Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really alarming that you are dreading fall out from your husband from telling him about this.

That is not normal at all.


I think you should consider therapy because it seems you have a pattern of choosing unstable men.

+1.

Either your husband is a lunatic or you're leaving something out, like your history of cheating.

I think some people are reading way too much into this. I think you would all be lying if you flipped it around...would you be totally cool with an ex sending gifts to your current husband/partner? Sure, maybe you wouldn't have a big blowout or feel threatened, but if it would cause uncomfortable feelings, you are kidding yourselves. It does not mean there is one single thing wrong in your relationship. It simply is human nature that nobody wants their husband': ex sending them gifts. That's. It. Nothing. More. So it would be completely understandable that OP does not want her husband to feel anything uncomfortable for no reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on this thread are nuts. I have a great, stable, loving relationship with my fiancé and I also would pause when thinking about telling him. I'm not jealous of his ex but I certainly don't want her sending him flowers, even though I trust him completely and have never, ever suspected he would ever cheat. Geez people, OP doesn't need therapy because she doesn't want to upset or create unnecessary drama.

Anyway OP, I have an ex who occasionally will text me or send me a picture out of the blue. We have been broken up for years. I ignore every single text--zero response whatsoever--yet he still occasionally does this. So I can relate. Ignoring is the best way to go. I used to respond and he would always misconstrue things.

I wouldn't tell your husband if you don't want to. You're not hiding anything bad, I understand that you just don't want to create any drama. Treat it like a text. Get rid of them and forget it even happened.

There is a problem if telling him would create drama.

OP is dreading dealing with the fall out that's an issue. No healthy and emotionally stable adult would react in anyway to an ex sending unwanted flowers with jealousy or drama, or anything that resembles a fall out.

There is a problem when a person in a relationship avoids telling their partner things to prevent drama or fall out that points to emotional abuse.

Emotional abusers can be very nice and charming until their not. You get used to avoiding telling them things and walking on eggshells so it becomes normal to you and you soothe yourself with " He's so sweet every other time."

This kind of thing intensifies over time.

IF you think this is normal you should reconsider marrying your fiance and just like OP should, you should consider therapy.

You're out of your mind. Seriously delusional. Not wanting a weird conversation is not emotional abuse, FFS. Get a grip!

Anonymous wrote:People on this thread are nuts. I have a great, stable, loving relationship with my fiancé and I also would pause when thinking about telling him. I'm not jealous of his ex but I certainly don't want her sending him flowers, even though I trust him completely and have never, ever suspected he would ever cheat. Geez people, OP doesn't need therapy because she doesn't want to upset or create unnecessary drama.

Anyway OP, I have an ex who occasionally will text me or send me a picture out of the blue. We have been broken up for years. I ignore every single text--zero response whatsoever--yet he still occasionally does this. So I can relate. Ignoring is the best way to go. I used to respond and he would always misconstrue things.

I wouldn't tell your husband if you don't want to. You're not hiding anything bad, I understand that you just don't want to create any drama. Treat it like a text. Get rid of them and forget it even happened.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really alarming that you are dreading fall out from your husband from telling him about this.

That is not normal at all.


I think you should consider therapy because it seems you have a pattern of choosing unstable men.

+1.

Either your husband is a lunatic or you're leaving something out, like your history of cheating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on this thread are nuts. I have a great, stable, loving relationship with my fiancé and I also would pause when thinking about telling him. I'm not jealous of his ex but I certainly don't want her sending him flowers, even though I trust him completely and have never, ever suspected he would ever cheat. Geez people, OP doesn't need therapy because she doesn't want to upset or create unnecessary drama.

Anyway OP, I have an ex who occasionally will text me or send me a picture out of the blue. We have been broken up for years. I ignore every single text--zero response whatsoever--yet he still occasionally does this. So I can relate. Ignoring is the best way to go. I used to respond and he would always misconstrue things.

I wouldn't tell your husband if you don't want to. You're not hiding anything bad, I understand that you just don't want to create any drama. Treat it like a text. Get rid of them and forget it even happened.

There is a problem if telling him would create drama.

OP is dreading dealing with the fall out that's an issue. No healthy and emotionally stable adult would react in anyway to an ex sending unwanted flowers with jealousy or drama, or anything that resembles a fall out.

There is a problem when a person in a relationship avoids telling their partner things to prevent drama or fall out that points to emotional abuse.

Emotional abusers can be very nice and charming until their not. You get used to avoiding telling them things and walking on eggshells so it becomes normal to you and you soothe yourself with " He's so sweet every other time."

This kind of thing intensifies over time.

IF you think this is normal you should reconsider marrying your fiance and just like OP should, you should consider therapy.

Anonymous wrote:People on this thread are nuts. I have a great, stable, loving relationship with my fiancé and I also would pause when thinking about telling him. I'm not jealous of his ex but I certainly don't want her sending him flowers, even though I trust him completely and have never, ever suspected he would ever cheat. Geez people, OP doesn't need therapy because she doesn't want to upset or create unnecessary drama.

Anyway OP, I have an ex who occasionally will text me or send me a picture out of the blue. We have been broken up for years. I ignore every single text--zero response whatsoever--yet he still occasionally does this. So I can relate. Ignoring is the best way to go. I used to respond and he would always misconstrue things.

I wouldn't tell your husband if you don't want to. You're not hiding anything bad, I understand that you just don't want to create any drama. Treat it like a text. Get rid of them and forget it even happened.

Anonymous wrote:It was my birthday this week. I received flowers at work from an ex. I was surprised and embarrassed. I have not kept them in my office and gave them to my secretary.

A couple questions:

1. The ex emailed me asking if I received the flowers and saying he wanted to make me smile. This is unwanted attention and I want him to go away. Is it best just to ignore his email? Should I respond, say thanks, but explain I felt it was not appropriate and ask him not to do it again?

2. Do I have to tell my husband? He will get jealous and upset and I really don't want to tell him. I didn't do anything wrong here and don't want to deal with the fallout. On the other hand, what if he finds out through my secretary (not likely, but possible).

Anonymous wrote:It's really alarming that you are dreading fall out from your husband from telling him about this.

That is not normal at all.


I think you should consider therapy because it seems you have a pattern of choosing unstable men.