Last year, DH and I were able to get out of it because of work commitments. This year there's no way around it

Grow a fucking spine! For god's sake! If you believe you are mature enough to get married and have kids, you can't certainly say no to your parents. Grow the fuck up!

And, yes, when they say mean things about your clothing, how they parent, what you wore to dinner, etc - say quietly - please do not speak to me that way. And then very soon after that, when you have time without your children there, explain it "I'm not going to allow you to speak to me, husband or children that way. If you do it then we will leave. It's rude and unnecessary. I'm an adult. Find something nice to say or say nothing.

And so later that night, WHEN they say something, just say "Remember, you aren't going to speak to him/her/me that way? And WHEN they do it again, or sass you for it, then leave. Calmly stand up mid-dinner, gather husband and children and leave. Again, do NOT STORM OUT, just say "ok, kids, it's time to go, say bye to Nanna and Gramps, bye everyone, we'll see you at the house." and drive home. They can follow in a taxi or uber.

(do this after speaking with husband and agreeing - you can't have him trying to keep you there. also do it if your kids aren't mid-food. do it after they are done or before the food arrives so you can get food somewhere else.

You'll only need to do this once. Or twice.

We train people how to treat us. (Yup, Oprah said something like this, but I think she's quoting Maya Angelou... anyway, I remember this quote often)

Anonymous wrote:Re-write your post from the perspective of your parents. Then from the perspective of your sister.

Do you have any more patience and compassion and gratitude now?

NOT the OP, a PP, but.... no, I wouldn't and here's why:

parents insist their kids come
then they complain and run the house "my way or the highway" (eat early, quiet time with multiple young children for 4 hours!)
they can't all fit in the car but they REQUIRE others to pay for the taxi so they can come
they talk about their health all the time
the SIL obsesses about them to the exclusion of all else
and some other shit I forget.

I would go for ONE WEEK. I would also plan an excursion on day 2 and 4 at least (or more if you insist on staying all 14 days. Arrive Sunday, plan excursion for Tuesday afternoon (that way they "get you" all of Monday), then go to the beach/be available on Wednesday, and then Thursday plan an all-day excursion and Friday an afternoon one (since it's quiet hours anyway, who cares????) Then you have dinner each night in town (or cook at home a few nights, which I would totally do), and leave bright and early Saturday morning to "beat the traffic." As in, as soon as the LO woke up, I'd be in it, driving home. Pack the night before after LO goes to bed.

How old are all the kids involved, your's and SIL/BIL?

(1) decide how much time with them you really can take. 5 days? a week? only go for that

(2) Plan mini-escapes for yourself. run to do errands. go for a walk on the beach. get up early and go for a jog. If a parent asks to join, say you need alone time. If they complain that you are being selfish, just say, "that's how I am, I just need time alone to recharge to feel happy when I am with people."

(3) Do you set boundaries? What do you say when you are criticized for the way you dress or the things you do?

Remember when you deal with your family that you are in fact an adult now. You are not a little child anymore. You can treat your family the way you treat other adults. They can adapt to this. They won't break.

Cherish the cabin.

(A great Seinfeld episode )

Is there anything else a little further away that you can escape to for long day trips or overnights? Any friends nearby you need to visit? I use drumming up educational activities in Boston as a way to get some space from my extended family during Cape Cod vacations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just like to say that I am ECSTATIC that it's bitch-about-your-beach-vacation-with-family season on DCUM. One of my favorite seasons. BRING IT ON POSTERS!

Yeah, that.

Me, too! I also am already looking forward to holiday planning and houseguest vents.

Anonymous wrote:I'd just like to say that I am ECSTATIC that it's bitch-about-your-beach-vacation-with-family season on DCUM. One of my favorite seasons. BRING IT ON POSTERS!

Yeah, that.

OP, if your family annoys you so much, don't spend time with them. They're adults, you can tell them how you feel.

How about you do 1 week w/ them, then drive somewhere closer towards home and stay a week there. You don't have to tell them your plans, just say "we've decided to come for a week this year."

Anonymous wrote:I'd just like to say that I am ECSTATIC that it's bitch-about-your-beach-vacation-with-family season on DCUM. One of my favorite seasons. BRING IT ON POSTERS!

+1! I am always amazed to see how many doormats there are here. JUST SAY NO!

I'd just like to say that I am ECSTATIC that it's bitch-about-your-beach-vacation-with-family season on DCUM. One of my favorite seasons. BRING IT ON POSTERS!

Op, establish a schedule BEFORE arriving. How much time do you need to yourself? 9-12noon and then 8pm on - - whatever. You have all the power here. But you have responsibility: to know what you need, schedule it and make it happen. No one gets to dictate your time. However if you want "freebies" like vacations, the powers-that-be will either put up with your particular needs or they won't. And then you have your answer for future years and you live with the consequences.

Just. say. no.

If you can't do it, lie.

My ideal vacation time is 5 nights away. Over the years I've found this is the perfect amount of time for me. With travel time, this gives 4 whole days and 2 partial days of doing vacation things.