Anonymous
Post 07/01/2016 01:22     Subject: Hair under arm
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why does it HAVE to be removed? Why shame her and program her to be ashamed of something that's she not ashamed of?


Because it's easier than being shamed in public at the pool by a group of kids.


Yup. I was mortified when the boy next door exclaimed "Ewwww! Fur!" God I wish my mom had just come to me. I was too embarrassed.
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2016 00:46     Subject: Re:Hair under arm
Have a Nair party.
Anonymous
Post 07/01/2016 00:39     Subject: Re:Hair under arm
My daughter is not a talk oriented kid. When her pits were noticeably hairy at 10, I bought some razors and shaving gel for her. I told her where they were, that I'd be happy to show her how to use them if she liked, and that some girls shave their arm pits, legs, and so on, and others don't. I told her I'd be happy to answer any questions, waited a moment and she shooed me away. She began shaving. I checked in a month later to again ask if she had any questions, wanted different razors or supplies, and reminded her she didn't have to shave anything she didn't want to shave.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2016 22:48     Subject: Re:Hair under arm
Anonymous wrote:that's ridiculous. I was happy not to shave until well into high school. No one shamed me. i didn't want to shave and still hate it. I only do it when I need to (ie, if I'm going to be going to the pool or something and feeling self-conscious of other people's judgement outweighs my own comfort and beliefs. I am not happy that I do it. I don't want my daughter to feel pressured into it if she doesn't want to. And me suggesting that she should do it IS pressure. If she wants to, sure, I'll help her. But she can bring it up.

I think a parent should be careful what you "gently suggest" because even just asking if she doesn't want to shave suggests that you think she should.

I feel pretty confident that this whole over-shaving thing is heading for some backlash, trend-wise.


What if your daughter is acutely embarrassed and desperately wants to shave, but is too shy to ask you about it? Are you saying you'll never even broach the subject with her? You said you had no interest in shaving. What if she does?
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2016 22:46     Subject: Hair under arm
My mom showed me how to shave when I was 11 because I was very unhappy with the dark hair on my legs. It was particularly noticeable because all my friends were blond, or very fair, and had almost no body hair. I hated wearing shorts or dresses around them.

After those legs were shaved, I *loved* finally feeling unselfconscious, I'm forever grateful to my mom for helping me fit in and feel normal.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2016 22:44     Subject: Re:Hair under arm
that's ridiculous. I was happy not to shave until well into high school. No one shamed me. i didn't want to shave and still hate it. I only do it when I need to (ie, if I'm going to be going to the pool or something and feeling self-conscious of other people's judgement outweighs my own comfort and beliefs. I am not happy that I do it. I don't want my daughter to feel pressured into it if she doesn't want to. And me suggesting that she should do it IS pressure. If she wants to, sure, I'll help her. But she can bring it up.

I think a parent should be careful what you "gently suggest" because even just asking if she doesn't want to shave suggests that you think she should.

I feel pretty confident that this whole over-shaving thing is heading for some backlash, trend-wise.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2016 22:39     Subject: Hair under arm
Anonymous wrote:Defintely bring up the issue, but in a positive, non-body shaming way. I was a sensitive, introverted, and shy child. I would have loved if my mom brought up the issue, but she did what many of you suggested of waiting until the DD brings up the issue. Long story short, after weeks of agonizing over the issue and stressing about the upcoming mile test in PE during the hot weather, and not wanting to wear jeans I woke up around midnight the night before and desperately wrote my mother a note. I asked her to please teach me to shave my legs and put it outside her door. And my dad found the note which was beyond mortifying. I wore jeans, then taught myself how to shave.


This just breaks my heart. Please, mothers: teach your daughters to shave. They are counting on you.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2016 19:15     Subject: Hair under arm
As a hairy person, for pete's sake stop overthinking and agonizing over it. If she's got underarm hair, teach her to shave. NBD. We live in the US, and pit hair is not done here. It's not shaming, it's normal grooming.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2016 18:55     Subject: Hair under arm
OMG I have a 9 yo with underarm hair. I delicately taught her and help her shave it. Don't you think when she is mercilessly teased by everyone and talked about by all the pool moms that would be worse than shaving? Please be real. If it is a little fuzz, maybe doesn't need it- but if it is true thick hair, HELP HER
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2016 18:50     Subject: Re:Hair under arm
I don't shave under my arms, don't shave my legs or my private area. But if I had a daughter, I would give her an electric razor and deodorant if she wanted it.

Anonymous
Post 06/30/2016 18:47     Subject: Hair under arm
Just as a father would teach his son to shave just do the same with her. Just say to her that she is now at the right age to be taught how to shave so that when she decide it's time she knows how to do it safely.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2016 18:29     Subject: Hair under arm
If you haven't already, now would be the perfect time to talk to her about starting puberty and just mention that you have noticed she already has under arm hair and wondered if she would like to choose a razor and while you're there take her down the feminine hygiene isle to get her pads and tampons as you may need these soon.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2016 18:07     Subject: Hair under arm
Defintely bring up the issue, but in a positive, non-body shaming way. I was a sensitive, introverted, and shy child. I would have loved if my mom brought up the issue, but she did what many of you suggested of waiting until the DD brings up the issue. Long story short, after weeks of agonizing over the issue and stressing about the upcoming mile test in PE during the hot weather, and not wanting to wear jeans I woke up around midnight the night before and desperately wrote my mother a note. I asked her to please teach me to shave my legs and put it outside her door. And my dad found the note which was beyond mortifying. I wore jeans, then taught myself how to shave.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2016 16:02     Subject: Hair under arm
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Serious question: to all the women saying "she doesn't need to shave if she doesn't want to" -- do you shave under your arms? If so, why not just say "I shave -- as do most women in the U.S. -- so here's a razor if you want to shave too"?


Yes, because we were raised to be ashamed of our natural bodies, and we don't want our little girls programmed at age 10 to be ashamed like we were/are. SO, if it doesn't bother her, why make it an issue? Is it HER issue, or the MOM's issue? Does SHE think it's gross or does MOM think it's gross? Or are we afraid other people will think WE are gross?


I started shaving at 10 or 11 because it looked at felt better, plain and simple. No shame; no pressure. I grew up where we went to the beach all the time. I had this friend whose mother would not let her shave her legs all the way up for some weird reason -- thought it made her look like a slut or something -- so she had this strange line above the knee and hair on her thighs. Why are people so weird about shaving? Most people look better without hair -- men and women alike. I will absolutely give my daughter the option (even if she's not asking about it) when she gets underarm hair. I think it's mean to pretend like it doesn't matter when it does. Would you let her walk around with snot running down her face? that's her natural body, right?


That is just obtuse. Hair and snot are obviously different situations.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2016 15:51     Subject: Hair under arm
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's normal, of course you know that, but communicating that it's normal is key here. Maybe you can talk together about body hair in general. What you do to remove it or keep it or whatever. That when she thinks she ready, she can let you know and you'll answer any questions and walk her through removal/shaving.

And until she's ready it's all fine and normal.


Like I would tell her 'I have hair that grows in my arms, under my arms, my legs and my Pubic hair! Wierd right? Ha ha. Well it grows on everyone actually. I do shave my armpits and legs. And sometime I use hair removal on those areas too. I actually don't do anything to my arm hair' etc. and talk about how she can keep or remove hair in whatever way she wants too.


LOL, you must be a mom of a toddler.

But seriously, OP, I would observe her for signs of becoming self-conscious, and then bring it up. I was very self-conscious about body hair starting around that age, but I think I didn't want to bring it up with my mom, or else I brought it up and she blew me off. (I can't remember.) I wish she had been more attentive and sensitive about it. But if your DD isn't bothered, you shouldn't be either.