Anonymous wrote:My DH is type A. I think it's wonderful because he does everything and I veg out. If I married someone like me, nothing would ever get done.

I, a DH, am a Type A, and married someone like you (perhaps). We will not married for long after the kids are gone. Too much water under the bridge.

I'm the relentless achiever person who plans out everything. These traits are in response to two different things -- the planning is in response to anxiety over uncertainty. I also have a serious inner critic who will tear me to shreds if I don't optimize, well, a lot of things (free time, money, summer weekends, clothes, etc.).

The relentless achiever trait has more to do with feeling worthless. I cannot justify being -- but I can justify my existence if I'm doing. It feels like every 24 hours starts the tally from scratch again -- what have you done today to impress people, to be useful and worth keeping around?

So, yes, I'll come clean and validate several of the suspicions in this thread....

I'm Type A. Also a chaos muppet. I get anxious/bored without purpose. I love working in teams to figure out solutions to seemingly impossible projects. I'm also an introvert.

DH is more Type B and extroverted. Day to day gets done by DH and I'm more the long term strategy.

I don't think I'd work well with another Type A and I don't judge DH nor expect him to be a carbon copy of me.

Moreover, the human condition is far more complex than two types of people. I say GO GO GO for it and see what happens.

My DH is type A. I think it's wonderful because he does everything and I veg out. If I married someone like me, nothing would ever get done.

I dated someone like this. I think Type A manifests in different ways. The person I dated hated to be alone with his thoughts. He was busy from sunup until bedtime, and always had his days planned in advance. I was always amazed at the amount of work he could get done in a day, but I also felt like he was running away from or avoiding something about himself. He never wanted to be by himself and was very clingy; we broke up.

Never dated someone like this, but certainly have been friendly with these types. I find this busyness to be a way of avoiding intimacy and/or filling some void for them.

Anonymous wrote:I am type A and my DH is not. We have been married 23 years. I think he wishes he had married somebody less type A. I think, when we married, he thought I would eventually calm down but of course I have not. That is my nature. I am happy to let him be who he is. I always was thinking that I'd just travel by myself and work hard while he relaxed. But I think he wishes I'd spend a lot more time just vegging with him. I think he thinks I create too much tension in our family life by trying to juggle too many things.

I am a type A and my DH is not. I agree (like any difference between people) there are times we frustrate each other. I wake up at 5:00 am to play tennis matches at 6:00 am three mornings a week and he would love to sleep in until noon and wishes I would snuggle more in the mornings with him. However, I would also say that (like any difference between a couple) it's worth discussing. The critical thing about this kind of difference is whether or not you can impute positive or negative emotions to that difference: I don't think my DH is lazy, I just think he likes to sleep in and I make a point to do that one weekend morning (i.e. not to schedule a tennis match both weekend mornings.) He loves that I'm attractive and we have a great sex life because of that attraction, so I'd guess he doesn't think I'm "driven" or "ignoring him" or "overscheduling" as much as just that I am more competitive and worry about staying in shape.

Another difference between us is that I like to do things quickly and get them done; he tends to be slower to complete projects. But again as long as we aren't being critical about those differences, just aware or even sometimes that sometimes it's funny.

Yes, husband.

I recently told him if I wanted to work morning noon and night I would get a job. Come retirement, I am gone. The only thing keeping me in this marriage is his job. He's gone a lot and I like it.

Anonymous wrote:Two different issues here - are you talking about someone who is highly functional and competent, who can just get more done than the average person and sees this as "a life well lived?" Or are you talking about someone who is avoiding intimacy and emotional discomfort by filling so much of life with "to-dos"?

I expect there is a fair amount of overlap in that Venn diagram.

Two different issues here - are you talking about someone who is highly functional and competent, who can just get more done than the average person and sees this as "a life well lived?" Or are you talking about someone who is avoiding intimacy and emotional discomfort by filling so much of life with "to-dos"?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of these types most of the time. I have no issues with those who are not, except for my spouse, and it will lead to a divorce.. Life is too short to be sitting around. So, while I have no issues with those who are not, I probably could not be married to someone who is the opposite, which is where I am now.

I am YOU! Always annoyed with my DH because all he wants to do is sit or sleep. It was ok before kids because honestly there was little to take care of, but now all I see is laziness. If you don't have kids get out now!

Why the hell do you type A women marry these type of men that are so different from you? Stick to your own kind and leave the rest of us alone. Thanks.

I agree 100%. I am a DH, and I married a non-Type A person. Nothing gets done, unless I do it. DS, however, does enjoy talking, but no action (and I do not mean sex here, at least). So, with kids, I am exhausted, and have done more by Saturday lunch than DS does all weekend. It will not last. DS will have rude awakening.

Anonymous wrote:I am type A and my DH is not. We have been married 23 years. I think he wishes he had married somebody less type A. I think, when we married, he thought I would eventually calm down but of course I have not. That is my nature. I am happy to let him be who he is. I always was thinking that I'd just travel by myself and work hard while he relaxed. But I think he wishes I'd spend a lot more time just vegging with him. I think he thinks I create too much tension in our family life by trying to juggle too many things.

This sounds a little like the dynamic in my family (only married 15 years though). My wife will complain about being overworked, but the fact is she has frequently scheduled a bunch of crap she didn't need to schedule. (This week: marathon training, a garage sale, and post-season parties for the kids' baseball teams). Of course, a big part of my problem with the situation is that she is too tired and never has time for sex.

I am type A and my DH is not. We have been married 23 years. I think he wishes he had married somebody less type A. I think, when we married, he thought I would eventually calm down but of course I have not. That is my nature. I am happy to let him be who he is. I always was thinking that I'd just travel by myself and work hard while he relaxed. But I think he wishes I'd spend a lot more time just vegging with him. I think he thinks I create too much tension in our family life by trying to juggle too many things.

I used to be the absolute opposite of type A. I thought it was just that I had a personality type that likes to stop and smell the flowers and enjoys downtime but turned out I had severe ADHD. Now that I am receiving treatment, I'm much more type A.