Anonymous wrote:OP, maybe you get get him into therapy to work on his issues? As long as he acknowledges his problems and is honestly working on them, it might be suggest that he is maturing.

NO! Do not even entertain this. OMG.

OP, maybe you get get him into therapy to work on his issues? As long as he acknowledges his problems and is honestly working on them, it might be suggest that he is maturing.

I think cheating would be a red flag for me, and unless I got some clear message this guy has changed (not likely here) I'd cut and run. That is, unless you can just have fun and not get your heart broken when he cheats on you (again, not likely here).

Dump the cheater before you get even more suckered into his evil web. Cheaters are almost always fun and exciting, but not relationship material... It will hurt a bit, but nothing like if you stay, fall harder and get cheated on (he may be doing it already). Just go full No Contact, it's the only way.

You're going to have to cut this guy off completely. You said he stays friends with his exes. That's about to be you.

il = bi

I hear ya. Had a hurtful divorce I had too initiate and after 1.5 years found a guy that was 75%, the 25% problems being his deep insecurity and hypersensitivity. It was a heady time for a while but breaking it off after just a year was nowhere near as wrenching as the divorce that still hurts like a sum ill itch. I'm also struggling with the fact that there may not be anyone else out there for me at my age. But even so, I don't regret the relationship nor the split with the 75% guy. If you know you've got to go, do it; sooner done, sooner healed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try not to let him knock you up before you dump him.

If he did, I would just take care of it. Neither of us wants another kid. My question was is there any way of dealing with the hurt of the break up? It's going to hurt like hell. So far, the answers have been, "No, break ups just suck," and "Focus on the bad and be glad you are getting out now instead of ten years from now." Any other tips?

Spend time on you. Do all that stuff you couldn't do with your ex. Travel. Take a class. Hang out with your girlfriends. Do this for a year. Then try dating again.

20% is pretty darn big. I'd leave.

I stayed with a cheater before I was married. It is really just a form of self harm/abuse. It will also make you insane.

Run. It is very easy to find fun guys that can't commit.

Anonymous wrote:Are you afraid to be alone? Maybe plan a trip somewhere special without him. Start going out and be less available.

In theory, no. My 20 year marriage was pretty awful, so it feels more like if I let him go I'll never have fun or be happy again because everybody else out there is probably like my ex. It isn't rational, I know. That's just how it feels.

I am taking a long trip with a girlfriend in September, and connecting with other friends, so maybe that will help.

Are you afraid to be alone? Maybe plan a trip somewhere special without him. Start going out and be less available.

Anonymous wrote:Inability to trust makes it a 0% if you ask me.

+1

But no, there's no way around the hurt, unfortunately. Except doesn't knowing that he doesn't love you diminish your feelings for him?
But still - you just have to feel the pain and get to the other side. Treat yourself with care, do things that nourish your body and soul, stay healthy.

Inability to trust makes it a 0% if you ask me.