Anonymous wrote:We adopted one, unplanned. It's been kind of hellish - she has this huge problem that causes tons of problems and it sucks. I wish things had worked out differently.

How do you have an unplanned adoption?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got permanent birth control after I had my last child at 36.

Are people really that open to having oops babies? I just couldn't imagine starting over again at, say, 45.

Always my question on these threads, too. I'm sure people will jump all over you (us) as they do in all the unplanned pregnancy threads, but the bottom line is many people just aren't that careful, especially once they move into their 40s. I also know at least 3 women who got pregnant after using ART for earlier pregnancies, thinking they could never get pregnant on their own (IMO doctors need to be more clear about this with women!)

Yes. Everyone goes overboard, as they're attempting to scare younger women who haven't started families, insisting that it's nearly impossible to get pregnant in your forties. Meanwhile, your ovulations get a lot more unpredictable. So people who were always careful and had had no pregnancy scares for 15 years find themselves relaxing a little on the birth control. Kaboom, Mother Nature tosses an egg in a hail Mary pass and she scores.

My 16 year old is reading Harry Potter to my 6 year old at bedtime. She is hoping to get through as many books as possible before going to college next year. Warms my heart.

My DH's little brother is a bonus baby, 10 yrs younger than the rest of them. Aside from being somewhat spoiled & not being able to get on his own two feet for awhile, (took him longer to cut the apron strings, shall we say), he's doing fine now. Now he has kids himself, and it's kind of fun to have such an age range of grandkids in the family.

I'm the bonus baby to older parents and sibs 15 and 17 years older. I was very close to my mom, and she had the benefit of extra help from my older sibs. My mom passed away, but she made it very clear she was thrilled. I was very close to my grandmother too. Congratulations!

Anonymous wrote:I got permanent birth control after I had my last child at 36.

Are people really that open to having oops babies? I just couldn't imagine starting over again at, say, 45.

Always my question on these threads, too. I'm sure people will jump all over you (us) as they do in all the unplanned pregnancy threads, but the bottom line is many people just aren't that careful, especially once they move into their 40s. I also know at least 3 women who got pregnant after using ART for earlier pregnancies, thinking they could never get pregnant on their own (IMO doctors need to be more clear about this with women!)

Anonymous wrote:My bonus baby is 15 months and things are getting easier, though we did have to make the switch from both working to me staying home.

She's a delight though. I love spending my days with her. I am on work travel right now and this thread really makes me miss her!

You're on work travel even though you SAH? Huh?

I got permanent birth control after I had my last child at 36.

Are people really that open to having oops babies? I just couldn't imagine starting over again at, say, 45.

Anonymous wrote:Why is this in fifty and over? Has nothing to do with age

I believe OP is looking for advice from those with a longer-term perspective. (And, I would guess, from those who are less inclined to take umbrage so quickly. That also goes for the PP who saw a slight where none was meant about the OP's age. Sheez, people, chill.)

OK, now, back to our regularly-scheduled programming.

OP, our bonus baby was born when I was 41 and DH 44. Our older kids were 6 and 9 at the time. It was a struggle for me at first to go back to the days of toting around an infant and chasing an ornery toddler. Things got easier when she entered preschool, and easier still when she went to school full time. Although we're often among the oldest parents at her back-to-school nights or team events, I think she's kept us young at heart. She just graduated from high school and is a joy. Her older brothers adore her and so do we. I'm so proud of her accomplishments and adventurous spirit, and will miss her terribly when she leaves for college in the fall. HTH. Best of luck to you, OP.

Why is this in fifty and over? Has nothing to do with age

Our bonus baby has been such a joy to our family. He has made us smile every day. He is 7 now and our eldest is 17. He has autism and our other children are so kind and gentle with him. I feel he has made us all better people. He is everyone's favorite person!

I didn't have a bonus baby, but I was (am?) one. My two sisters are 15 and 17 years older than me.

I don't remember ever living with them, and my relationship with them is more like they are aunts. I spent a lot of weekends at their homes growing up. They helped to raise me, of course. I was also a bonus grandbaby, niece, etc. I had lots of grownups who fawned over me while I was growing up.

It's one of those funny things in life. You obviously don't regret the children you never had. BUT once you have the child and get to know him or her, you will quickly find that you won't be able to live without them.

Good luck OP, I think you will find that things work out for the best.

Anonymous wrote:Too funny, pp! We call ours "our gift from God" too. He has brought us such an incredible amount of joy, I would never have believed it!

I'm the PP - mine just made me brownies for Father's day...There are few truly beautiful things in life - a bonus baby is one of them.

We had two(!) bonus babies when I was in my forties. I'd had my first (and I thought only) child in my mid-twenties. These later children have been a wonderful addition to our lives. I have more patience and perspective. The oldest child was so helpful with them when they were little, too.