Pull up your big girl panties and be an adult. Not all husbands or wife's are good at dealing with this type of situation. Be thankful for what you do have.

I totally would be upset with him too OP, but some people just suck at dealing with sadness in others.

They feel awkward and do not know how to act or what to say.
They have much difficulty dealing with this changed dynamic.

Seems like your husband is one of them.

I'm not a mind reader. How the hell do I know if you want me to fix it or just listen? Jees...

Anonymous wrote:We're not here to tell you what you WANT to hear. PP's are just keeping it real with you on how you might appear to be treating your husband.

Seriously, pp? Clearly op is in pain and is dealing with something. Her husband's not helping her right now, however well-intentioned he might be. She doesn't need random DCUM posters piling on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is like this. Now I appreciate it. He still hugs and comforts me, but I've found trying to find a solution or looking for little things to help make me smile is more beneficial than the wallowing.

Agree there are very few situations in life where wallowing is truly helpful.

Np here. Grieving is a process. Being sad, feeling sad is a part of that process. Op needs time to experience that sadness to get through the grief process. That need shouldn't be dismissed or looked down on as some sort of "unnecessary wallowing".

We're not here to tell you what you WANT to hear. PP's are just keeping it real with you on how you might appear to be treating your husband.

Thanks for shitting on me when I'm already down last couple of PPs. I am appreciating my husband's efforts. That's why I came on here to vent. And I obviously tried to trust him with my true feelings last night but that didn't work. He's upset that I'm upset. Never claimed he was being malicious.

Like I said, I'm not planning to wallow forever. Taking a couple hours to cry and be sad after a major loss is not unreasonable in my opinion.

Anyway, thank you to the PPs who understood and shared helpful things. I have a wonderful husband and we'll be back to normal soon.

It is okay to be sad, but it doesn't give you license to be a dick to your husband. He's trying his best. Men, like others have said, are wired to try to fix things. Appreciate his efforts, even if it's not exactly what you need. He's trying to show he cares.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have used my words. He's just uncomfortable seeing me sad. I am usually the strong, calm one in the relationship. Mid-hug he'll come up with some "solution" or fun thing coming up in the future. He just wants me to snap back into happy and is upset that I am not.

I'll just swallow my emotion and be back to happy wife by the time he gets home tonight. I just wish for once he could be the strong one that I could cry on.

Well, OP, you could stop being a martyr and actually trust
Your husband with your true feelings. Of course he feels uncomfortable if you always play "happy wife". He'll never learn to deal with your feelings if you won't LET him.

Anonymous wrote:DH is like this. Now I appreciate it. He still hugs and comforts me, but I've found trying to find a solution or looking for little things to help make me smile is more beneficial than the wallowing.

Agree there are very few situations in life where wallowing is truly helpful.

It's not that he only wants you to be strong.

He hates seeing you hurt so he gives you solutions to make that hurt go away.

It's not what you need, but it's not malicious.

"I'm so glad you're here with me while I'm going through this tough experience. It means a lot to me that you care, and I know I have your support. What I would like is __________. Would you do that for me?"

Works like magic.

DH is like this. Now I appreciate it. He still hugs and comforts me, but I've found trying to find a solution or looking for little things to help make me smile is more beneficial than the wallowing.

Anonymous wrote:Order him the "Men are from Mars" book. Classic male/female dynamic. Be very specific about what you want "please hug me" and be appreciative when he does that.

Meant to add I'm sorry for your pain, op.

You have to tell him what you want.