Anonymous wrote:It's possible his decision to tell you is dumb enough that you should break up with him over it. The fact that he had sex with someone when you both agree you weren't exclusive and were only a few dates in is a total non-issue.

+1. How old are you guys?

Anonymous wrote:It's a little weird that a dude sleeps around casually but gets guilty and finds it necessary to hurt you with information you don't need.

I think it is a different question of if he should have been that honest and different people have different preferences. In the DCUM threads on marriage infidelity there is a camp that wouldn't want to know and wouldn't want their spouse to be honest and say "why blow up my world with your guilt". There is also a camp that wants to know and be able to make decisions with all the facts.

I think my thought is once I got serious about DH when we were dating is don't do something I knew would hurt him. Cheating, whether he found out or not, would hurt our relationship. I also try to put a light to my actions and think, what if the situation was reversed, would I be cool if he did X?

Anonymous wrote:It's a little weird that a dude sleeps around casually but gets guilty and finds it necessary to hurt you with information you don't need.

this.

I've been in this situation once and it was very uncomfortable to not have had an exclusivity talk (because I wasn't sure I was ready to be exclusive) and be sleeping with someone...that turned into two someones. I liked both women tremendously (and am now married to one of them) and just hadn't decided who I thought would make the better long term partner....the other woman probalby would have been a good partner too...I finally just got really lucky. However, although DW and I have admitted we both went on dates with others after we met, there is no way I would ever share that I'd slept with someone else..and I don't want to know if DW slept with the other person.

There is absolutely no good reason to share that information - the best/nicest is a weird sense of needing to be hyper-transparent. That's not malicious (unlike the other creepier motives I can think of) but it definitely shows poor judgment.

Anonymous wrote:It's possible his decision to tell you is dumb enough that you should break up with him over it. The fact that he had sex with someone when you both agree you weren't exclusive and were only a few dates in is a total non-issue.

Exactly. Guy's not too bright and so is OP creating drama over a NON ISSUE. Next he'll be talking about his past relationships and even casual dates to OP. Some people do this and it indicates immaturity and inexperience.

My advice is to run from people like this.

It's possible his decision to tell you is dumb enough that you should break up with him over it. The fact that he had sex with someone when you both agree you weren't exclusive and were only a few dates in is a total non-issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 dates??!!

1) Dont overthink this - it probably wont make it to 30 dates

2) But, keep your eyes open for other hes just not that into you clues

OP here. He had 3 or 4 dates with her they slept together. We had gone on two dates by then. He said he realized he liked me too much when we had our third date and told her he wasn't interested. We have been dating now for two months ( roughly 10 dates) and he's now asking to become more serious.

I honestly don't see the problem unless you slept with him on date 1 or 2 and feel he had sex with her after he had sex with you. Technically speaking if that is the case you didn't have an exclusive relationship he wouldn't be in the wrong but I could see it still stinging.

Assuming you weren't sleeping with him then, the way I see it, he met you and got to know you and made a decision fairly quickly not to string along another woman that he was casually dating. He broke it off with her, focused on the relationship with you. After getting to know you for two months he straightforwardly asked you to date exclusively. He admitted that he stopped dating someone he was sleeping with early on in your dating - maybe too much honestly. But it wasn't like he was trying to game the system and was sleeping with her for 2 months because you guys were "not exclusive" and only planned to stop sleeping with her once you agreed to be exclusive. Unless this is one of those tactics where he appears to be overly honest to gain your trust to cover up being really sleazy I honestly don't see this as an issue. I don't expect a guy to meet me once and forsake all others because I could be the one when in reality we haven't passed the period where you can ghost and really don't owe an explanation (i.e. The first few dates). I do like to see integrity that you don't sleep with more than one person in the same time period unless everyone involved is cool with it, you don't have a girlfriend or wife and trying to date other people unless it is an open relationship and again everyone knows upfront and is cool with it, and you don't string someone along when you know there isn't a future with them. As far as I see the guy you are dating has been pretty above board.

Anonymous wrote:It's a little weird that a dude sleeps around casually but gets guilty and finds it necessary to hurt you with information you don't need.

My guess is that OP and the guy are very young and probably don't have a ton of relationship experience. I can't really see why he would tell her so much detail.

Unless there is more to the story and OP's guy is trying to create a narrative before anything gets back to OP.

It's a little weird that a dude sleeps around casually but gets guilty and finds it necessary to hurt you with information you don't need.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 dates??!!

1) Dont overthink this - it probably wont make it to 30 dates

2) But, keep your eyes open for other hes just not that into you clues

OP here. He had 3 or 4 dates with her they slept together. We had gone on two dates by then. He said he realized he liked me too much when we had our third date and told her he wasn't interested. We have been dating now for two months ( roughly 10 dates) and he's now asking to become more serious.

The point is should I be upset that he had sex with a woman he was casually dating when we has just met?

No. Let it go. But if you can't - move on. It's your choice.

Anonymous wrote:No one can tell you if you should be or not.
You feel what you feel.
You can either choose to move past it or move on.

+1. I think normal to feel upset by that, but you can chose to move on since it was so early into your dating him or you decide it's something that you can't get past and the relationship doesn't go further. He sounds like a stand-up guy IMO for his honesty IMO.

I'd be worried that I'm dating an idiot. Had no business telling you unless he wanted to show you that he can get others women, or he just stupid.

You're both immature.

1. He shouldn't have told you.
And 2. You should be more worried whether he was safe or got tested.

If it were me I would be more upset that he would tell me something that could upsetting that wasn't really my business.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 dates??!!

1) Dont overthink this - it probably wont make it to 30 dates

2) But, keep your eyes open for other hes just not that into you clues

OP here. He had 3 or 4 dates with her they slept together. We had gone on two dates by then. He said he realized he liked me too much when we had our third date and told her he wasn't interested. We have been dating now for two months ( roughly 10 dates) and he's now asking to become more serious.

So he broke it off with the girl right after sleeping with her? Seems kind of dickish. That's the only thing that would bother me.

These things happen - at least he's being upfront with OP.

He shouldn't have told you - but it's good that he's honest and transparent. If you really like him, keep dating him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 dates??!!

1) Dont overthink this - it probably wont make it to 30 dates

2) But, keep your eyes open for other hes just not that into you clues

OP here. He had 3 or 4 dates with her they slept together. We had gone on two dates by then. He said he realized he liked me too much when we had our third date and told her he wasn't interested. We have been dating now for two months ( roughly 10 dates) and he's now asking to become more serious.

So he broke it off with the girl right after sleeping with her? Seems kind of dickish. That's the only thing that would bother me.