Sexting with other man! Of course it is cheating.

DH and I would both consider that cheating.

My friends fiance does not consider it cheating.

It's only cheating if you don't wear a condom.

OP for this to have escalated to this level, I'd wager he's already doing it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. In answer to last question: spouse was born in NY. So it's not cultural thing (barring anyone biased against NY).

This makes me feel better that people think this is cheating. And also worse! I don't get how he can think that's not cheating but he is insistent that unless there is physical touching, it's not. We haven't talked all day. I hope to tonight.

You haven't spoken because of a hypothetical disagreement? Good grief you are a drama queen.

Ha, you posted this right as I was posting! Two peas in a pod

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. In answer to last question: spouse was born in NY. So it's not cultural thing (barring anyone biased against NY).

This makes me feel better that people think this is cheating. And also worse! I don't get how he can think that's not cheating but he is insistent that unless there is physical touching, it's not. We haven't talked all day. I hope to tonight.

You haven't talked all day over a hypothetical situation? He's not doing it right? Good god some people live to be offended.

When you have to ask, then it probably is.

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. In answer to last question: spouse was born in NY. So it's not cultural thing (barring anyone biased against NY).

This makes me feel better that people think this is cheating. And also worse! I don't get how he can think that's not cheating but he is insistent that unless there is physical touching, it's not. We haven't talked all day. I hope to tonight.

You haven't spoken because of a hypothetical disagreement? Good grief you are a drama queen.

This is the OP. In answer to last question: spouse was born in NY. So it's not cultural thing (barring anyone biased against NY).

This makes me feel better that people think this is cheating. And also worse! I don't get how he can think that's not cheating but he is insistent that unless there is physical touching, it's not. We haven't talked all day. I hope to tonight.

Anonymous wrote:Texting/sexting anyone outside your primary relationship... so, this topic came up.

Spouse says not cheating. Cheating is only when there is actual physical contact. I couldn't believe it. Ended up in a heated argument without resolution.

Now I am worried. If that's not considered cheating (I think it is), well, who's to say that wouldn't happen between us without him feeling any guilt?

What country is this guy from?
Sorry, but it sounds like you married a manipulative loser.

Cheating.

More to the point, if something is a problem for you and you have communicated that respectfully to your spouse, then it is up to him to respect your wishes. If it is a deal-breaker for him, then he needs to communicate that to you and then the two of you decide how to proceed.

Anything secretive is a problem. My STBX had many, many secret "friendships" ... he kept them secret right from the beginning even though not a thing had transpired because he hoped that some small percentage might move to the next level. Not knowing with whom he might get lucky meant keeping them all secret. So even the most platonic inconsequential relationship, if kept secret, can be an indication of "grooming." Spouses don't need to be completely in each other's business, but they also don't need to purposely keep secrets.

It sounds very convenient for him to insist this wasn't cheating.

Anonymous wrote:If you can't do it in front of your partner, and/or would be embarrassed (or worse) if your partner found out, it's cheating.

If you text someone of your preferred gender, but wouldn't care at all if your partner saw it because your partner wouldn't mind, then it's probably fine.

Anything else is a problem.

The fact that this isn't obvious to your partner is a problem.

This, and if she/he travels, I'd bet my life that they've already cheated.

I am sure you've done this, but do make sure that you let your spouse know that you DO think it is cheating and if he engages in it you will be hurt and feel betrayed. That in your mind, it is cheating.

You might ask him if he would mind if you send naked photos of yourself to another man.

He needs to really think of the implications.

Anonymous wrote:Its cheating but it's on the lower end of the cheating spectrum. Physical and emotional affairs are obviously worse.

I assume most people send flirty or inappropriate texts at some point over a long marriage.

+1