Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 19:08     Subject: Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
Kind of. Too embarrassed to call it off. Separated within 2 years. Dicorced a year later.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 19:00     Subject: Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
The replies in this thread make the thread topics in this forum make sense.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 18:56     Subject: Re:Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
Anonymous wrote:No, but I've been a guest at the wedding of two separate couples who I was certain wouldn't work out.

First couple was mismatched in every way. However, they dated for so long, and already owned a house and all that jazz. There was a lot of inertia, including robust and highly integrated social lives that prevented them from breaking up. They were the couple that hosted every holiday party, and so on. They should have just bit the bullet and split, but it would have been a huge to-do. Breaking up is more complicated than it should be when you've been playing house for years. No kids. They didn't make it two years before they began the process of a nasty and needlessly dramatic divorce. Good grief.

Second couple is still married, but utterly miserable. They're sleeping in separate rooms and she seems to hate him. The guy was a rebound relationship for my friend. She got pregnant. He makes enough to let her stay at home with the baby, so it works...for now. I'd be shocked if they make it 5-10 years.


I should add that at least the wife of the second couple knows it won't work. I know that because she told me the night before her wedding.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 18:54     Subject: Re:Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
No, but I've been a guest at the wedding of two separate couples who I was certain wouldn't work out.

First couple was mismatched in every way. However, they dated for so long, and already owned a house and all that jazz. There was a lot of inertia, including robust and highly integrated social lives that prevented them from breaking up. They were the couple that hosted every holiday party, and so on. They should have just bit the bullet and split, but it would have been a huge to-do. Breaking up is more complicated than it should be when you've been playing house for years. No kids. They didn't make it two years before they began the process of a nasty and needlessly dramatic divorce. Good grief.

Second couple is still married, but utterly miserable. They're sleeping in separate rooms and she seems to hate him. The guy was a rebound relationship for my friend. She got pregnant. He makes enough to let her stay at home with the baby, so it works...for now. I'd be shocked if they make it 5-10 years.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 17:07     Subject: Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would you do this?

Marriage is hard enough .

Don't make it harder on yourself.


But you don't KNOW that starting out. I had no idea marriage would be difficult. Who comes to marriage thinking it will be difficult??


Anyone who's talked to anyone else who's married.

These answers really surprise me. Non-snarky question: are the people who thought marriage would be easy all men?


They must be. I've never met a single woman who thinks marriage is a walk in the park. Surprisingly, I know some women who would agree to marry again but even they admit it's very difficult. Just the compromising alone is tough. Either you got into the relationship so young you never developed individual preferences, or you're a doormat who lets your spouse get his or her way all the time if you think you don't compromise.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 16:37     Subject: Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would you do this?

Marriage is hard enough .

Don't make it harder on yourself.


But you don't KNOW that starting out. I had no idea marriage would be difficult. Who comes to marriage thinking it will be difficult??


Anyone who's talked to anyone else who's married.

These answers really surprise me. Non-snarky question: are the people who thought marriage would be easy all men?
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 16:34     Subject: Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
Anonymous wrote:I was ready to be married.


Famous last words. You got what you deserved.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 16:33     Subject: Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would you do this?

Marriage is hard enough .

Don't make it harder on yourself.


But you don't KNOW that starting out. I had no idea marriage would be difficult. Who comes to marriage thinking it will be difficult??


Perhaps your ideas of marriage shouldn't have come from Disney and Harlequin romances. Any married couple you ask will tell you marriage is hard and it takes work.


No. My idea of marriage came from my parents. And I didn't see the "hard work" they were doing. Nobody actually tells you what is "hard" about it nor what the actual "work" part of that hard work is. ... do they say you are going to start to hate your husband or wife or there is a 40% chance one of you will have an affair or you might have fertility issues and not be able to have children Or that one of you will lose your job in the downturn and you'll be on the edge of fiscal ruin and you'll lose your house? No. They don't. Nor do they say how that is going to affect you (because they don't know). We've had a LOT of issue that might break other couples but they made us closer. We've also had issues that might be no brainers for other couples, but they have made us struggle. And exactly what this "hard work" is I don't even still fucking know! What is the work I'm doing?????? I did NOT start marriage thinking it would be difficult. And it WASN'T. Until way way later. And I can't define the work I'm doing or what is so hard about it ... don't give me that crap that when you are 24 you understand marriage will be difficult. No. No. No. NO.


Getting married at 24 would automatically make marriage hard. You don't have a pot to piss in at that age.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 16:31     Subject: Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would you do this?

Marriage is hard enough .

Don't make it harder on yourself.


But you don't KNOW that starting out. I had no idea marriage would be difficult. Who comes to marriage thinking it will be difficult??


You had no idea marriage would be difficult? Did your parents appear to have a perfect relationship or something? I assumed marriage would be hard, so I waited to get married.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 16:30     Subject: Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would you do this?

Marriage is hard enough .

Don't make it harder on yourself.


But you don't KNOW that starting out. I had no idea marriage would be difficult. Who comes to marriage thinking it will be difficult??



Um I dated people and had relationships before I got married and maintaining a relationship is work. Dealing with another human all the time is work. I never thought marriage would be easy. Maybe I'm a weirdo.

Even if you did think it would be easy, OP asks would you marry someone knowing it wouldn't work. Why would you do that? That seems like a huge problem.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 15:59     Subject: Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would you do this?

Marriage is hard enough .

Don't make it harder on yourself.


But you don't KNOW that starting out. I had no idea marriage would be difficult. Who comes to marriage thinking it will be difficult??


Perhaps your ideas of marriage shouldn't have come from Disney and Harlequin romances. Any married couple you ask will tell you marriage is hard and it takes work.


No. My idea of marriage came from my parents. And I didn't see the "hard work" they were doing. Nobody actually tells you what is "hard" about it nor what the actual "work" part of that hard work is. ... do they say you are going to start to hate your husband or wife or there is a 40% chance one of you will have an affair or you might have fertility issues and not be able to have children Or that one of you will lose your job in the downturn and you'll be on the edge of fiscal ruin and you'll lose your house? No. They don't. Nor do they say how that is going to affect you (because they don't know). We've had a LOT of issue that might break other couples but they made us closer. We've also had issues that might be no brainers for other couples, but they have made us struggle. And exactly what this "hard work" is I don't even still fucking know! What is the work I'm doing?????? I did NOT start marriage thinking it would be difficult. And it WASN'T. Until way way later. And I can't define the work I'm doing or what is so hard about it ... don't give me that crap that when you are 24 you understand marriage will be difficult. No. No. No. NO.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 14:02     Subject: Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would you do this?

Marriage is hard enough .

Don't make it harder on yourself.


But you don't KNOW that starting out. I had no idea marriage would be difficult. Who comes to marriage thinking it will be difficult??


Perhaps your ideas of marriage shouldn't have come from Disney and Harlequin romances. Any married couple you ask will tell you marriage is hard and it takes work.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 13:51     Subject: Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would you do this?

Marriage is hard enough .

Don't make it harder on yourself.


But you don't KNOW that starting out. I had no idea marriage would be difficult. Who comes to marriage thinking it will be difficult??
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 13:51     Subject: Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think very people people get married KNOWING it won't work. More common is choosing to overlook or minimize obvious problems and concerns because you want to BELEIVE it will work. I bet more than half of the marriages that fail do so simply because of the poor decision making that led to getting married in the first place.


Guilty. I got married to my first wife knowing there were issues but believing that we would be able to work them out.

I was wrong.


+1 I did hang in there for 14 years trying to make it work, but yeah, I knew there were real issues I was ignoring, and I did have a lot of people who cared about me try to persuade me to back out.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2016 13:49     Subject: Did you ever marry someone KNOWING it wouldn't work?
Why the hell would you do this?

Marriage is hard enough .

Don't make it harder on yourself.