Actually, it's correct that you become a bat mitzvah--you do not have a bat mitzvah. But Jewish person who is so tightly wound, please take it down a notch. It's ok to be rubbed the wrong way if you were but do you have to go to the mat?

The parties are sometimes out of control. Although they have now replaced sweet 16s, which have gone out of style. There's nothing wrong with having a big bash or a small intimate gathering. The point is to mark the day, which is a remarkably special moment for a Jewish family (the next is really the wedding) and to find a way to celebrate that is a reflection of that child and his or her parents. Nothing more or less. Signed someone who has been to a million bat and bar Mitzvahs that ranged from small luncheons at someone's lovely house to $350,000 bashes.

I'm laughing because I have one son who doesn't like loud music or a big party whom I will have a luncheon for and another son who is so into dancing and fun that I will have a nighttime bash for. It can be whatever works for your family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mitzvah is a good deed. She's not having a mitzvah. She's having a bat mitzvah. And you should learn about what a bat mitzvah is - it can't be compared to the Catholic milestones. Your attitude really rubs me the wrong way.

?
A catholic confirmation is a holy sacrament marking a person's adulthood in the church. Sound familiar? It's the same thing as a bat mitzvah...without the over the top expensive party.

How many kids are confirmed at one service? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. What language is a confirmation done in by the child? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. How much does the child speak during a confirmation? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. Right. It's NOT the same thing as a bat mitzvah at ALL.

Your elitist attitude is exactly why I'm glad I didn't grow up going to synagogue, despite my full Jewish heritage.

I don't have an elitist attitude at all. I'm simply saying the two ceremonies should not be compared because they are completely different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mitzvah is a good deed. She's not having a mitzvah. She's having a bat mitzvah. And you should learn about what a bat mitzvah is - it can't be compared to the Catholic milestones. Your attitude really rubs me the wrong way.

Actually, PP, she is not "having a bat mitzvah." She is becoming a bat mitzvah. To commemorate becoming a bat mitzvah, she will have a bat mitzvah celebration.

You really should learn about this. I did.

Sincerely,

Atheist wife of Jewish husband

I did. From my rabbi. Who mentioned multiple times that I was "being bat mitzvah'd." Your post proves nothing except that you're bitchy. How do you know what you learned is right? You don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mitzvah is a good deed. She's not having a mitzvah. She's having a bat mitzvah. And you should learn about what a bat mitzvah is - it can't be compared to the Catholic milestones. Your attitude really rubs me the wrong way.

?
A catholic confirmation is a holy sacrament marking a person's adulthood in the church. Sound familiar? It's the same thing as a bat mitzvah...without the over the top expensive party.

How many kids are confirmed at one service? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. What language is a confirmation done in by the child? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. How much does the child speak during a confirmation? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. Right. It's NOT the same thing as a bat mitzvah at ALL.

Your elitist attitude is exactly why I'm glad I didn't grow up going to synagogue, despite my full Jewish heritage.

+1

We just did a very low key celebration for my daughter, who is not a party kid.

You are on the hook for a Kiddush lunch after the service. Bagels, fruit, a little egg salad. We also got a nice cake. No decorations other than table cloths and no entertainment other than brief remarks by me and my husband. We did this in the social hall.

That night we hosted dinner at our house for immediate family in from out of town, and on Sunday we hosted brunch for out of towners, consisting mostly of leftovers from the Kiddush lunch on Saturday. I considered this a basic obligation of feeding/entertaining family who had traveled for the occasion.

My daughter did want to do something with her friends, and our compromise was a party a week later (since we didn't want it to interfere with visiting aunts/uncles/grandparents). This was basically a notch up from the usual birthday party. We did an event at Vis Arts in Rockville, which was terrific.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mitzvah is a good deed. She's not having a mitzvah. She's having a bat mitzvah. And you should learn about what a bat mitzvah is - it can't be compared to the Catholic milestones. Your attitude really rubs me the wrong way.

?
A catholic confirmation is a holy sacrament marking a person's adulthood in the church. Sound familiar? It's the same thing as a bat mitzvah...without the over the top expensive party.

How many kids are confirmed at one service? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. What language is a confirmation done in by the child? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. How much does the child speak during a confirmation? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. Right. It's NOT the same thing as a bat mitzvah at ALL.

There are similarities and differences. Neither is greater nor lesser than the other. The Bishop confers the Sacrament of Confirmation and there are more Confirmandi within our Diocese than there are days in the year so, by necessity, Confirmation involves a parish worth of kids and each parish has one ceremony per year. We had over 140 kids in our parish alone this year. The Sacrament of Confirmation is celebrated as a community and is not solely an individual accomplishment. We come together as an entire community to celebrate our kids transition from child to adult in our religion.

What language is the ceremony in? Well, depends on the congregation. Our ceremony was in English and in Spanish. How much do the kids speak? Depends on how many volunteers they get. In our ceremony, a lot of kids volunteered so they shared the readings and some were done in English and some in Spanish. In a smaller parish a smaller number of kids might have shared the readings, but no one kid would be responsible for them all because, again, Confirmation is a Sacrament celebrated as a community. Not better than a bar or bat mitzvah. Not worse. Just another religious ceremony marking a transition from childhood to adulthood.

Go to Israel? That's what we plan to do because it seems much more meaningful than a party and we also have a small family.

I also like the idea of a party that is more of a big bday party, which I think could work if you don't have s lot of older relatives, like at one of the fancy bowling alleys or Pinstripes in Georgetown or a box at a Nats game of something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mitzvah is a good deed. She's not having a mitzvah. She's having a bat mitzvah. And you should learn about what a bat mitzvah is - it can't be compared to the Catholic milestones. Your attitude really rubs me the wrong way.

Actually, PP, she is not "having a bat mitzvah." She is becoming a bat mitzvah. To commemorate becoming a bat mitzvah, she will have a bat mitzvah celebration.

You really should learn about this. I did.

Sincerely,

Atheist wife of Jewish husband

SLAM!




(Thank you for this.)

Anonymous wrote:A mitzvah is a good deed. She's not having a mitzvah. She's having a bat mitzvah. And you should learn about what a bat mitzvah is - it can't be compared to the Catholic milestones. Your attitude really rubs me the wrong way.

Actually, PP, she is not "having a bat mitzvah." She is becoming a bat mitzvah. To commemorate becoming a bat mitzvah, she will have a bat mitzvah celebration.

You really should learn about this. I did.

Sincerely,

Atheist wife of Jewish husband

Thank you, most everyone, for the really great suggestions. I will have to present them to my DD when it really comes time to planning something.

Anonymous wrote:A mitzvah is a good deed. She's not having a mitzvah. She's having a bat mitzvah. And you should learn about what a bat mitzvah is - it can't be compared to the Catholic milestones. Your attitude really rubs me the wrong way.

Do you know who you should direct your language definition lesson to? Party planners who advertise a Mitzvah Planning Class or sell Mitzvah Planning Guides. Do you think that Planning Class or Guide is all about how to plan your Mitzvah Project, the good deed? The binder is a place to keep all documents related to the Mitzvah Project organized in one place? Or do you think they are saying Mitzvah but meaning the party part? That is the attitude that needs to bother you - not my desire to succumb to Mitzvah (sorry, the Party after the Bar/Bat Mitzvah) Industrial Complex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mitzvah is a good deed. She's not having a mitzvah. She's having a bat mitzvah. And you should learn about what a bat mitzvah is - it can't be compared to the Catholic milestones. Your attitude really rubs me the wrong way.

?
A catholic confirmation is a holy sacrament marking a person's adulthood in the church. Sound familiar? It's the same thing as a bat mitzvah...without the over the top expensive party.

How many kids are confirmed at one service? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. What language is a confirmation done in by the child? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. How much does the child speak during a confirmation? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. Right. It's NOT the same thing as a bat mitzvah at ALL.

Your elitist attitude is exactly why I'm glad I didn't grow up going to synagogue, despite my full Jewish heritage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mitzvah is a good deed. She's not having a mitzvah. She's having a bat mitzvah. And you should learn about what a bat mitzvah is - it can't be compared to the Catholic milestones. Your attitude really rubs me the wrong way.

I disagree. There is no religious requirement to have a huge party, and it's not a bad attitude not to want to spend tons of money on it. I had a medium-sized party at my own bat mitzvah and hated it. It was for my parents, not for me. And as a parent now, I cannot even contemplate dropping thousands on a party for a 12 year old.

Many points here.
1. Op really should get the language right. It is a bat mitzvah, not a mitzvah. It is a big deal and a family event.

2. You do not have to do a big party. It is not about the party. It is a big deal, thou and I f relatives come in you should feed them.

3. Like the Catholic events, it is a right of passage. It is similar in some ways, but also different. we are all proud of our kids on their day so stop comparing.

4. Your standard b.m. involves your kid standing up in front of everyone and chanting for a good fifteen minutes in Hebrew (Torah, haftarah, and blessings) giving a speech. It has an opportunity for relatives to also participate a bit. If your kid is skilled and capable, she can lead some or all of the service. I can tell you that it is overwhelming and wonderful to watch your scrawny young teen stand up before everyone and do all that. My Catholic husband was blown away and loved the day.