I love all the advice here, however wonder how many DH and DW out there had sex at 16? I lost my virginity at 14 and still a sane, clean person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I learned that my 16 year old son has been sexually active for the last couple of months with his girlfriend.

This is not something DH or I approve of. When asked DS says that he is using a condom and does not intent to stop. He says that it makes him feel really good and makes him closer to girlfriend. Her parents know and do not have any problems with it.

He is a really good kid, playing sports, good grades, respectful etc. but I really don't want to give the impression that I'm good with this, I am not.

Question is what should we do? Seems like trying to hammer him would not result in stopping this activity short of full time grounding. Doing nothing we appear to condone such activity.

Kinda lost on what to do.

He says her parents know and are OK with it? BS. Parents need to have a face to face sit-down with each other. If this has been going on for two months with no intention of stopping, some serious action needs to be taken by ALL the parents.

Huh? I don't think that the girl's parents have an issue with this behavior. What good is talking to them going to do? They don't care.

Obviously if Op didn't think that her son was ready for a sexual relationship she should have forbidden him to date and/or provided better (and mandatory) supervision during their dates. Now that these kids are having sex, Op can limit their time spent together and she can try to prevent them from having time alone together but, honestly, they'll find a way.

Op should make sure that her son knows how to prevent pregnancy/STDs and she needs to make sure that her son has a doctor that he feels that he can talk to.

I feel for you Op. Hang in there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you sit down with both DS and the girlfriend. HAVE THE TALK. Ask them both about what protection they use. Ask them if they've talked about diseases, pregnancy, etc. Bring legit info with you about the risks of sex and what options they have. They might be uncomfortable but they should be able to talk about sex if they are old enough to do it.

That's just do off base and gross. Talk to your boyfriends parents about sex? Talk to your own parents about sex?
What planet are being beaming down from here exactly?

You know what's gross? HAVING A BABY AT 16.

Also, the following are REALLY GROSS:
Herpes (never goes away, can migrate to your brain)
Syphillis (can kill you)
Chlamydia (can leave you sterile)
Gonorrhea (is just nasty)
HPV (never goes away, can cause cancer)
HIV (never goes away AND can turn to AIDS which can kill you)
BV (also is just nasty)
Yeast Infections (nasty and terribly uncomfortable)
PID (long-term complications)

OH, and you know what's' REALLY REALLY GROSS?
ABORTIONS.

So talk to your fucking kids about sex, morons.

Anonymous wrote:I would do the following:

1) Tell him that you do not condone this behavior, but you understand you can't stop it. (because you can't)
2) Tell him that they need to be using TWO forms of birth control.
3) Tell him not to disrespect you by having sex in your house.

THIS. Authoritative but realistic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you sit down with both DS and the girlfriend. HAVE THE TALK. Ask them both about what protection they use. Ask them if they've talked about diseases, pregnancy, etc. Bring legit info with you about the risks of sex and what options they have. They might be uncomfortable but they should be able to talk about sex if they are old enough to do it.

That's just do off base and gross. Talk to your boyfriends parents about sex? Talk to your own parents about sex?
What planet are being beaming down from here exactly?

Are you 16? You sound it. I am beaming down from the planet called, "Responsible Parenting."

These kids are engaged in a fun and dangerous activity. If they wanted to go to a concert in another city or similar, I would also sit down and go over the risks, the ways to prevent issues and what to do in case of emergency. The most important thing you can do is make sure they have the information. Even if it's "gross."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you sit down with both DS and the girlfriend. HAVE THE TALK. Ask them both about what protection they use. Ask them if they've talked about diseases, pregnancy, etc. Bring legit info with you about the risks of sex and what options they have. They might be uncomfortable but they should be able to talk about sex if they are old enough to do it.

That's just do off base and gross. Talk to your boyfriends parents about sex? Talk to your own parents about sex?
What planet are being beaming down from here exactly?

YES, parents need to talk about SEX with their KIDS[i][u] -- where exactly have you been, and how old are you? If they're old enough to do it, they're old enough to talk about it, and it is a parent's responsibility to teach and guide and give them the information they need to be responsible and healthy.

That's just do off base and gross. Talk to your boyfriends parents about sex? Talk to your own parents about sex?
What planet are being beaming down from here exactly?

Planet Earth, dude! ( I'm not that poster )If they were adults than it would be off base but the son is living in his parents' house. Their house, their rules. Don't like it? Than get a job and a place to live and work.

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you sit down with both DS and the girlfriend. HAVE THE TALK. Ask them both about what protection they use. Ask them if they've talked about diseases, pregnancy, etc. Bring legit info with you about the risks of sex and what options they have. They might be uncomfortable but they should be able to talk about sex if they are old enough to do it.

That's just do off base and gross. Talk to your boyfriends parents about sex? Talk to your own parents about sex?
What planet are being beaming down from here exactly?

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you, Op.

It may be 'normal' but I would be very disappointed in my son or daughter. I would hope that they would wait until 18 since emotionally they are not even adults until age 25. Your son says her parents are ok with it but, I would make sure this was the case. I would call the parents and have a get together to discuss this. Maybe even have a meeting with the son and girlfriend present. I would say you can have sex when you are a fully functioning adult...with a place to stay and a job. Make it clear you are not going to be called grandma or grandpa anytime soon, if they continue.

Just because it is 'normal' doesn't mean you have to be happy or ok it. Who knows they could break up in a week or so and would he bang another girl? How disgusting..yes, I am judging.

There's a difference between "being judgmental" and "having good judgement."

16 is not emotionally mature, financially mature, or academically mature. If these kids have dreams for their future, they need to be taking every step, every measure to ensure they get there. And it will be really hard to do with a baby in tow.

I would do the following:

1) Tell him that you do not condone this behavior, but you understand you can't stop it. (because you can't)
2) Tell him that they need to be using TWO forms of birth control.
3) Tell him not to disrespect you by having sex in your house.

this is scary. I have a 14 year old, and in two years she better not be having sex! I agree there should be a meeting with other parents and both children, yes CHILDREN, in the room too. No you can not stop the train, but make sure every one knows the cost of a baby, the cost of an abortion, the choices of protection. YOU ARE STILL THE PARENT OF YOUR CHILD

I agree with you, Op.

It may be 'normal' but I would be very disappointed in my son or daughter. I would hope that they would wait until 18 since emotionally they are not even adults until age 25. Your son says her parents are ok with it but, I would make sure this was the case. I would call the parents and have a get together to discuss this. Maybe even have a meeting with the son and girlfriend present. I would say you can have sex when you are a fully functioning adult...with a place to stay and a job. Make it clear you are not going to be called grandma or grandpa anytime soon, if they continue.

Just because it is 'normal' doesn't mean you have to be happy or ok it. Who knows they could break up in a week or so and would he bang another girl? How disgusting..yes, I am judging.

Why don't you sit down with both DS and the girlfriend. HAVE THE TALK. Ask them both about what protection they use. Ask them if they've talked about diseases, pregnancy, etc. Bring legit info with you about the risks of sex and what options they have. They might be uncomfortable but they should be able to talk about sex if they are old enough to do it.

Anonymous wrote:Seriously people? Most of my friends - all good kids, great grades, athletic, nice were having sex at 16 if they had a serious boyfriend. I'd be happy that he is in a relationship versus hooking up all the time like a lot of kids that age. And they're being responsible!

My parents many years ago were discussing my brother (17 at the time) and that he was sexually active. i was upstairs and was 14 years old listening to them talk.

My mother in most respects was straight out of the 1950's and said incredulously " Well I just don't believe that my son would do something like this"

My father shot back in his very dry way " Well not only believe it but he is probably having more sex than I am"

My mother, always one to bury her head to a problem "Well if I hear any more about this from you I can assure you that will be true".

The conversation ended with no more discussion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously people? Most of my friends - all good kids, great grades, athletic, nice were having sex at 16 if they had a serious boyfriend. I'd be happy that he is in a relationship versus hooking up all the time like a lot of kids that age. And they're being responsible!

+1000
Trying to shame him out of having sex is worse for his well-being than having sex with his girlfriend.

I don't think anyone mentioned trying to shame him (OR HER), but real life and practical consequences HAVE to be discussed with ALL the parents and the two kids, because the key word here is that they are KIDS. If there is a pregnancy, disease, and of course the ensuing break-up which is down the road, all of these consequences have to be dealt with and a plan needs to be in place to do so. And if there is a conflict of values between the two families, why does one get to trump the other? OPs values matter as much as the girl's mom's. And I think it absolutely matters where sex has taken place. Were they sneaking around in the middle of the night, meeting up in the woods, etc. Safety is a concern, respect for your parents' home and values is a concern. Throwing up your hands and saying "oh well" is as irresponsible as a parent can get.