I must not be very touchy. I appreciate every pat on the back, every understanding smile, everything that makes me think that I'm doing something right. And I try to share that support with others too.

If I'm truly doing something outstanding with my disabled child I appreciate a pat on the back. And it sounds like that's what OP was doing. So I think this was a nice post.

What is bothersome, intrusive, and frankly weird is when people come up to me when I am caring for my disabled child in some extremely everyday parenting task -- handing her a Cheerio; swimming in the pool, walking in the street -- and someone comes over and gushes "Your such a great mom!" Um, what? Because I'm opening a ziplock bag of cheerios?

But I believe this post was in the former, not the latter category and it was just fine by me.

I agree that I would appreciate any acknowledgement for positive effort/ outcome for either of my kids (neuroticism and not).

I know I get a lot of negative attention when my efforts aren't yielding immediate results.

The best for me is when another grown up praises for a positive behavior in my child. I especially enjoy it when someone compliments my kids on their manners. It helps them see that it isn't just mom who thinks these things are important.

NP here, but I've gone up to parents and said they are doing a good job (or whatever) when they have managed a tricky situation. I saw a mom with a kid having a tantrum and she managed to navigate the situation and I told her she handled it well.

I think as parents (neurotypical and SN) we all could use some validation from time to time.

If as SN parents - you guys would prefer that we ignore your parenting, I'd like to know that too.


Why not just leave her alone? If my kid is having tantrum, the last thing I want is your commentary even if you mean well.

I do but clearly, not everyone does. I guess it's not much different than paying someone a compliment or holding open a door. Just shows that not matter what you do, you can piss off someone.

OP - had you come up to me and noted that I'd done a good job, I would have smiled, said thank you and have had a nice glow for a little while. I hope the negativity from some on this thread doesn't discourage you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds condescending. If someone made any comments like PP have said, I'd be very upset and uncomfortable.

Not PP. Please explain why. I have multiples who don't have special needs and I often get comments that I'm doing a good job and I often reach out to parents who I see may be in a challenging situation and give them a smile or an encouraging word. How is this condescending? I don't want to make people feel bad.

Because you are only saying it as the child has SN. I would not change my parenting and still parent the same either way regardless of SN but I would not want someone approaching me saying a comment that was clearly related to the SN. People are trying to be friendly. If you want to be friendly for a friendship find another opening line.

NP here, but I've gone up to parents and said they are doing a good job (or whatever) when they have managed a tricky situation. I saw a mom with a kid having a tantrum and she managed to navigate the situation and I told her she handled it well.

I think as parents (neurotypical and SN) we all could use some validation from time to time.

If as SN parents - you guys would prefer that we ignore your parenting, I'd like to know that too.

Like any group, people will vary. As you can see from this thread, some will say thank you and others will feel insulted or irritated. Also sometimes those special needs are invisible, so I'm not sure this dichotomy makes sense anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds condescending. If someone made any comments like PP have said, I'd be very upset and uncomfortable.

Not PP. Please explain why. I have multiples who don't have special needs and I often get comments that I'm doing a good job and I often reach out to parents who I see may be in a challenging situation and give them a smile or an encouraging word. How is this condescending? I don't want to make people feel bad.

Because you are only saying it as the child has SN. I would not change my parenting and still parent the same either way regardless of SN but I would not want someone approaching me saying a comment that was clearly related to the SN. People are trying to be friendly. If you want to be friendly for a friendship find another opening line.

NP here, but I've gone up to parents and said they are doing a good job (or whatever) when they have managed a tricky situation. I saw a mom with a kid having a tantrum and she managed to navigate the situation and I told her she handled it well.

I think as parents (neurotypical and SN) we all could use some validation from time to time.

If as SN parents - you guys would prefer that we ignore your parenting, I'd like to know that too.

Why not just leave her alone? If my kid is having tantrum, the last thing I want is your commentary even if you mean well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds condescending. If someone made any comments like PP have said, I'd be very upset and uncomfortable.

Not PP. Please explain why. I have multiples who don't have special needs and I often get comments that I'm doing a good job and I often reach out to parents who I see may be in a challenging situation and give them a smile or an encouraging word. How is this condescending? I don't want to make people feel bad.

Because you are only saying it as the child has SN. I would not change my parenting and still parent the same either way regardless of SN but I would not want someone approaching me saying a comment that was clearly related to the SN. People are trying to be friendly. If you want to be friendly for a friendship find another opening line.

NP here, but I've gone up to parents and said they are doing a good job (or whatever) when they have managed a tricky situation. I saw a mom with a kid having a tantrum and she managed to navigate the situation and I told her she handled it well.

I think as parents (neurotypical and SN) we all could use some validation from time to time.

If as SN parents - you guys would prefer that we ignore your parenting, I'd like to know that too.