Anonymous
Post 07/20/2016 05:14     Subject: It's the right thing, but it hurts so much.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, don't beat yourself up! While you may realize he's a great guy, but you are great too. He's doing something for his child, which is ok, it may not work out, but please, please don't sit around waiting. As much as it hurts, go out, meet new people or find a hobby or something you can immerse yourself into so that you are not constantly thinking of what could have been. Cheering you on, you can do this!



I won't sit around and pine, but this only just happened so I'm not ready to start dating yet. It's just hard to be my age ,mid 30's a, and think things are going one way and realize they aren't, and realize what you could have had earlier if you hadn't been so shortsighted.

That's how it goes I guess iit's what they say anyway.

I think getting lost in my work will be good for me today.


Don't be so hard on yourself OP.

Remember that hindsight is always 20/20. It always has that darn (!) unfair advantage!
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2016 05:10     Subject: It's the right thing, but it hurts so much.
Do you believe that he really is going back to her just for the sake of the child??
Does he love her at all as well....?

If they broke up before, the odds are not in his favor that this second try is going to make a successful run.
If they broke up once, there was a strong reason for it.
And for the ex....Trust me, she only wants him back because if she didn't want him, she didn't want anyone else to have him either.

In less than a year, the novelty will wear off & she will no longer have use for him in her life.

By then, you will have moved on and will be in a completely different place.

(((((( Hugs ))))))
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 18:23     Subject: It's the right thing, but it hurts so much.
He doesn't sound that great to me. He already got a divorce (not a separation) from the mother of his child. The sensible thing to do for the child at this point is be with the woman he loves and show him a positive relationship. Not confuse the crap out of him and then have it fall apart again when the child is old enough to really be messed up by it.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 13:54     Subject: It's the right thing, but it hurts so much.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not sure why a man trying to make things work with the mother of his child is worth criticizing here, 6:34.


He should stick with the mother of his child then. Not string along women in mid-thirties. As I said, a worthy man would make up his mind and stick to his guns.



Did you even read the thread?
Or did you just skim through and look for ways to crap on OP's ex because he's a man?

Because your interpretation isn't at all what OP said has happened.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 13:28     Subject: It's the right thing, but it hurts so much.
Anonymous wrote:Not sure why a man trying to make things work with the mother of his child is worth criticizing here, 6:34.


He should stick with the mother of his child then. Not string along women in mid-thirties. As I said, a worthy man would make up his mind and stick to his guns.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 12:30     Subject: It's the right thing, but it hurts so much.
Anonymous wrote:It's a long story , but I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 6 months. This is actually our second go around , we dated years ago.
During our time apart he married , had a child a divorced another woman.
They've been divorced a couple of years now, and his ex wife has made it known she wants to try again. even though she was the one who wanted the divorce.
He told me he feels like they should try again because they have a child together, so that's it for us.
I can't fault him for that, and if the little boy can have his parents together and happy that'ts what's best right ?
It just really hurts because I love him deeply.


Wow, that sucks a lot. So have the things that made them divorce changed? Cause if they haven't then he is wasting his time and he will be back knocking on your door.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 09:16     Subject: It's the right thing, but it hurts so much.
Not sure why a man trying to make things work with the mother of his child is worth criticizing here, 6:34.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 08:53     Subject: It's the right thing, but it hurts so much.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A few things:

1. You're doing the right thing, by letting him go gracefully, and I am sorry that it hurts.

2. The back and forth is really bad for the child. My stepsiblings parents divorced and married three times before they divorced for good and their mom married my dad. It really did a number on the kids, to live that trauma over and over. It also made them believe their parents would do anything they asked ("you and dad should get married again"), and it set them up for really unhealthy relationships as adults.

3. Like PP said, you cannot take him back. You are not his fallback plan. End it, no contact, and find someone who will choose you.

Good luck!



There really hasn't been any back and forth his son is just a little over 3, the only life he has known is mom & dad being apart.

I don't plan on being in contact with him, but I also don't think saying you know this means we can never get back together to him is the right thing to do.

I feel like that would be kind of like giving him an ultimatum or saying choose me or your kid. Which is wrong in my opinion.

He loves that little boy with all his heart and I know it kills him to have limited time with him.


It's a wrong thing to say, but it's the right thing to do. You don't have to say anything. You don't owe this man an explanation. Cut it off once and for all, because it will hurt less that way. Be kind to yourself. It's lovely your bf wants to raise his son, so wish him well and move on.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 08:13     Subject: It's the right thing, but it hurts so much.
Anonymous wrote:OP, don't beat yourself up! While you may realize he's a great guy, but you are great too. He's doing something for his child, which is ok, it may not work out, but please, please don't sit around waiting. As much as it hurts, go out, meet new people or find a hobby or something you can immerse yourself into so that you are not constantly thinking of what could have been. Cheering you on, you can do this!



I won't sit around and pine, but this only just happened so I'm not ready to start dating yet. It's just hard to be my age ,mid 30's a, and think things are going one way and realize they aren't, and realize what you could have had earlier if you hadn't been so shortsighted.

That's how it goes I guess iit's what they say anyway.

I think getting lost in my work will be good for me today.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2016 08:10     Subject: It's the right thing, but it hurts so much.
Anonymous wrote:If you don't end it, go on a long lasting BC. I know 7 women including myself whose on/off relationships ended in whoops babies. To be honest, I consider my accidental pregnancy not just a medical miracle, but a blessing that saved me by showing me exactly who my now-ex husband is. Things have not turned out as well for the other women I know. A friend was attacked by her bf's other gf. He lived with that woman at the time and they had two kids together. She beat my friend in front of her toddler nephews and my friend almost miscarried. Another is constantly in court fighting her ex BF and his on again gf over custody and CS. A third and fourth are stuck in this area until the kid turns 18 although they would have cheaper housing and a less stressful lifestyle somewhere else. My cousin has a step-daughter who is between her two youngest and a stepson who is 11 months younger than her last child. They are constantly fighting the bio mom for custody and CS. A friend's on-off BF married the other gf the day my friend had the baby by scheduled C-section. He has never seen their daughter. I'm sure that I know other women who had abortions instead and still suffered. On and off is a bad situation for everyone.



Believe me I have no plans on having sex with him.
I know it's a message board and you only have so many details, but he's not the kind guy to string 2 women along and have kids all over the universe.