Anonymous
07/21/2016 09:29
Subject: Re:Taking back my life
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. None of you know my kids or our day-to-day... There is no possible way our kids would be better off with us split. Whatever flaws in our marriage to this point, we have protected our kids from that. No loud arguments, screaming, etc., though come to think of it that avoidance of conflict has been one of the big issues. But the kids have a nurturing, loving, supportive home and are thriving. I will sacrifice much to give them that for the foreseeable future
OP you aren't alone in this. We also have a stable home for our kids, but are kind of a marital train wreck (yes, an affair). Also partly due to avoidance of conflict. Good luck.
Avoiding conflicts is one of the huge, unspoken problems in marriage. Neither side wants to argue, scream, fight, so the complaints lie buried within, and they fester and stew and burn and cause tremendous damage. A couple needs to feel safe communicating about delicate, uncomfortable topics. I am nearing 50, and I tell young newlyweds that one of the keys to a happy marriage is fighting. Seriously. Learn how to fight fair, how to air differences, how to communicate and how to resolve conflicts.
Anonymous
07/21/2016 08:55
Subject: Taking back my life
Anonymous wrote:OP, if there are no kids, I would separate. When a woman has an affair the relationship is usually over vs. a guy who just wants sex. Plus, she now has the power in your marriage, which is a toxic mix. Seriously, get ripped at the gym and talk to the ladies in grad school and you will be fine.
This. You guys are done. Move on, you need someone who respects you.
Anonymous
07/21/2016 08:51
Subject: Re:Taking back my life
Anonymous wrote:OP here. None of you know my kids or our day-to-day... There is no possible way our kids would be better off with us split. Whatever flaws in our marriage to this point, we have protected our kids from that. No loud arguments, screaming, etc., though come to think of it that avoidance of conflict has been one of the big issues. But the kids have a nurturing, loving, supportive home and are thriving. I will sacrifice much to give them that for the foreseeable future
OP you aren't alone in this. We also have a stable home for our kids, but are kind of a marital train wreck (yes, an affair). Also partly due to avoidance of conflict. Good luck.
Anonymous
07/21/2016 08:22
Subject: Re:Taking back my life
Anonymous wrote:OP here. None of you know my kids or our day-to-day... There is no possible way our kids would be better off with us split. Whatever flaws in our marriage to this point, we have protected our kids from that. No loud arguments, screaming, etc., though come to think of it that avoidance of conflict has been one of the big issues. But the kids have a nurturing, loving, supportive home and are thriving. I will sacrifice much to give them that for the foreseeable future
People want to believe when there is a cheating spouse the marriage is obviously a disaster and abusive to the kids.
Nobody wants to think their loving marriage with stable kids could possibly also have a cheating spouse.
Anonymous
07/21/2016 08:20
Subject: Re:Taking back my life
OP here. None of you know my kids or our day-to-day... There is no possible way our kids would be better off with us split. Whatever flaws in our marriage to this point, we have protected our kids from that. No loud arguments, screaming, etc., though come to think of it that avoidance of conflict has been one of the big issues. But the kids have a nurturing, loving, supportive home and are thriving. I will sacrifice much to give them that for the foreseeable future
Anonymous
07/21/2016 07:25
Subject: Taking back my life
Dude, kids are better off with happy parents whether they are married or not. Unhappy resentful parents kill childhood. Tell her to pack her shit and leave. Do you have proof of the affair? You can get way more then 50/50 if you want it. And assuming she works, you won't even have to pay alimony. Document the affair and get a good lawyer.
Anonymous
07/21/2016 06:05
Subject: Taking back my life
Anonymous wrote:I commend your refreshing attitude OP!
I say more power to you.
However there is something very problematic regarding your post.
You are taking the bull by the horns & doing YOU now which is wonderful.
But at the same time you are continuing to share your life w/someone who cheated on you & that you share a miserable existence with by your own admission.
Something has to give here.
You cannot live w/an angel along with the devil.
One will surely destroy the other.
+ 1
I say, if you want your new life to begin, the most important thing to do first is get out of this toxic toxic marriage.
If you stay, it will surely hinder any positivity you hope to lay claim to.
Hope this helps.
Good luck!
Anonymous
07/20/2016 06:44
Subject: Taking back my life
I commend your refreshing attitude OP!
I say more power to you.
However there is something very problematic regarding your post.
You are taking the bull by the horns & doing YOU now which is wonderful.
But at the same time you are continuing to share your life w/someone who cheated on you & that you share a miserable existence with by your own admission.
Something has to give here.
You cannot live w/an angel along with the devil.
One will surely destroy the other.
I say, if you want your new life to begin, the most important thing to do first is get out of this toxic toxic marriage.
If you stay, it will surely hinder any positivity you hope to lay claim to.
Hope this helps.
Good luck!
I say more power to you.
However there is something very problematic regarding your post.
You are taking the bull by the horns & doing YOU now which is wonderful.
But at the same time you are continuing to share your life w/someone who cheated on you & that you share a miserable existence with by your own admission.
Something has to give here.
You cannot live w/an angel along with the devil.
One will surely destroy the other.
I say, if you want your new life to begin, the most important thing to do first is get out of this toxic toxic marriage.
If you stay, it will surely hinder any positivity you hope to lay claim to.
Hope this helps.
Good luck!
Anonymous
07/19/2016 13:29
Subject: Re:Taking back my life
Anonymous wrote:There are kids and they are a big factor in all of this. I do not want a broken home for them. I know many women's affairs are fatal to a marriage because usually the woman falls in love vs just wanting sex. So we are not out of the woods by far but both acknowledge we are in a better place than six months ago. I am taking it in 6-month increments and we will see. As for her holding all the power... She does not want our family breaking up either. Scares the crap out of her. She knows she effed up royally so she knows I have every right to bolt and ask for at least 50-50 custody.
Your marriage can be better after an affair, I know it sounds Messed Up, but it's true. I'm sorry this happened to you, you sound like a good guy.
Anonymous
07/19/2016 12:14
Subject: Taking back my life
I understand, OP. There comes a point where the healthiest thing is to focus on improving and healting yourself. Keep moving forward.
Anonymous
07/19/2016 11:15
Subject: Re:Taking back my life
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There are kids and they are a big factor in all of this. I do not want a broken home for them. I know many women's affairs are fatal to a marriage because usually the woman falls in love vs just wanting sex. So we are not out of the woods by far but both acknowledge we are in a better place than six months ago. I am taking it in 6-month increments and we will see. As for her holding all the power... She does not want our family breaking up either. Scares the crap out of her. She knows she effed up royally so she knows I have every right to bolt and ask for at least 50-50 custody.
You always have the right to bold and request 50-50 custody; however, since you forgave her, you no longer have the right to file it as her fault legally.
+1
Unless she starts up again.
Anonymous
07/19/2016 10:09
Subject: Taking back my life
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is it with all the cheating wives stories on here lately? Seriously, with all the horndogs out there who will boink any woman whenever she is in the mood, why should any guy get married? In the current state of how people think, you cannot expect monogamy.
Yet there are millions of happily married people who love each other and have sex.
Well apparently they are having sex with people outside their marriage.
Most are not. Even ones that do, it is short lived.
Anonymous
07/19/2016 10:08
Subject: Taking back my life
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is it with all the cheating wives stories on here lately? Seriously, with all the horndogs out there who will boink any woman whenever she is in the mood, why should any guy get married? In the current state of how people think, you cannot expect monogamy.
Yet there are millions of happily married people who love each other and have sex.
Well apparently they are having sex with people outside their marriage.
Anonymous
07/19/2016 09:54
Subject: Taking back my life
Anonymous wrote:What is it with all the cheating wives stories on here lately? Seriously, with all the horndogs out there who will boink any woman whenever she is in the mood, why should any guy get married? In the current state of how people think, you cannot expect monogamy.
Yet there are millions of happily married people who love each other and have sex.
Anonymous
07/19/2016 09:54
Subject: Taking back my life
What is it with all the cheating wives stories on here lately? Seriously, with all the horndogs out there who will boink any woman whenever she is in the mood, why should any guy get married? In the current state of how people think, you cannot expect monogamy.