"I can control my behavior but not his" is effective tool for dealing with alcoholics, pushy in laws and asshole coworkers. Not a 6 year old you're raising to be a competent, hopefully helpful member of society.

Kids respond to calm, assertive energy. Not passive energy. Fear of authority is too underrated these days! Parents just threatening "no screen time!" In these shrill voices. Kids sense you're not in control.

My dad would hang a belt on his doorknob the nights we were insufferable punks as a silent reminder of who ruled the house. (Never once ever used it but there was the fear!)

The raised eyebrow stare down when a kid is out of line is effective. Then in a low, strong voice you tell them to "cut. That. Shit. Out."

Anonymous wrote:Did you just learn about Skinner and want to show off your knowledge about him?

Well, yes, I did. How did you know?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15:41 again - OP, you didn't answer my question - did you tell your son who those words make you feel?

(I am actually very surprised that everybody else is advocating strict operant conditioning - Skinner would be so proud of you guys!)

You are "very surprised" that most parents have a zero tolerance policy for their kids calling them stupid? He KNOWS "how it makes it her feel." It's a word designed to insult and hurt. He doesn't mean it a compliment and he would not be surprised to hear or care that it "made her feel sad."

Well, since you are operating strictly from the behavioral perspective - you don't know what he KNOWS (remember brain is a "black box") and the only reaction he SEES to his words is NO REACTION ( who is that showing "being upset", btw?)

I personally don't think that 6 yo human beings should be always reduced to the level of Skinner rats. But that is just me.

You remind me of the episode of Friends where Joey bought an encyclopedia but only one book so he tried to get the friends to talk about letter V subjects. Did you just learn about Skinner and want to show off your knowledge about him?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should say that he has ADHD and traditional punishments like taking things away aren't a good strategy. As for the pool situation, I'm not sure how you woul envision removing a 6 year old boy from a swimming pool in a way that is t violent or at least physically domineering and aggressive. I'm not going to physically drag him from the pool. I left. I can control my behavior not his. But I would like a positive discipline method to help get rid of what has become a habit.

In all seriousness, how do you set limits? If your boy started running out into a busy street all the time, how would you keep him from doing that? Can you adapt whatever you would use in that situation to this one?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15:41 again - OP, you didn't answer my question - did you tell your son who those words make you feel?

(I am actually very surprised that everybody else is advocating strict operant conditioning - Skinner would be so proud of you guys!)

You are "very surprised" that most parents have a zero tolerance policy for their kids calling them stupid? He KNOWS "how it makes it her feel." It's a word designed to insult and hurt. He doesn't mean it a compliment and he would not be surprised to hear or care that it "made her feel sad."

Well, since you are operating strictly from the behavioral perspective - you don't know what he KNOWS (remember brain is a "black box") and the only reaction he SEES to his words is NO REACTION ( who is that showing "being upset", btw?)

I personally don't think that 6 yo human beings should be always reduced to the level of Skinner rats. But that is just me.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should say that he has ADHD and traditional punishments like taking things away aren't a good strategy. As for the pool situation, I'm not sure how you woul envision removing a 6 year old boy from a swimming pool in a way that is t violent or at least physically domineering and aggressive. I'm not going to physically drag him from the pool. I left. I can control my behavior not his. But I would like a positive discipline method to help get rid of what has become a habit.

I would let him know that he cannot go to the pool again until he learns to stop talking that way.

I have taken both of the positive parenting classes with Dr Rene and Dr Dan - neither one of them say that you always have to do positive parenting. For something like this, I think starting out ignoring was a good idea - however, it isn't working. Positive motivators would be something like everyday that he doesn't say something mean - he gets a prize. However, in our house, we do a lot of positive parenting and then we have a few non-negotiables that result in immediate penalty. We went through a similar issue though our's was "worst mommy" - I ignored for like two weeks and then said no more - I told our child that if he said it again that he'd immediatley lose TV for the day. He tried it a few more times - consequence was immediate though non-emotional and that was that - hasn't happened in months.

Why are you letting this continue, OP?

I would threaten consequences so dire my kids would never dare to do this.

OP -- this might help you:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/on-parenting/our-6-year-old-son-is-an-angel-at-school-but-a-devil-at-home/2016/07/26/ec623ede-4a11-11e6-acbc-4d4870a079da_story.html

Anonymous wrote:15:41 again - OP, you didn't answer my question - did you tell your son who those words make you feel?

(I am actually very surprised that everybody else is advocating strict operant conditioning - Skinner would be so proud of you guys!)

You are "very surprised" that most parents have a zero tolerance policy for their kids calling them stupid? He KNOWS "how it makes it her feel." It's a word designed to insult and hurt. He doesn't mean it a compliment and he would not be surprised to hear or care that it "made her feel sad."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should say that he has ADHD and traditional punishments like taking things away aren't a good strategy. As for the pool situation, I'm not sure how you woul envision removing a 6 year old boy from a swimming pool in a way that is t violent or at least physically domineering and aggressive. I'm not going to physically drag him from the pool. I left. I can control my behavior not his. But I would like a positive discipline method to help get rid of what has become a habit.

Your excuses for why you "can't" discipline explain why your son is acting like this. You refuse to be the parent. Deal with it then.

We used to have more traditional punishments of taking away privileges and toys but were told not to do that to a child with ADHD. The consequence needs to be related to the behavior. Taking away my attention seems to be the most natural consequence. But I see that I should have posted in the SN forum. You guys are brutal.

How is making him leave the pool for calling you stupid at the pool NOT a consequence related to his behavior?

Exactly. If taking away your attention were enough, your plan would've worked already. You're asking for help but arguing with people who've been in your shoes and solved the problem. Why is that, exactly?

I would have told him to get out of the pool for 5 mins. If he didnt want to get out then he loses a set amount of screen time instead.

Sorry if people are being harsh OP but what you are doing currently is not working right? So you need to make a change. It wont hurt him to try something different, just make sure you try it for at least 2 weeks,

15:41 again - OP, you didn't answer my question - did you tell your son who those words make you feel?

(I am actually very surprised that everybody else is advocating strict operant conditioning - Skinner would be so proud of you guys!)

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should say that he has ADHD and traditional punishments like taking things away aren't a good strategy. As for the pool situation, I'm not sure how you woul envision removing a 6 year old boy from a swimming pool in a way that is t violent or at least physically domineering and aggressive. I'm not going to physically drag him from the pool. I left. I can control my behavior not his. But I would like a positive discipline method to help get rid of what has become a habit.

Good God woman. Maybe your son is right. You are his parent. Act like one.