OP, I wonder if you would feel less resentment toward your parents had they openly told you over the years and in different ways that they are imperfect and that you are in charge of yourself?

Anonymous wrote:Big deal. No one has perfect parents. Your complaints sound fairly minor, OP.

What kind of parents did you have? OP's parents sound pretty harsh to me. But the point of her post was that she still loves them and wouldn't cut them off, so she did the opposite of making it a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:Big deal. No one has perfect parents. Your complaints sound fairly minor, OP.

This.

Anonymous wrote:OP, how could your imperfect parents have created perfect you?

OP did not say she was perfect. And I think you all are being way too harsh.

The point is not that OPs behavior was dealt with by the parents, it's HOW it was done. Screaming and name calling? Not ok. Belittling? Not ok.

Kids ask for toys and things. Sure, some holier than though poster will surely say that they NEVER did so (right.) But most kids do. OPs behavior was normal and, again, there are ways of handling that. For one, the parents could own some responsibility for the fact that they continued to buy the things they proclaimed they had no money for.


And, the housecleaning comments, again, not ok. You have to teach children to do things before you get in their face for not doing them.

I think OPs parents sound like a nightmare. And she lived it, not you. These sort of comments affect people differently. While I probably would not cut them off, I definitely would have some hard boundaries in place. They don't sound kind. Just like some of you posters.

OP, how could your imperfect parents have created perfect you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a thinly-veiled rebuke to people who dare to share stories of their own abuse on this board.

The most callous and pompous response on such threads is always some variation on "your parents aren't perfect; no one is" or "I just hope your children don't judge you as you judged your parents." It reeks of condescension and privilege.

Congratulations, OP, on "forgiving" people who called you out on what sounds like immature behavior.

?

Spot on. In all the years I've been reading this, I've never heard anyone cutting off their parents for the behavior you are describing. It just doesn't rise to that level and that you can't see the difference speaks to your continuing immaturity and limited experience.

They made her who she is, what a defense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a thinly-veiled rebuke to people who dare to share stories of their own abuse on this board.

The most callous and pompous response on such threads is always some variation on "your parents aren't perfect; no one is" or "I just hope your children don't judge you as you judged your parents." It reeks of condescension and privilege.

Congratulations, OP, on "forgiving" people who called you out on what sounds like immature behavior.

?

Spot on. In all the years I've been reading this, I've never heard anyone cutting off their parents for the behavior you are describing. It just doesn't rise to that level and that you can't see the difference speaks to your continuing immaturity and limited experience.

This. When people go so far against the prevailing culture so as to cut off their parents, there's usually a goddamn good reason. OP, what do you want, a cookie? Sounds like you were a little shit and your parents didn't handle it perfectly. Doesn't change what happened to lots of other people in lots of other families.

OP, you sound very young and with no real life experience. I don't know how exactly are your parents bad? They occasionally got mad, you are a slob so your mom picked everything after you and finally had enough and told you off about it. Yet, it is her fault your don't know how to clean now? I actually feel sorry for your parents. I don't know many Dads who would come to apologize and says they are sorry after a fight and that shows he is a nice person. I've yet to hear you acknowledging a single imperfection of your own.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you will understand and forgive your parents only after you have your own kids. Now, instead of blaming them, try to work on your own feeling. Learn to appreciate and love the gift when you receive it. Learn to clean after yourself without blaming your mom. The more you work on personal growth, the less you blame your parents. Good luck!

Right, because giving birth bestows upon you magical powers of forgiveness that only people who have procreated can have. We all know people who don't have kids are unforgiving trolls and all people who do have kids are forgiving doormats.

OP, you will understand and forgive your parents only after you have your own kids. Now, instead of blaming them, try to work on your own feeling. Learn to appreciate and love the gift when you receive it. Learn to clean after yourself without blaming your mom. The more you work on personal growth, the less you blame your parents. Good luck!

OP,

The most important part of growing up is to accept that it is our own responsibility to be happy and grow. And that we must relinquish our resentment against our parents in order to accomplish this.

ALL parents are flawed, because they are human beings. What your parents did is pretty minor, all things considered. I harbored a lot of resentment against my own parents as a young adult, until I realized that it was time for me to move on with my life.

I hope our children will forgive us as we forgive our own parents.

OP, I think having kids would solve your problem.

Anonymous wrote:Big deal. No one has perfect parents. Your complaints sound fairly minor, OP.

This. No one is perfect. People need to let go of the fantasy their parents failures are the cause of their issues as an adult. Most people do the best with what they have to work with and yes, the best will not always be "good enough" when our adult children look back and judge us.