Anonymous
07/02/2016 22:12
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
These girls are teens. Stepmonster can wait 4 years for them to finish at their HS before she moves into her Barbie Dream House and has her own babies.
Anonymous
07/02/2016 22:11
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The stepmoms' idea was not unreasonable. She handled suggesting it poorly. Should have left suggesting it to the dad.
She did suggest it to the dad. He said no.
Yes, and the stepmom should have accepted that and backed off instead of getting all pushy.
Anonymous
07/02/2016 22:08
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The stepmoms' idea was not unreasonable. She handled suggesting it poorly. Should have left suggesting it to the dad.
Hi stepmonster!
Mom's money belongs to her children. It does not belong to stepmonster so she can increase her lifestyle and comfort. It dies not belong to stepmonster's future hypothetical children, or her current children. It belongs to mom's children only.
If stepmonster wants a bigger house in a nicer neighborhood, she needs to get a higher paying job.
For all we know she has a good job but its going to the current family expenses. If she doesn't have kids yet, either she is probably working or a full-time parent/caregiver to his family. Its not unreasonable to want more space if they are going to add kids to the family.
It is NOT her money to spend.
What is wrong with your value system where you think it is okay to take a child's inheritance from their dead mom's life insurance policy and spend it on your own interests?
Anonymous
07/02/2016 22:04
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
Anonymous wrote:I don't think Hax answered this question correctly. If the stepmother just wants to set up plans to benefit her future kids, she has already seen that all she has to do is take out a life insurance policy and then die, leaving her plans written down somewhere.
I really think that answers the stepmom's question much more directly.
Anonymous
07/02/2016 22:04
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The stepmoms' idea was not unreasonable. She handled suggesting it poorly. Should have left suggesting it to the dad.
Hi stepmonster!
Mom's money belongs to her children. It does not belong to stepmonster so she can increase her lifestyle and comfort. It dies not belong to stepmonster's future hypothetical children, or her current children. It belongs to mom's children only.
If stepmonster wants a bigger house in a nicer neighborhood, she needs to get a higher paying job.
For all we know she has a good job but its going to the current family expenses. If she doesn't have kids yet, either she is probably working or a full-time parent/caregiver to his family. Its not unreasonable to want more space if they are going to add kids to the family.
Anonymous
07/02/2016 22:03
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There is probably a lot more that we are not being told. Step mom could have moved into dad and house and there is no space for any additional children, that dad agreed to. Kids are not going to want to share to make room for new kids so there are few options but to get a bigger house. I don't think kids should be pulled out of school given it is paid for by the inheritance but even so, let grandparents pay.
So the provisions that the dead mother made for her children's education should be taken away so that another woman can send her hypothetical future children to a fancy public school?
There has to be a balance. Its not fair to expect stepmom to raise those kids and have no opportunity to have her own. If they have more kids and the house is too small, then either the older kids share a room or they need a new house. Stepmom has different values. We don't know the entire story. No one cares where you go to high school. College and graduate school are far more important.
Then she needs to find a job that pays for all her wants, not steal the children's money left to them by their mom.
Anonymous
07/02/2016 22:02
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
Anonymous wrote:The stepmoms' idea was not unreasonable. She handled suggesting it poorly. Should have left suggesting it to the dad.
Hi stepmonster!
Mom's money belongs to her children. It does not belong to stepmonster so she can increase her lifestyle and comfort. It dies not belong to stepmonster's future hypothetical children, or her current children. It belongs to mom's children only.
If stepmonster wants a bigger house in a nicer neighborhood, she needs to get a higher paying job.
Anonymous
07/02/2016 21:19
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
Anonymous wrote:The stepmoms' idea was not unreasonable. She handled suggesting it poorly. Should have left suggesting it to the dad.
I think it was unreasonable. The life insurance policy was meant to benefit the deceased woman's children. Not the future children of her ex-husband. If the stepmother and husband have children and need a larger house, they need to budget for that themselves.
Not the way to endear yourself to your step kids. Fastest route to alienation.
Anonymous
07/02/2016 20:36
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
Anonymous wrote:The stepmoms' idea was not unreasonable. She handled suggesting it poorly. Should have left suggesting it to the dad.
She did suggest it to the dad. He said no.
Anonymous
07/02/2016 20:33
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
The stepmoms' idea was not unreasonable. She handled suggesting it poorly. Should have left suggesting it to the dad.
Anonymous
07/02/2016 20:12
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There is probably a lot more that we are not being told. Step mom could have moved into dad and house and there is no space for any additional children, that dad agreed to. Kids are not going to want to share to make room for new kids so there are few options but to get a bigger house. I don't think kids should be pulled out of school given it is paid for by the inheritance but even so, let grandparents pay.
So the provisions that the dead mother made for her children's education should be taken away so that another woman can send her hypothetical future children to a fancy public school?
There has to be a balance. Its not fair to expect stepmom to raise those kids and have no opportunity to have her own. If they have more kids and the house is too small, then either the older kids share a room or they need a new house. Stepmom has different values. We don't know the entire story. No one cares where you go to high school. College and graduate school are far more important.
Stepmom chose to become part of this. No one forced her. Their mother had no choice. Her wishes need to be honored.
Clearly their mother cared where her girls went to high school. They'll need continuity in something if they're dealing with their mother's death, a new stepmonster, new half sibling(s). The school provides that.
Anonymous
07/02/2016 20:07
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There is probably a lot more that we are not being told. Step mom could have moved into dad and house and there is no space for any additional children, that dad agreed to. Kids are not going to want to share to make room for new kids so there are few options but to get a bigger house. I don't think kids should be pulled out of school given it is paid for by the inheritance but even so, let grandparents pay.
So the provisions that the dead mother made for her children's education should be taken away so that another woman can send her hypothetical future children to a fancy public school?
There has to be a balance. Its not fair to expect stepmom to raise those kids and have no opportunity to have her own. If they have more kids and the house is too small, then either the older kids share a room or they need a new house. Stepmom has different values. We don't know the entire story. No one cares where you go to high school. College and graduate school are far more important.
Anonymous
07/02/2016 19:59
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
Yeah it's hard to sympathize with this stepmother's pov. Honor the dead mom's wishes, for pete's sake, or you risk turning into the evil stepmom. Easy to believe this letter is made up just because the stepmom seems so classically selfish and narcissistic.
Anonymous
07/02/2016 01:20
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
Anonymous wrote:There is probably a lot more that we are not being told. Step mom could have moved into dad and house and there is no space for any additional children, that dad agreed to. Kids are not going to want to share to make room for new kids so there are few options but to get a bigger house. I don't think kids should be pulled out of school given it is paid for by the inheritance but even so, let grandparents pay.
So the provisions that the dead mother made for her children's education should be taken away so that another woman can send her hypothetical future children to a fancy public school?
Anonymous
07/01/2016 23:31
Subject: This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax
There is probably a lot more that we are not being told. Step mom could have moved into dad and house and there is no space for any additional children, that dad agreed to. Kids are not going to want to share to make room for new kids so there are few options but to get a bigger house. I don't think kids should be pulled out of school given it is paid for by the inheritance but even so, let grandparents pay.