Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 14 year old recently came out as bisexual. I have that part under control - it really wasn't a big deal, we were able to tell her we love & accept her no matter what, etc. She also told us she was in a relationship with someone we previous thought was "just a friend." Again, not a big deal, we know & like the other girl, and they are both the right age for first "special friendships," whether with a male or female. The part I'm stumped on is how to handle sleepovers from here on out. Prior to this, she has both had sleepovers at other girls' homes and had girls over here, including with the "girlfriend." We supervise, are in and out of the rooms where they are, but are not in the room 100% of the time. I certainly wouldn't be letting a teenage girl have a sleepover with a boy, but how do I handle same-sex sleepovers when there is same sex attraction? For the short term, we have said she can still spend time with the "girlfriend," but no more sleepovers with her, but have still said yes to a sleepover with another girl. I don't want to put a blanket "no sleepovers" rule, but I am feeling conflicted now. What would you do?

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

Word ^^. It really is a trend these days. Dont pay too much attention to this nonsense.

Who are you people? Do you really live in the DC area? You freak me out.

Anonymous wrote:Don't pay any attention to this bisexual nonsense from a high school girl. It's the latest cool phase to go through these days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 14 year old recently came out as bisexual. I have that part under control - it really wasn't a big deal, we were able to tell her we love & accept her no matter what, etc. She also told us she was in a relationship with someone we previous thought was "just a friend." Again, not a big deal, we know & like the other girl, and they are both the right age for first "special friendships," whether with a male or female. The part I'm stumped on is how to handle sleepovers from here on out. Prior to this, she has both had sleepovers at other girls' homes and had girls over here, including with the "girlfriend." We supervise, are in and out of the rooms where they are, but are not in the room 100% of the time. I certainly wouldn't be letting a teenage girl have a sleepover with a boy, but how do I handle same-sex sleepovers when there is same sex attraction? For the short term, we have said she can still spend time with the "girlfriend," but no more sleepovers with her, but have still said yes to a sleepover with another girl. I don't want to put a blanket "no sleepovers" rule, but I am feeling conflicted now. What would you do?

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

Word ^^. It really is a trend these days. Dont pay too much attention to this nonsense.

Anonymous wrote:No sleepovers with anyone you are in a romantic relationship with or have romantic feelings towards.

That's my rule.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

I don't know where you are from, but it was cool to be gay or bi when I was in high school 20 years ago.

I graduated from high school in 1997 with quite a few classmates who were out. I went to art school; it wasn't a big deal at. all. My junior prom date was gay, as were a number of my friends.

DH grew up in a very different area and social situation than I did, and only a year behind me in school. He didn't know any kids who were gay, and some of his friends would make fun of anyone they thought might be gay. DH says he didn't participate in the teasing, and I believe him--mostly. DH went to theatre camp and participated in plays, along with some of his other friends, so they were more accepting of people who were different from them. He grew up using "gay" as a synonym of "stupid"; I did not. (FWIW, one of his sisters is gay, and the other was recently in a long-term same-sex relationship.)

By the time I was a junior in college in 1999, it was "cool" for girls to smooch, though none of us called it "bisexual."

Not all of us grew up the same way, and perhaps PP is from a different region, with different social values. In any case, it's great that kids are feeling more free to come out an be who they are now.

Anonymous wrote:

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

I don't know where you are from, but it was cool to be gay or bi when I was in high school 20 years ago.

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 14 year old recently came out as bisexual. I have that part under control - it really wasn't a big deal, we were able to tell her we love & accept her no matter what, etc. She also told us she was in a relationship with someone we previous thought was "just a friend." Again, not a big deal, we know & like the other girl, and they are both the right age for first "special friendships," whether with a male or female. The part I'm stumped on is how to handle sleepovers from here on out. Prior to this, she has both had sleepovers at other girls' homes and had girls over here, including with the "girlfriend." We supervise, are in and out of the rooms where they are, but are not in the room 100% of the time. I certainly wouldn't be letting a teenage girl have a sleepover with a boy, but how do I handle same-sex sleepovers when there is same sex attraction? For the short term, we have said she can still spend time with the "girlfriend," but no more sleepovers with her, but have still said yes to a sleepover with another girl. I don't want to put a blanket "no sleepovers" rule, but I am feeling conflicted now. What would you do?

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

Did you know your sexual identity before you had sex? I sure did. I knew I was straight when I had my first crush at 7 years old. I didn't have sex until I was 20. Sexuality and attraction can be fluid, and this girl may end up gay, straight, or somewhere in between, but don't diminish her experience with "it's just a fad & she won't know until she's older."

So she may likely totally change her mind, but don't diminish her experience as just a fad? Huh?

There's a difference between changing one's mind and sexuality being fluid. (And I didn't at all say that it was likely it would happen. Just that she may end up gay, straight, or somewhere in between.) This is rarely a matter of choice or decision, though who a person ends up with--not their gender, but who they are--is a choice. Example: some of my bi friends are married to men. They've made the choice to marry that man, not to be straight.

A "fad" means going along with something because "everyone else is doing it." Calling her coming out as bisexual a fad is diminishing her experience.

Nobody said anything about telling the child that it was a fad. Three parents upthread told another parent that this bi trend existed in HS these days.

Right. And dismissing the "bi trend" as a "fad" (whether it's to the kid or not) is insulting to bi individuals. Suggesting "the less you talk about it, the better it will turn out" closes a door of communication between this child and her parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 14 year old recently came out as bisexual. I have that part under control - it really wasn't a big deal, we were able to tell her we love & accept her no matter what, etc. She also told us she was in a relationship with someone we previous thought was "just a friend." Again, not a big deal, we know & like the other girl, and they are both the right age for first "special friendships," whether with a male or female. The part I'm stumped on is how to handle sleepovers from here on out. Prior to this, she has both had sleepovers at other girls' homes and had girls over here, including with the "girlfriend." We supervise, are in and out of the rooms where they are, but are not in the room 100% of the time. I certainly wouldn't be letting a teenage girl have a sleepover with a boy, but how do I handle same-sex sleepovers when there is same sex attraction? For the short term, we have said she can still spend time with the "girlfriend," but no more sleepovers with her, but have still said yes to a sleepover with another girl. I don't want to put a blanket "no sleepovers" rule, but I am feeling conflicted now. What would you do?

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

Did you know your sexual identity before you had sex? I sure did. I knew I was straight when I had my first crush at 7 years old. I didn't have sex until I was 20. Sexuality and attraction can be fluid, and this girl may end up gay, straight, or somewhere in between, but don't diminish her experience with "it's just a fad & she won't know until she's older."

So she may likely totally change her mind, but don't diminish her experience as just a fad? Huh?

There's a difference between changing one's mind and sexuality being fluid. (And I didn't at all say that it was likely it would happen. Just that she may end up gay, straight, or somewhere in between.) This is rarely a matter of choice or decision, though who a person ends up with--not their gender, but who they are--is a choice. Example: some of my bi friends are married to men. They've made the choice to marry that man, not to be straight.

A "fad" means going along with something because "everyone else is doing it." Calling her coming out as bisexual a fad is diminishing her experience.

Nobody said anything about telling the child that it was a fad. Three parents upthread told another parent that this bi trend existed in HS these days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 14 year old recently came out as bisexual. I have that part under control - it really wasn't a big deal, we were able to tell her we love & accept her no matter what, etc. She also told us she was in a relationship with someone we previous thought was "just a friend." Again, not a big deal, we know & like the other girl, and they are both the right age for first "special friendships," whether with a male or female. The part I'm stumped on is how to handle sleepovers from here on out. Prior to this, she has both had sleepovers at other girls' homes and had girls over here, including with the "girlfriend." We supervise, are in and out of the rooms where they are, but are not in the room 100% of the time. I certainly wouldn't be letting a teenage girl have a sleepover with a boy, but how do I handle same-sex sleepovers when there is same sex attraction? For the short term, we have said she can still spend time with the "girlfriend," but no more sleepovers with her, but have still said yes to a sleepover with another girl. I don't want to put a blanket "no sleepovers" rule, but I am feeling conflicted now. What would you do?

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 14 year old recently came out as bisexual. I have that part under control - it really wasn't a big deal, we were able to tell her we love & accept her no matter what, etc. She also told us she was in a relationship with someone we previous thought was "just a friend." Again, not a big deal, we know & like the other girl, and they are both the right age for first "special friendships," whether with a male or female. The part I'm stumped on is how to handle sleepovers from here on out. Prior to this, she has both had sleepovers at other girls' homes and had girls over here, including with the "girlfriend." We supervise, are in and out of the rooms where they are, but are not in the room 100% of the time. I certainly wouldn't be letting a teenage girl have a sleepover with a boy, but how do I handle same-sex sleepovers when there is same sex attraction? For the short term, we have said she can still spend time with the "girlfriend," but no more sleepovers with her, but have still said yes to a sleepover with another girl. I don't want to put a blanket "no sleepovers" rule, but I am feeling conflicted now. What would you do?

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 14 year old recently came out as bisexual. I have that part under control - it really wasn't a big deal, we were able to tell her we love & accept her no matter what, etc. She also told us she was in a relationship with someone we previous thought was "just a friend." Again, not a big deal, we know & like the other girl, and they are both the right age for first "special friendships," whether with a male or female. The part I'm stumped on is how to handle sleepovers from here on out. Prior to this, she has both had sleepovers at other girls' homes and had girls over here, including with the "girlfriend." We supervise, are in and out of the rooms where they are, but are not in the room 100% of the time. I certainly wouldn't be letting a teenage girl have a sleepover with a boy, but how do I handle same-sex sleepovers when there is same sex attraction? For the short term, we have said she can still spend time with the "girlfriend," but no more sleepovers with her, but have still said yes to a sleepover with another girl. I don't want to put a blanket "no sleepovers" rule, but I am feeling conflicted now. What would you do?

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

Did you know your sexual identity before you had sex? I sure did. I knew I was straight when I had my first crush at 7 years old. I didn't have sex until I was 20. Sexuality and attraction can be fluid, and this girl may end up gay, straight, or somewhere in between, but don't diminish her experience with "it's just a fad & she won't know until she's older."

So she may likely totally change her mind, but don't diminish her experience as just a fad? Huh?

There's a difference between changing one's mind and sexuality being fluid. (And I didn't at all say that it was likely it would happen. Just that she may end up gay, straight, or somewhere in between.) This is rarely a matter of choice or decision, though who a person ends up with--not their gender, but who they are--is a choice. Example: some of my bi friends are married to men. They've made the choice to marry that man, not to be straight.

A "fad" means going along with something because "everyone else is doing it." Calling her coming out as bisexual a fad is diminishing her experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 14 year old recently came out as bisexual. I have that part under control - it really wasn't a big deal, we were able to tell her we love & accept her no matter what, etc. She also told us she was in a relationship with someone we previous thought was "just a friend." Again, not a big deal, we know & like the other girl, and they are both the right age for first "special friendships," whether with a male or female. The part I'm stumped on is how to handle sleepovers from here on out. Prior to this, she has both had sleepovers at other girls' homes and had girls over here, including with the "girlfriend." We supervise, are in and out of the rooms where they are, but are not in the room 100% of the time. I certainly wouldn't be letting a teenage girl have a sleepover with a boy, but how do I handle same-sex sleepovers when there is same sex attraction? For the short term, we have said she can still spend time with the "girlfriend," but no more sleepovers with her, but have still said yes to a sleepover with another girl. I don't want to put a blanket "no sleepovers" rule, but I am feeling conflicted now. What would you do?

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

Did you know your sexual identity before you had sex? I sure did. I knew I was straight when I had my first crush at 7 years old. I didn't have sex until I was 20. Sexuality and attraction can be fluid, and this girl may end up gay, straight, or somewhere in between, but don't diminish her experience with "it's just a fad & she won't know until she's older."

So she may likely totally change her mind, but don't diminish her experience as just a fad? Huh?

Anonymous wrote:I am bi and once had a girlfriend (romantic) sleep over. Though it was covert my parents sniffed it out and she was no longer allowed to sleep over.

That said, I had plenty of platonic friends who slept over a ton. If you trust your child to be forthright, state your expectation that you don't want their romantic interests sleeping over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 14 year old recently came out as bisexual. I have that part under control - it really wasn't a big deal, we were able to tell her we love & accept her no matter what, etc. She also told us she was in a relationship with someone we previous thought was "just a friend." Again, not a big deal, we know & like the other girl, and they are both the right age for first "special friendships," whether with a male or female. The part I'm stumped on is how to handle sleepovers from here on out. Prior to this, she has both had sleepovers at other girls' homes and had girls over here, including with the "girlfriend." We supervise, are in and out of the rooms where they are, but are not in the room 100% of the time. I certainly wouldn't be letting a teenage girl have a sleepover with a boy, but how do I handle same-sex sleepovers when there is same sex attraction? For the short term, we have said she can still spend time with the "girlfriend," but no more sleepovers with her, but have still said yes to a sleepover with another girl. I don't want to put a blanket "no sleepovers" rule, but I am feeling conflicted now. What would you do?

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

Did you know your sexual identity before you had sex? I sure did. I knew I was straight when I had my first crush at 7 years old. I didn't have sex until I was 20. Sexuality and attraction can be fluid, and this girl may end up gay, straight, or somewhere in between, but don't diminish her experience with "it's just a fad & she won't know until she's older."