Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only reason I don't have more sex with my husband is because he doesn't want more.

+1. My husband would rather play on his computer or phone than have sex.

Another one here.

Husband isn't interested. And ps, he's the one who's put on weight and not kept himself together. I look great.

I fantasize about having a husband who actually showed any interest in sex. Ugh.

So glad I'm not the only one! He complains that we don't have sex, but then stays up doing stuff on the computer or watching sports instead of coming to bed when I do. It's pretty clear that sex is not a priority for him.

What makes you unattracted to your spouse? A bunch of stuff, really.

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely? Definitely still attracted.

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active? It started as regular postpartum fatigue/lack of sleep. Then he was very dismissive of my fears about painful postpartum sex, made it all about him not feeling desired, and basically expects me to do all the initiating. But when I do, he doesn't want to--he wants to talk about how he feels about our lack of intimacy, rather than actually do something about it. He never initiates, never seduces, and never makes me feel sexually attractive. It's turned sex into a chore, one more of a million chores that I never seem to perform to his satisfaction. If he ever actually made an effort to get something going, I wouldn't turn him down, but he never does.

Do you still take care of your own needs? Yep.

Anonymous wrote:The only reason I don't have more sex with my husband is because he doesn't want more.

Why didn't I marry someone like you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Schedule is the biggest culprit.

"Schedule" is bullshit. You just aren't prioritizing sex. You're busy with work, kids, pets, exercise, etc.? OK, but there are 168 hours in the week, don't tell me you can't set ONE of those hours aside for sex. Stop putting sex at the bottom of the list and letting "other things" push sex off the list.

WHY you don't want to prioritize sex is the real question.

A "schedule" is about not prioritizing... it's more about expectations... men have unrealistic expectations so they get mean and grumpy which makes women repulsed by the idea of sex with them.

If you say, you are getting sex Thursday and Saturday, the expectation is set. The men get what they want when they expect it. Then they don't pout, act mean and passive aggressive.

It's just a strategy for men who are not able to manage their own emotional immaturity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Schedule is the biggest culprit.

"Schedule" is bullshit. You just aren't prioritizing sex. You're busy with work, kids, pets, exercise, etc.? OK, but there are 168 hours in the week, don't tell me you can't set ONE of those hours aside for sex. Stop putting sex at the bottom of the list and letting "other things" push sex off the list.

WHY you don't want to prioritize sex is the real question.

Spoken like a man who would put sex before kids, work, pets, exercise, etc.

Grow up, perv.

Anonymous wrote:Schedule is the biggest culprit.

"Schedule" is bullshit. You just aren't prioritizing sex. You're busy with work, kids, pets, exercise, etc.? OK, but there are 168 hours in the week, don't tell me you can't set ONE of those hours aside for sex. Stop putting sex at the bottom of the list and letting "other things" push sex off the list.

WHY you don't want to prioritize sex is the real question.

*vicious , not viscous.

Anonymous wrote:What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

***His treatment of me - he consistently ignores or overrides what I want or need, whether big or small (where to live, what to eat). Also, he has a chronic illness that causes symptoms that are a big turnoff.

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

***Once in a blue moon.

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

***See #1 above.

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)

***Once in a blue moon.

I should add, I am 55yo. I don't think nature designed women my age to desire sex much (or at all).

don't say that! I'm a 51 year old woman and I will be despondent when I lose my sex drive.

We're in a viscous circle of him being a jerk to me every day, causing me to not want to have sex with him, but him saying he'd be nicer if I had sex with him more frequently. Yay.

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about the points below:

What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)

1. My spouse is argumentative/contrary. It's hard to feel safe, much less sexy, with him (frequently). He's extremely attractive but I feel turned off.

2. Yes, I find men and women out in the world incredibly attractive.

3. I'm exhausted and depressed.

4. Occasionally (typically only if I'm having trouble sleeping).

Sometimes we have a lot of sex - but haven't now in almost a month (!).

1. It has nothing to do with him.
2. Nope. Turned off.
3. Depressed. Overwhelmed by kids and family drama.
4. Very rarely.

Anonymous wrote:What caused problems was,
1) I wanted him to brush his teeth first. This made me, according to him, too uptight/not spontaneous/not passionate.

2) every time had to be film worthy. In other words I had to act like a porn star. I just didn't have the energy all the time.

3) I had to service him regularly or he'd get grumpy, mean etc. So I tried to keep the frequency up, but then got criticized for not being "passionate" enough.

In other words, I think he had unrealistic expectations of what sex would be like after ten years of marriage, two kids, two jobs, etc. etc. I know I had my failings too, but at least I wanted to try, and did try.

Guys' first impression of sex seems to influence their definition of regular sex. They often get the first regular sex from their college GF who is young, full of hormones and HAS to have it. Plus she's got lots of free time, no kids, job, house, exhausting schedule, etc. Pretty much, he's her only focus.

Because that's their first experience, they think thats the way sex is supposed to be. Parn doesn't help any either.

I find my husband attractive. I don't really find other men attractive who I meet / see around - because I am too old to care.

And I'm too tired to get frisky unless its an afternoon and the kids are out.

Age. The death of all things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only reason I don't have more sex with my husband is because he doesn't want more.

+1. My husband would rather play on his computer or phone than have sex.

Yep DH just isn't interested or too tired. And before I get blamed- I'm not unsexy and haven't let myself go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only reason I don't have more sex with my husband is because he doesn't want more.

+1. My husband would rather play on his computer or phone than have sex.

Another one here.

Husband isn't interested. And ps, he's the one who's put on weight and not kept himself together. I look great.

I fantasize about having a husband who actually showed any interest in sex. Ugh.