hey OP:

"Disappointment" is about you, and your daughter feels your disappointment, I'm sure.

What's really going on? Are you worried and concerned? Not really liking the kind of person she is? Judging where you shouldn't? I cna't tell.

You really think she's a loser? This can't be good for her. Find her strengths. Maybe she's kind. You are not.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2016 18:33     Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.

1. Have her evaluated to see if there are learning disabilities or ADHD, which might hamper her potential and interests.

2. Respect her desire to not have too much on her plate (typical of inattentive ADHD, BTW), but compromise by requiring at least one extra-curricular. Music, art, sport, there are so many wonderful things to choose from!
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2016 18:14     Subject: Re:Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
Nonetheless, my husband and I feel like a failure that our child is a loser. There I said it, we're still hopeful though...
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2016 18:30     Subject: Re:Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I'm not sure I see the value in continuing to force her to spend her tI'm doing things she doesn't want to be doing, that just become a struggle between us. I always promised myself I would not be the parent who cared more about my child's activities than my child herself did - i.e. that it'd be theirs to own. But where's the balance?


Obviously you shouldn't enroll her in an activity she affirmatively dislikes, but ask her to pick one that she thinks she would like and stay with it for a season/year. It's not that complicated. If it isn't for her, she can pick something else after that point. [/quote?]

Yeah, I can see that my post was poorly phrased. My point is more that she seems to hate everything. I've asked her what activity she might like to try and her answer is that they're all stupid and pointless. Not much to go on there. Argh, this age can be so frustrating sometimes!

It sounds like she is just trying to get a rise out of you. Either that, or she is depressed. Or maybe she is anxious about not being good at activities because she hasn't tried them before.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2016 18:11     Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
The point is that kids should learn that quitting isn't always a good option. If they have "I can always quit" in the back of their mind, they may not learn to persevere when they hit a wall.
I tell my DS from the outset that quitting won't be an option for at least some specified amount of time. I even blame it on finances- we're not paying the cost of lessons and equipment for him to quit immediately. It's
We don't have the disposable income to flit from activity to activity. That kind of message instills some realism that will help them later.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2016 15:21     Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
Anonymous wrote:My brother made it a rule, all his kids had to try out for a varsity sport in high school. Try out. Any sport. Two of four kids didn't make their desired sport. But they ended up on other teams, teams that didn't cut. I watched from the sidelines, with interest through the years. I think it turned out well and was a good parenting call.


To each their own, but I wouldn't "make" my kids try out for anything in high school. It's hard enough to make my elementary and middle school kids to anything. Some kids also hate the whole tryout thing and I've had to reconcile myself with being okay with that. Not everyone loves competition and they get enough of that in DCUM-land school academics anyway.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2016 15:14     Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
My brother made it a rule, all his kids had to try out for a varsity sport in high school. Try out. Any sport. Two of four kids didn't make their desired sport. But they ended up on other teams, teams that didn't cut. I watched from the sidelines, with interest through the years. I think it turned out well and was a good parenting call.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2016 13:40     Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
We ask the kids to pick one sport and one other activity. They've been testing out different sports and landed on two they really like. They've also ended up both liking an instrument. We have the same approach as other pps - they have to pick something but we don't care what they pick. Maybe she is shy and worried about trying something new? Is there a buddy she can start something with?
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2016 12:56     Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
What does your child do with her free time outside of school? When she comes home from school each day or on weekends, what does she spend time doing?
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2016 12:44     Subject: Re:Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
oh my gosh another crazy parent thread

Guess what your kid isn't you

Focus on your life and let your kids lead their own

DC is nuts
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2016 12:40     Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
If they clearly hate that activity and can articulate why then they can do something else. Otherwise they have to do something. Once a week instrument lesson is fine and there is practice daily or every other day with it.
If my kid said they were bored they get a bucket and cloth and told to wash the Windows, weed, sweep the yard etc. If they are a homebody they can still read or write a play or a story etc. only boring people are bored.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2016 12:34     Subject: Re:Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
Anonymous wrote:
For those who require their kids to pick an activity, what are your requirements for what counts as an acceptable choice? Girl scouts only meets once a month at our school, so would you require something weekly? More often?


Once a week is fine by me, my daughter does girl scouts and at her school that is 3 weeks out of the month and that is fine as well.


Even if the troop only meets once per month, the activities are usually more like 2-3x a month, in my experience, because a lot of the GS stuff is not during meeting time (e.g., camping, hikes, museum trips, things that the Service Unit or Council sponsors).
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2016 12:34     Subject: Re:Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I'm not sure I see the value in continuing to force her to spend her tI'm doing things she doesn't want to be doing, that just become a struggle between us. I always promised myself I would not be the parent who cared more about my child's activities than my child herself did - i.e. that it'd be theirs to own. But where's the balance?


Obviously you shouldn't enroll her in an activity she affirmatively dislikes, but ask her to pick one that she thinks she would like and stay with it for a season/year. It's not that complicated. If it isn't for her, she can pick something else after that point. [/quote?]

Yeah, I can see that my post was poorly phrased. My point is more that she seems to hate everything. I've asked her what activity she might like to try and her answer is that they're all stupid and pointless. Not much to go on there. Argh, this age can be so frustrating sometimes!


I agree this age is frustrating. Sometimes, however, I find that my 13 DS says he hates an activity that we signed him up for just to get a rise out of me. He knows we spend time and money on the activities and knows I'll take his bait if he complains about it. Sucks that he does that because I fall for it and we get into arguments.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2016 12:31     Subject: Re:Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
Anonymous wrote:
I'm not sure I see the value in continuing to force her to spend her tI'm doing things she doesn't want to be doing, that just become a struggle between us. I always promised myself I would not be the parent who cared more about my child's activities than my child herself did - i.e. that it'd be theirs to own. But where's the balance?


Obviously you shouldn't enroll her in an activity she affirmatively dislikes, but ask her to pick one that she thinks she would like and stay with it for a season/year. It's not that complicated. If it isn't for her, she can pick something else after that point. [/quote?]

Yeah, I can see that my post was poorly phrased. My point is more that she seems to hate everything. I've asked her what activity she might like to try and her answer is that they're all stupid and pointless. Not much to go on there. Argh, this age can be so frustrating sometimes!
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2016 12:08     Subject: Re:Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
I'm not sure I see the value in continuing to force her to spend her tI'm doing things she doesn't want to be doing, that just become a struggle between us. I always promised myself I would not be the parent who cared more about my child's activities than my child herself did - i.e. that it'd be theirs to own. But where's the balance?


Obviously you shouldn't enroll her in an activity she affirmatively dislikes, but ask her to pick one that she thinks she would like and stay with it for a season/year. It's not that complicated. If it isn't for her, she can pick something else after that point.