Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want a baby? Does DH want a baby? Can you afford another baby? Do you want to still have kids at home when you're almost 60?

That's the kicker.

Yes, that is the kicker. She clearly very much does!!! Otherwise she wouldn't be feeling said about the oldest leaving and thinking of having another baby.

So go for it OP.

I have 4-ish years between each of my kids (3 total). I just wasn't ready to try for another baby until each turned 3. I guess a lot of people wouldn't like those age gaps, but we're very happy with our family. Our kids all get along and the middle one plays with both the younger and older. The oldest and youngest have a very sweet relationship. I like that I get to spread out the stages of parenting (and college costs) a bit, but my children aren't so spread out that they can't be playmates or enjoy some of the same things. it feels just right for us.

If you feel like you will regret not doing it, then I think you should go ahead and go for it. I wish you the best.

Anonymous wrote:I think if you want another child, you should do it. Age gaps really don't matter, and besides, 4 years is not that big. Most of my friends have 3-4 years between kids and they all get along and play together, but also have their own lives. I don't really get the obsession with super close age gaps. Anyway, I certainly wouldn't let that be the thing to stop you. As far as whether you really want another member of your family, only you can decide. Good luck!

This. A 4-year age gap is great. I don't understand your comment about what will happen when they're 8 and 4. They'll be siblings who hang out at home, vacation together, and grow up as part of the same family. During the day, they'll do their own thing - school, camp, daycare, whatever. This is normal and fine.

I think people are obsessed with the super close age gaps because a) people think they'll be best friends and entertain each other (sometime works out, sometimes doesn't) and b) people think it's going to be easier because you just sign them up for everything together, shuttle them around together...basically, you treat 2 humans like 1. So that has pros and cons.

Anonymous wrote:Do you want a baby? Does DH want a baby? Can you afford another baby? Do you want to still have kids at home when you're almost 60?

That's the kicker.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. You don't deal with your kids growing and leaving by constantly pumping out replacement babies. At a certain point, you're done and you focus on the family you have.

Ouch. I guess I needed to hear that.

I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. But I see this a lot; women realize their kids are now kids and the exciting phase of "building" the family is over and they wig out and start talking babies. It isn't always the best idea, especially if it's just to curb the sense of loss you'll feel at your oldest leaving. One day they'll all be gone. As parents, we have to accept that. Full busy houses of childhood are great. They aren't forever.

nothing is forever. by your logic one should never take more than 3 hour vacation because every vacation eventually ends.

Is the 16 year old, I would feel you were having another baby to replace me. Obviously, not the case, but for a 16 year old they may feel that way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this obsession with gaps to be honest. Do you want another child or not? If yes then do it and get over your imaginary perfect gap idea.

As you can tell by my original post and gaps between children, I'm normally not bothered my gaps, but in this instance some of my intention on having another one would be to have another sibling in the house for my toddler. I just wonder when they're say, 8 and 4 if it would have been pointless to have another anyway.

Have your baby now. I have a friend who will be married soon to someone who has a child and there is a 7 year gap and they are already having issues. 4yrs is nothing. Go for it before you get any older also.

Do you want a baby? Does DH want a baby? Can you afford another baby? Do you want to still have kids at home when you're almost 60?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. You don't deal with your kids growing and leaving by constantly pumping out replacement babies. At a certain point, you're done and you focus on the family you have.

Ouch. I guess I needed to hear that.

I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. But I see this a lot; women realize their kids are now kids and the exciting phase of "building" the family is over and they wig out and start talking babies. It isn't always the best idea, especially if it's just to curb the sense of loss you'll feel at your oldest leaving. One day they'll all be gone. As parents, we have to accept that. Full busy houses of childhood are great. They aren't forever.

They aren't forever but if it works for your family/finances/time etc., there's no reason not to extend it longer if you want to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. You don't deal with your kids growing and leaving by constantly pumping out replacement babies. At a certain point, you're done and you focus on the family you have.

Ouch. I guess I needed to hear that.

I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. But I see this a lot; women realize their kids are now kids and the exciting phase of "building" the family is over and they wig out and start talking babies. It isn't always the best idea, especially if it's just to curb the sense of loss you'll feel at your oldest leaving. One day they'll all be gone. As parents, we have to accept that. Full busy houses of childhood are great. They aren't forever.

That makes sense. I think for me, it's strange because I don't have the feeling of having all the children I want, because one of them is only with us a portion of the time, and I was so young when I had my oldest..I feel like I've only had the sensation of one where I was a truly formed adult. So even though I "have three" it's kind of a false number. I'm afraid I'm going to look back on this window several years down the road and really regret not doing it.

then do it! ignore the "this is not a good enough reason" crowd. few of us would be here if our ancestors were so thoughtful about having children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. You don't deal with your kids growing and leaving by constantly pumping out replacement babies. At a certain point, you're done and you focus on the family you have.

Ouch. I guess I needed to hear that.

I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. But I see this a lot; women realize their kids are now kids and the exciting phase of "building" the family is over and they wig out and start talking babies. It isn't always the best idea, especially if it's just to curb the sense of loss you'll feel at your oldest leaving. One day they'll all be gone. As parents, we have to accept that. Full busy houses of childhood are great. They aren't forever.

That makes sense. I think for me, it's strange because I don't have the feeling of having all the children I want, because one of them is only with us a portion of the time, and I was so young when I had my oldest..I feel like I've only had the sensation of one where I was a truly formed adult. So even though I "have three" it's kind of a false number. I'm afraid I'm going to look back on this window several years down the road and really regret not doing it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. You don't deal with your kids growing and leaving by constantly pumping out replacement babies. At a certain point, you're done and you focus on the family you have.

Ouch. I guess I needed to hear that.

I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. But I see this a lot; women realize their kids are now kids and the exciting phase of "building" the family is over and they wig out and start talking babies. It isn't always the best idea, especially if it's just to curb the sense of loss you'll feel at your oldest leaving. One day they'll all be gone. As parents, we have to accept that. Full busy houses of childhood are great. They aren't forever.

I think if you want another child, you should do it. Age gaps really don't matter, and besides, 4 years is not that big. Most of my friends have 3-4 years between kids and they all get along and play together, but also have their own lives. I don't really get the obsession with super close age gaps. Anyway, I certainly wouldn't let that be the thing to stop you. As far as whether you really want another member of your family, only you can decide. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Do you imagine a baby? Or do you imagine a fully functional kid adding to your whole family group? (Or both I guess).

If you imagine another little dude or gal grown and hanging out with your family, yes.

If you imagine the sweet little newborn, then no don't do it. Just offer to hold a friend's baby and take it all in. Then hand the baby back.

This is good food for thought. I imagine a baby, and I know in the future ideally I'd like another grown adult child in addition to the others. Thinking on the in between..yes, I guess I can fully imagine another.

Anonymous wrote:No. You don't deal with your kids growing and leaving by constantly pumping out replacement babies. At a certain point, you're done and you focus on the family you have.

Ouch. I guess I needed to hear that.