Anonymous wrote:Something really stood out to me from all of these posts... I'm a DC public school parent. Starting in 5th grade, my DD started taking public bus to and from school by herself and/or with friends and also using the bus or metro to get to or from extracurriculars. T(he 2 years preceding that, it was a slow on-ramp with allowing her to walk to friends' houses or the corner store, etc. by herself.) She's in 6th grade now. I'm presuming the requests to use the bus/metro to go "hang out" etc will start soon enough. But the truth is... I have a very high degree of trust/confidence in her ALONE, but put her with even one friend, let alone a group and I'm terrified.

In the last few years, in almost every conceivable context, I have watched her make all sorts of independent judgement calls on her own.... and then make the absolute worst decisions when she's with others. First, she's just so wildly distracted. For example, when by herself, she crosses the street very carefully. With a friend, she's talking and I've repeatedly seen her just absent-mindedly step into the middle of the street without looking. By herself on the street, she is alert and paying attention. By herself, she pays attention to the route; with friends, she misses her stop. She is also sadly very sensitive to peer pressure. If a kid she's with suggests something that she knows to be wrong, she will absolutely go along with it. From stupid stuff, to being rude, to more dangerous behavior. I've had tons of conversations about all of this. It has no effect. But at this point, her dad and I are both terrified about the prospect of allowing her and her friends to have independent alone time in the city when I wouldn't hesitate to let her be by myself. Looks like I'm the only one out there? Since every other PP said "sure, but so long as she's with other folks...."

Nah, my daughter is an idiot too. But you know what? Let her go with friends who are really responsible. I don't let my DD hang out with just ANY of her friends without me. Only the really responsible ones.

Something really stood out to me from all of these posts... I'm a DC public school parent. Starting in 5th grade, my DD started taking public bus to and from school by herself and/or with friends and also using the bus or metro to get to or from extracurriculars. T(he 2 years preceding that, it was a slow on-ramp with allowing her to walk to friends' houses or the corner store, etc. by herself.) She's in 6th grade now. I'm presuming the requests to use the bus/metro to go "hang out" etc will start soon enough. But the truth is... I have a very high degree of trust/confidence in her ALONE, but put her with even one friend, let alone a group and I'm terrified.

In the last few years, in almost every conceivable context, I have watched her make all sorts of independent judgement calls on her own.... and then make the absolute worst decisions when she's with others. First, she's just so wildly distracted. For example, when by herself, she crosses the street very carefully. With a friend, she's talking and I've repeatedly seen her just absent-mindedly step into the middle of the street without looking. By herself on the street, she is alert and paying attention. By herself, she pays attention to the route; with friends, she misses her stop. She is also sadly very sensitive to peer pressure. If a kid she's with suggests something that she knows to be wrong, she will absolutely go along with it. From stupid stuff, to being rude, to more dangerous behavior. I've had tons of conversations about all of this. It has no effect. But at this point, her dad and I are both terrified about the prospect of allowing her and her friends to have independent alone time in the city when I wouldn't hesitate to let her be by myself. Looks like I'm the only one out there? Since every other PP said "sure, but so long as she's with other folks...."

I'm PP from above (5:12). More recently, my brother started riding the metro and walking around DC, also in middle school, in the mid-aughts. His travels were broader than mine, as his dad lived in Alexandria and he ended up going to school in Friendship Heights/Bethesda. Mom still on Capitol Hill. He was also fine.

It's really arbitrary (IMO) to make it an age thing - 13 or 16, for example. Is your kid generally sensible? Bright enough? Aware? They're ready. They'll be fine.

I'm the OP, and first I just wanted to thank everyone for their input.

Sounds like this is just one of those issues where there's a wide variation in what different families are comfortable with.

She and her friends weren't proposing any specific plans at this time, more just floating the idea of the group of them going into DC on their own on weekends to do various things -- some examples were museums, checking out the mall, and going to weekend matinee events at the Kennedy Center. Obviously she would need to tell me details of her plans for a specific outing each time -- at 13 I would not be comfortable just giving her a curfew and blanket permission to go wherever on weekends or after school. But as long as her plan is sensible and she has a friend or two going along, I'm leaning towards allowing it.

- DD is quite familiar with DC because we lived in Arlington for a year before we moved to MD and we were in DC several times a week. We still end up in either the city itself or the close-in VA suburbs fairly frequently.
- Although she has never navigated the Metro alone, she has taken the MARC & AMTRAK trains alone several times (met by a family friend or relative on the other end, so not much independence really, but still) and everything went fine.
- She has had primary responsibility for navigating on public transportation during family outings for the majority of the past three years. We would step in if she had questions (at first, later we encouraged her to talk to the transit system employees for directions/issues) or if something went wrong, but we mostly just showed her a map and asked her how we would get where we needed to be. Consequently, she has some familiarity with the DC Metro, and the subway systems in London and New York. Never alone yet, but she rarely makes a mistake with routes and hasn't gotten flustered by typical small mishaps of travel in a long time.

My main concerns would be harassment and minor crimes such as theft, but I suspect being in a group would deter much of that. Getting lost is a potential concern, but they can look up directions before they leave home, and with their phones it would not be difficult to pull up a map or even GPS.

For now I have said that evening trips without an accompanying adult or trusted much older teen relative/friend are not an option, but that if several people wanted to go somewhere during the day I would consider allowing her to go, on a case-by-case basis depending on the specific details.

I think the only potentially scary part is the 13 yr old not being familiar with how to do the MARC to Metro transfer and not being familiar with the potentially sketchy characters that hang out in or near the Union Station metro. I'd perhaps do a dry run with him if you haven't already to make sure he's familiar with everything and knows not to talk to panhandlers and all that. He'll be fine after that if he's with a group and they know where they're going.

We need our kids to start taking metro to and from school in 7th grade, either on their own or with a friend, if possible. They have had mishaps - forget cellphone on train, took the wrong train, had to walk in the rain, gotten delayed on broken down trains - but nothing traumatic.

At 13, yes, but in a group and only during the day and at least the first few times after morning rush and home before evening rush. The rush hours tend to be very overwhelming and confusing for newbies, it seems.

The good thing is, once you become a pro at navigating Marc & the metro, you can pretty much navigate most other public transportation systems in the US and even abroad.

I let DD (16) take the Metro with friends during the summer to explore and now that she's older, I and her friend's parents allow them stay out a bit later. I still won't let her take the metro out of DC back to VA late at night after a concert. I've told her she can start doing that the summer before her Senior yr of HS.

It depends on the child, so please don't judge parents who think their kid is not ready.

I can't tell the future, but my 11 year old is definitely not ready now, unless he were riding a short distance to a destination he already knew well, and not during rush hour. Being in a group would really not help, unless his friends are responsible too. With practice, he might be ready 2 years from now.

I would feel more comfortable with my kid riding during rush hour. During the day, it can actually get a bit sketchier.

Where are they going? Union station and some places around it are fine. But I work in the area and there are nearby blocks I avoid. My kid went with a friend to the mall/museums at that age, which was fine with me.

You know your child. 13 seems too young for me. 15 is maybe. 16 yes.

At 15, I lived 40 miles north of philly, but for career day in the 9th grade, I took the reading line into Philly to sit in on what I wanted to do. It was fine.

With my DD, at 13, I would let her walk the 3/4ths of a mile to town (suburb), but my wife would not. Same with 14. At 16, she will be driving....

Anonymous wrote:OP, in your case it sounds like it would be a Marc Train plus a Metro ride. I would be somewhat hesitant about that. Especially right now with Safe Track and breakdowns. It's a little too much.

Why? Seems reasonable to be - if anything, signage is better.

I started walking around DC and riding the metro when I was in middle school (mid-nineties). My parents were divorced and I lived on Capitol Hill and U Street. Nothing bad ever happened to me.

OP, in your case it sounds like it would be a Marc Train plus a Metro ride. I would be somewhat hesitant about that. Especially right now with Safe Track and breakdowns. It's a little too much.

Anonymous wrote:I agree that it depends on the kid and his/her experience using the public transportation system. Tons of kids younger than 13 use public transportation as their main route to school every day.

This. When school was in session, I routinely rode the metro with a group of three siblings ages roughly between 5 and 10. They always got on and off at the same stop so they obviously knew what they were doing. Not saying I would let my 10yo supervise my 8 and 5yo on the metro, but people do it.